MarriageMonday Week 8 [Love Does Not Seek it's own] Christian Marriage, Biblical Marraige, Christian Wifehood, Biblical Wifehood, Selfless Love, Forgiveness, Needs Vs Wants in Marraige, Needs vs. Preferences in Marriage

Marriage Monday Week 8 [Love Does Not Seek It’s Own]

Today is especially challenging in our Marriage Monday Series!  Love does not seek it’s own.

1 Corinthians 13 Marriage Monday Love in Marriage, Biblical Marriage, Biblical Wifehood, Christian Marriage Advice, Marriage Challange   

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is our text this month and our goal is to apply it to our Wifehood.  Has this series stepped on your toes the way it is mine? 

So far we have seen Patience in MarriageKindness in MarriageJealousy in Marriage, Bragging in Marriage, Arrogance in Marriage and Disrespect or Acting unbecoming in Marriage

MarriageMonday Week 8 [Love Does Not Seek it's own] Christian Marriage, Biblical Marraige, Christian Wifehood, Biblical Wifehood, Selfless Love, Forgiveness, Needs Vs Wants in Marraige, Needs vs. Preferences in Marriage

MarriageMonday Week 8 [Love Does Not Seek it's own] Selfless Love Defined Christian Marriage, Biblical Marraige, Christian Wifehood, Biblical Wifehood, Selfless Love, Forgiveness, Needs Vs Wants in Marriage, Needs vs. Preferences in Marriage

Today my question is: “Love does not seek its own” what?  

The answer is in the original language– Love does not seek its own comfort, pleasure and desire above that of those it claims to love.  

That last line makes me smile…  so it’s not just me who things some people don’t actually love me as much as they “claim” to.  Just a thought.

Love is selfless

What would that look like in marriage?

As I began trying to apply this I 1st had to assess some things.

I know I am a selfish person.  Daily I seek my own comfort and pleasure.  Is there anything wrong with that?  hmmmm

I came face to face with an internal conflict.

A habit of defaulting to my own preferences.  I care deeply about my own preferences and seek out ways to get them.

Philippians 2:3- 4 [Love should be Selfless and not seek it's own desires]

Often I put my preferences above hubby’s needs.  

That has to stop.

His needs should outweigh my preferences.  Not my needs, those are important, but my preferences.

Let me share an example:

I am a Stay At Home Mom.  It gives me joy to engage in activates at night (without my kids 😉 ) I am talking about good things: Bible studies, ladies groups, classes, etc.    

Hubby has been trying to find a good job that fits him and our family.  During this season he took a 3rd shift job and the only time we had together was in the evening.  

This was a good job for him at the time and he learned so much there.  To show love to him in a selfless way I needed to step back from my evening commitments.  

This was a hard choice for me.  I preferred those things and I tend to ” seek my own”.  But Hubby needed space to grow here.  

My need was adult interaction and time away from my kids.  I can find that at other times and other ways.  I have in fact.  That need is being met in a different way now though I’d prefer it be in the evening. 

Do you see the difference? 

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During the month of September will be Host to 30 Amazing Women’s Ministry Leaders sharing Resources and Encouragement for Your Marriage!  I am gathering some Incredible Giveaways and there will be a Facebook Community where we will talk and connect.  Mark Your Calendar and Share it with your friends!  You Won’t want to Miss it!

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Can I be honest? 

I battle my feelings about this one.  We have been in an ever changing situation for a few years and it is easy to believe my feelings instead of Trusting The Lord in my Marriage.

I can still hear my daddy saying “Feelings come and feelings go but feelings are deceiving”

I feel like:

  • Our life will be hard forever.
  • If I give up my preference too often B will walk all over me.
  • Someone should be looking out for me in this marriage.
  • I always have to be the mature one who changes first.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg of the feelings that come when I stop trying to ” Seek My Own”.

Part of my selfishness was a way to keep from being hurt again.  There were some things in my life that hurt deeply and I was choosing to hold onto them instead of forgiving

For years my life was stuck.  My Marriage was stuck.  Friendships were stuck.  My prayer life and relationship with Jesus was stuck.  I was angry and bitter and holding on for dear life.  It wasn’t until I learned to Forgive that I was able to get moving again.  I’d love to show you the Pathway to Forgive I found.  I’ve written a small E-book that walks through it.


Free E Book on Forgiveness [My story of overcoming Bitterness and Resentment and living in the Freedom of Forgiveness with in my Marriage and Wifehood]

Free e-Book “A Pathway to Forgiveness” (Forgiveness is hard… but not impossible. This is my story.)

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Selfless love is not natural for me.  

There’s something programed into me (probably that Old Woman) that fights tooth and nail to hold onto my way.


When I give up my preferences to meet his needs amazing things happen.

We will dig into this deeper as we go on, but spoiler alert:

  • Hubby is growing and I know this will NOT last forever.  
  • He doesn’t want to walk all over me!  Hubby just needs the grace to grow up in Christ.
  • Someone is looking out for me in this marriage. 
    • God is fighting for me! 
    • B is really doing an amazing job. 
      • I could see it if only I’d look at what he does right. 
      • I feel differently when I spend too much time pointing out his mistakes!
  • We all have seasons of growth. 
    • There will be times Hubby has to be the bigger person and give me grace to grow.  

Those feelings are not Truths.

I have to be careful to replace them in my mind or they can ruin my marriage.  I hope you are journeying with me in the Emotional Wellness Series as I dig into way’s to get a healthy thought life!

Challenge:  What are your needs? 

They are important.  Your needs matter to God.  He cares about what you care about (1 Peter 5:7)!

Can you see the difference between your needs and your preferences (1 John 4:1)?

What are your Hubby’s needs (Philippians 2:3-4)?

Do you ever put your preferences before his needs (Psalm 139:23-24)?

Begin praying that God will show you where this is happening and help you make the necessary changes (Ezekiel 36:26).

Selfless Love Challenge [Marriage Monday Love Does Not Seek it's own] Christian Marriage Rescources, Biblical Wifehood, Marriage Challenge, Love does Not Seek it's Own. Selfless Love

Have you missed some in this #MarriageMonday Series?
Marriage Monday Weeks:

in Him


Tiffany Montgomery

Tiffany is a wife and mother who is passionate about Encouraging and Equipping Women through Biblical Discipleship.

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