Our marriage was broken. What we needed -my husband and I – was a miracle. Along the way, I discovered words of affirmation for him in a new way.
A marriage can be too broken for The 5 Love Languages words of affirmation to work. I know it’s not what everyone talks about, but Y’all, they just had no effect on us when I first started trying to find the answers to save my marriage.Words of affirmation for him (admiration and appreciation words for husband) and prayer are two of the biggest things that fixed our broken marriage. Because words of affirmation for a husband speak respect! Click To Tweet
What Are Words of Affirmation For Him?
One of the reasons the Words of affirmation 5 Love Languages didn’t help us, was because I didn’t understand what affirmation was. Words of affirmation for him were about more than just saying nice things.
What are words of affirmation for a man?
When you think of needs in marriage, his needs her needs, we don’t think about words. But let’s put them together today. Literally, I want you to say these words together… nonsensical or not, just start linking them mentally.
- A need for him – husbands need words.
- Words of affirmation to husband – husbands need words of affirmation.
Putting these things together helped me so much to be a more godly wife!
What are Words of Affirmation?
Google words of affirmation definition (or what does affirmation mean) and you will see something like this:
- Expressing affection through spoken praise or appreciation.
Now, I could be affectionate, but I struggled with praise and appreciation.
The question I came back to God with was a hard one to write.
“How can I express love in words to my husband when we have marriage problems.”
Words of Affirmation In A Difficult Marriage
Have you ever searched out things to say to your husband to make him smile? I did.
When I did, I found all these funny words of affirmation for him lists. I read the results and laughed, not because they were funny in reality, but because I couldn’t imagine ever saying those things. Not one of them, and meaning it. That’s where we were.
And I knew if I tried to just push through and say them falsely he would see straight through me. He would feel manipulated.
So I had to find another way forward.
The Problem With The 5 Love Languages
Why can’t the Love Language words of affirmation work when there are marriage problems? I genuinely wondered and felt… broken and outcast about it for a long time. I had this picture come to mind.
I imagine our Christian marriage is like a car… maybe a deep purple VW Bug with cute seat covers and a steering wheel all decked out in cool stickers. Can you picture it?
In a healthy marriage, the car would take us through life with ease! As a team we can conquer anything… or so I thought.
The 5 Love Languages are like gas. Gas gives the car energy to get where we are going – to end well, with a successful marriage.
Now, our car was broken just like our marriage… let’s say the cause of death was rusted spark plugs. It doesn’t matter how much gas you put in that car, it’s not moving until you replace the spark plugs or clean them – or whatever you do to spark plugs 😉
Deeper Needs in Brokeness
When there has been great trauma, loss or broken trust, the marriage suffers. Husband and wife have deeper needs that must be met before a relationship can move forward from broken to successful.
I disagree about the love bit – I believe women need security before love matters – at least I do. LOL, as I think about it, there are other things in the book that I disagree with, but overall, there are also many amazing things.
I learned a lot about words of respect to husband, from a husband’s perspective from it.
Related Post: To the Wife Who Needs Security in a Christian Marriage
Men need Respect Before they Need Love
Do affirmations work for men?
If my husband doesn’t feel respected – no amount of love will speak to him. In fact, he will shut down and stop any attempts of showing me love or providing me with security.
In fact, after living this out for several years now, I feel so strongly I wish I could add a note to the dictionary about the word respect.
- Words of affirmation define the way a wife really sees her husband in her husbands mind. Words of affirmation for him are a tangible way of showing respect.
Too Broken For Respect
The first marriage retreat hubby and I went to introduced us The Five Love Languages. We took a test to find out what our Love Language was… Have you taken the test?
The retreat gave us some tools to try out in the broken marriage. The tools left us feeling hopeless.
You see, we were broken too deeply for a little gas to start our car again. We needed real help to save a marriage.
Ten years later we are finally in a healthy healing place – a place where we both feel respect and security enough to speak love to each other.
The point I hope you hear is not that the words of affirmation in love language are bad or that there is no hope for your marriage. NO! Far from it. The point is, if tools for a healthy marriage don’t work for you, keep digging in until you find ways to heal the brokenness!Ten years later we are finally in a healthy healing place – a place where we both feel Respect and Security enough to speak love to each other. Click To Tweet
How Did We Fix Our Christian Marriage?
For the past several years God has been completely overhauling my understanding of marriage – specifically my role as a wife in this Christian marriage.
When I hit rock bottom I finally let go and let God have control of every area – including my marriage. Total surrendered. Haha, it always goes that way, doesn’t it. Why do we have to hit rock bottom before we give God the steering wheel (stickered or otherwise)!?!?!?!
Related Post: Let Go and Let God*
I learned the power of words of affirmation from God’s perspective
What are Christian Words of Affirmation?
The trust is, positive words of affirmation for husband are not a love language in the way we normally think. Nope, they were a tool God gives us to show respect to everyone in our lives. He tells us to respect so many people and positions.
Seriously, there are so many verses about the power of our words. They really convinced me to change the way I think about my words and respect!
Why are Words of Affirmation Important?
Biblical affirmations for husbands are so important, but when that particular lesson began I did not actually respect my husband. Do you?
I was trying to figure out, “What words of affirmation do men like to hear?” and, “What is the most powerful word of affirmation?” But I was coming up blank!
Honestly, I love my husband but I did not respect him. I couldn’t think of a single thing he did well or that I couldn’t do better. I certainly didn’t think ‘my best gift is my husband’ or that ‘my husband is the best gift from God’ as many urged me to think.
My husband had messed up so much and refused to try so often that I struggled to find the first thing to admire in him. And he knew it… and it hurt us so much more…
BUT God says wives are to respect their husbands. And words for my husband are a way to show respect.
How Can I Show My Husband Affirmation When I Don’t Respect Him?
Okay, so maybe you feel like I am going on and on too long about this lack of respect. Cool. If you don’t struggle with this, go to the section with examples of words of affirmation for husband.
But for the rest of us, I want to share 4 practical How To’s that helped me begin to feel respect, think the respect, and then speak respect to my husband.
- Think back
- Pray for God’s eyes
- Believe God
Think back to find words of affirmation for my husband
Well, there I was, knowing I needed to affirm my husband, and show respect through my words in some way. But I had no idea what to say about the man he was.
Then, one day while in my quiet time, I felt the prompt from the Lord to think back. “Think way back to when you started dating. There were things that drew you to this man.”
- For me, it is that Bud was honest, funny, athletic, a hard worker, and fiercely loyal.
As I remembered things, I began telling him and reminiscing with him about those days in our life before responsibility and trauma and loss. Those were the best words for husband motivation I could find and they lit a spark.
Pray For God’s Eyes
Then God reminded me that He gives wisdom without judgment (*). So I began to pray for God to open my eyes and help me see Bud the way He sees Bud.
Suddenly, I began to see all kinds of good things about this man, which was hard to believe. You see, I had convinced myself he was 100% bad, worthless, and unnecessary for my life. (Sorry if that’s a little too honest… but it was the place I was living.)
As I spoke each affirmation for my husband he rose to the respect in an amazing way.
Dream About The Future
Not only did God help me see Bud through his eyes, the man he is becoming, He challenged me to dream. Dream of the things I wish I saw in him. Do you ever dream of what could be inside of your marriage?
I started searching scripture for things God says He wants in us all and praying for those things in my husband.
Y’all, God has faithfully been answering.
I wanted Bud to fix the things in the house and cars, be an active father, lead us spiritually, have good godly guy friends, take the financial burden from me, etc.
Words of affirmation for my husband have been words of life that saved my marriage.
One of my favorite husband quotes or love quotes for a husband is below and it really helped change my perspective from nagging to encouraging.
“Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be.” ~Ralph Waldo Emmerson
We must remember, speaking into the future version of your husband isn’t naive. Neither is it setting you up for disappointment. Rather, it is believing God is able to move and change. Do you believe God can change your husband?
It may not happen the way you want, but it will happen. And when it does, you will be able to praise HIM!
30 Wors of Affirmation Examples for Him and How To Use Them
Below is a list of affirmations or words of affirmation examples from my own marriage. I try to use these words of affirmation daily to encourage him and keep building on the momentum in our healing relationship.
How do I give my husband an affirmation word? I text him, I write note cards, and I randomly bring things up to him throughout the week.
I hope they inspire you!
Words of Affirmation at Work
I write these encouraging messages for my husband on note cards and slip them in the car so he finds them on the way to work. Think of them as creative ways to learn how to express love in words to your husband… even for things you feel he should do. We all like a pat on the back!
1. I admire the way you work.
2. I feel secure when you work so hard.
3. It is so sexy when you come home from work all sweaty (exhausted).
4. Thank you for providing for us.
5. If I could go back and change everything, I would still pick you.
6. I love you more today than when we married.
7. You are the most amazing father.
8. I love watching you love your children.
9. You are a great role model for our children.
10. Thank you for fixing the….
Words of Affirmation for Him in the Morning
These are some sweet things to say to your husband in text messages throughout the day. My husband is a morning person, I try to send them early.
If these dno’t spark something, ask yourself this question. What can I say to make my husband feel special? You know him. Speak life into his insecurities and fears.
11. I appreciate you taking care of the ……
12. You really turn me on when you handle the….
13. I admire your consistency.
14. When you fixed that I couldn’t look away from your muscular…
15. I feel safe when you are with me.
16. Thank you for being honest about …
17. I love to look at you.
18. When you lead our home, I feel cherished.
19. You can do anything you set your mind to. You proved it when…
20. I admire you for finishing…
Words of Affirmation for Mental Health
Sometimes I will write these words to my husband on a note with kiss stamps and tuck it in his pajama drawer. Other times I keep these prompts on my phone for when he feels very low. Mental health is a real issue in our life and a bit of affirmation at the right moment can go a long way!
21. It makes me smile when you take care of…
22. I believe in you because…
23. God made you perfectly to fit with me.
24. I love how our differences work together, like when…
25. I’ve been thinking about you all day and I can’t wait to…
26. I respected you when you did…
27. I love our life together because you…
28. I noticed you’ve grown in the area of…
29. I trust you and will support you in…
30. You are a respectable man because…
How Will You Use These Words of Affirmation for Him?
So, the words of affirmation for him 5 love languages didn’t work for us initially because our marriage had deeper issues. Respect and security were missing and we weren’t enjoying each other anymore.
The Lord really worked hard to get through to me to do the work of healing the brokenness in me and forgiving my husband.
Once that deeper heart work was done, and I understood this better, things changed. Now I use the words of affirmation to show love to my husband daily.
Will you join me?
A 30-Day Words of Affirmation Marriage Challenge
Words of encouragement for men tend to be related to their masculinity, their work, or their character. Why not build him up and watch God use those words of life to create momentum in your marriage?”
Join below and get this printable Set of Words of Affirmation direct to your email!
Are you looking for Words of Affirmation gift ideas for him?
There are 52 Printable cards that are affirmations to speak over your husband. You can print them out, commit to pray over them, and give one per week to your husband for the next year.
Words of affirmation gifts for him will build him up and create momentum for real change in his life!
These are cards build my own husband up. I go back to them every year to reprint and share – it never gets old.
If you enjoyed this you would also like these Posts:
- How to Stop Controlling My Husband in a Christian Marriage
- and How To Be a Biblical wife to an Ungodly Husband
- How to Fast and Pray in a Way that Pleases God
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