Last week I left you with my News Flash…
My husband doesn’t want to be an afterthought in my day.
How on earth did we get to this place?
Honestly, my kids run me ragged; they always “need” something.
They are impatient illogical demanding little blessings who believe the world revolves around their “needs”.
When I was a newlywed I remember seeing women devoting their lives to their kids and swearing I’d never do hat… but it happened.
It started when my youngest was born. Our first clue was in the maternity ward. ‘A’ was in the nursery for a check up while a nurse checked on me. I heard this gut wrenching cry and the nurse looked at me (with pity I think) and said “That’s yours leaving the nursery. We can track her anywhere on the floor with that scream.” It was 2 agonizing minutes before she came back in so loud I wanted to cry myself.
She was Colic her entire first year…
If you’ve experienced this monster called Colic you know we nearly wen’t crazy. You can’t comfort a colicky baby. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, wouldn’t stop crying long enough to let me think straight. It was a rough year.
Later we learned it was actually a result of food allergies. Talk about a crazy ride!
‘A’ was non-verbal until a year and half ago, severely aggressive with intense sensory meltdowns that seemed to come out of nowhere. She rarely slept more than 5 hours and when she woke we were on pins and needles waiting for the next explosion.
Our marriage was already on rocky ground and this was the straw the enemy needed to break us.
It’s funny the things the Lord uses to grow us.
As things were falling apart in my world God was showing me that I needed to intentionally seek out how to be a godly wife. His word teaches this so plainly, but I had not been looking there. I had been trying to be like the wives around me… who are divorcing at about a 50% rate… so not such a great plan – right?!?!?!?
I needed to get my priorities in line with God’s Word, but I had this hard questions.
How can I keep my husband as a higher priority than my children?
- I had to examine things.
- I begin to recognize that there was a difference between the needs & wants of my children.
- Next I had to better understand the needs & wants of my husband.
- Then I needed to stop putting my kids wants ahead of my husbands needs.
Sounds like common sense, but it is so stinkin’ challenging. If I let them, my children will rule my entire day; feeding, clothing, correcting & teaching them. Those are necessary things, but good things are not the best thing when they are more important than my husband!
Kids Need: Attention
Kids Want: All my attention on demand
Husbands Need: Attention
Husbands Want: Uninterrupted time where I am focused on him
Imagine the scene with me:
Its been a long day with the kids. The house looks like a tornado ripped through it. Dinner is burning in the kitchen, the dog is barking at the imaginary cat in the front yard.
In walks hubby after a rough day at work. He begins to talk about his crazy day while kiddo’s continually interrupt “is dinner ready yet?” “Are we having spaghetti again?” “Pick me up.” “Where’s my other shoe?”
At some point hubby gives up and wonders off to the bedroom to watch a game.
Seems normal right? But when does a mommy have time for her man? I had to make changes to begin Fixing My Marriage.
- Our kids needed to learn not to interrupt adult conversations (they are still learning, but it is better now)
- Our kids needed to understand that mommy & daddy’s time is more important than most of their random thoughts.
We often to repeat “Mommy & daddy are talking, it will have to wait”, but they are getting it.
Whew, that made such a difference in our relationship and began meeting our needs.
My need: To feel like a woman who loves her man
His Need: To feel respected and appreciated
Fixing My Marriage has been such a long hard road -that I am still on. This was a good step forward on the journey.