Why should you set goals in a Christian Marriage? Is there a simple guide to start that conversation without it ending up as a fight or worse? Hubby and I worked together to come up with something I know will bless you in your Marriage! This is how it came about.
Does this sounds familiar to you:
It’s almost New Year’s Eve or maybe it was nearing the Wedding anniversary. You have begun looking back on the year and dreaming of what the next year will look like. You are asking yourself questions like:
What are the signs of a bad marriage?
- Do we have any of them?
- Why do marriages fail?
What makes a good marriage?
- Do we need to read some marriage books
Are their rules for a happy marriage?
- Do we live by them?
When was the last time we set marriage goals?
- Does that mean we have marriage problems?
How do we set goals to have a strong marriage?
- I’d really like to work on Communication in Marriage
Is Communication on your list of goals this year? You are invited to join the HopeJoyInChrist community in a Free Marriage Communication Challenge!
How was our Christian Marriage last year?
You look over in bed to your husband and begin asking him what he thought of your previous year.
Ahem, you clear your throat to pull his attention from the game on his tablet and you ask again.
“How do you think last year was for our Marriage?”
That’s when you see it…
That deer caught in the headlights look that says:
- He hasn’t thought about it
- He doesn’t want to talk about it
- And he is a little afraid you are starting a fight for no good reason.
I mean, come on woman, the game is on!
The conversation sizzles out and you are both frustrated. He is hoping the conversation doesn’t come back up for another year. You are dreaming of a Christian Marriage where you can dream together and grow together.
This is why there’s so much anger in marriage you think…
Can you relate?
For years that was us. Bud and I are certainly in a Christian Marriage though we have had many difficult seasons – you might even say it has been a Difficult Marriage. I’ve worked hard to fix my marriage and am so thankful Bud is open to sharing all the marriage advice here.
Part of learning to save my marriage involved letting go of resentment in Marriage.
I longed for the days when we could have real dreams and plan ways to grow in our Christian Marriage.
My husband is not always thinking about that. In fact, he hears my questions and they hit all the boxes in his mind about failure, regret, and fear.
Out of instinct he diverts, distracts or disputes!
What I know is true; by looking back, we can see what went well and what could be better. When we are honest about this, we can dream together and have a Successful Marriage!
Proverbs 14: 15 The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.
A few years ago – after one humdinger of a fight – Bud and I sat down to make a plan for how to set goals in our Marriage.
Evaluating the Overall Health of our Relationship:
We thought about criteria to rate our overall Relationship Health and decided on the following areas.
Goals for Communication in Marriage:
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
- Are the majority of our words critical or encouraging?
- As the wife – am I showing Respect in Marriage as well as Appreciation and Admiration with my words?
- As the husband – is he showing love, security, and appreciation with his words?
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment?
We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
We just finished a 31 day Series to help us Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Biblical Marriage.
Get the articles Free in this downloadable e-Book. We also have a Private Facebook group to let us connect – Wives only.
Sexual Intimacy in our Christian Marriage:
Proverbs 5:18-19 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoins in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilerated always with her love.
Being parents with small children really puts a strain on this area in our life. We did not score so well here – but these are the things we talked about.
- How often do we have sex vs how often we would prefer to have sex?
- Are we adding fun into this time or has it become a routine?
- What are some ideas to make it more fun and satisfying for each other?
- We decided to read a few Marriage books this year to improve intimacy in our Marriage
Goals to have Fun together in our Christian Marriage:
Proverbs 15:13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.
- Are we enjoying life together, having fun in this Marriage?
- How have we done planning dates this pasts year?
- Which dates went well, which failed?
A fun idea is to use Date Night Jars to always have a fun idea on hand. So he’s going to write some ideas that seem fun and adventurous to him and I will write some ideas that seem fun and romantic for me.
Need Some Date Night inspiration? Check out these posts I’ve found online!
Setting Finance goals in Marriage:
Luke 14:28-30 For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’
Finances have been stress in our world for years, but a few years ago we got on the same page. We went through Financial Peace University and are finally Debt Free! This is the first year we have not dreaded dreaming about our finances.
How did we do following our Financial plan last year – Killed it!!!!!!!!! If you haven’t been through the course I highly recommend the course or the Book
Setting Parenting goals as a Christian Couple:
This is still an area where we struggle… We are evaluating where we on the same page in Parenting and where we need to be more intentional.
- Have we set clear rules and consequences?
- If not, let’s set some.
- Are we being consistent to follow through about the discipline in our home?
- What is tripping us up in this area?
- What fun things can we plan over the next year?
Spiritual goals to Grow together in our Christian Marriage:
Colossians 1:9-10 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;
- Where are we each individually with our relationship with God?
- Are we both having a consistent quiet time?
- How is our individual prayer life?
- Are we making time to study the word together?
- What can we plan to do over the next year?
These are just some of the things we worked through. It created such intimacy and connection I know we will do it more than Once a year! Probably at New Year’s and again on our anniversary. But to get there we needed a Guide – some way for us both to have the same questions and ideas to think through so there were no reasons to argue or get defensive!
With Bud’s help, we put together The Ultimate Guide to set Goals in a Christian Marriage.
Do you spend time looking back each year in your Marriage? I’d love to know what that looks like!