Have you noticed a theme running through My priorities? Love; Love God, Love others (starting with my husband), Love my kids has to be next right? Yes and no. Part of loving my kids flows from loving my husband God’s way.
For years I felt like a single parent trapped in a struggling marriage.
Have you ever felt that?
My husband used to shrink back from playing with or spending time with these little blessings.
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
Here’s my confession.
I was not a good wife. I was also not being a good mommy. Now before you think I am just being too hard on myself let me explain.
I was a controlling and nagging wife.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.
Yep, I was that woman. And I had the failing marriage to prove it.
I was convinced my way was the right way – the only way- to live our lives and raise our children.
- So, I would lecture B about my way.
- Or I would berate him when he did it “wrong”.
- And I would do it all in front of our children – who saw that mommy didn’t really respect their daddy.
God used a crazy season of our lives to get my attention.
God had to bring me to my knees so that all I could do was look to Him. He stripped away every illusion about our failing marriage being B’s fault and showed me my mess.
(I can’t wait to share that with you! It has translated into a cool 9 week Bible Study about Biblical Wifehood called Fixing My Marriage. I’ll be giving a copy away during the Blog Party -details below.)
- God showed me how to love -His way.
- God also showed me how to control my mouth!
- I had to re-learn what to say to B as well as what Not to say.
I tell you what -it was a complete overhaul of a messed up “Christian” life.
One of the coolest things God showed me was that there are things only a daddy can do for these little blessings.
I needed to give him the freedom to interact with them his way through:
- Exploring nature
- Ridding bikes on his handlebars
- Camping in the back yard
- Staying up late to watch a balloon glow
- Or any other thing that is outside my realm of comfort.
They are his children too.
He has so much to offer them but he won’t step up IF I am constantly correcting:
- how he talks to them
- disciplines them
- plays too rough with them
- does anything differently than I would do it with them
He will withdraw and refuse to interact with them at all.
He may even begin to resent me and them for the time they take me away from him. I know this has been true in my home in the past… until I began learning God’s way of Fixing My Marriage.
This area is actively under development in my life especially as my oldest is approaching that “Tween” phase… I can’t believe I am the parent of a “Tween” y’all!
BUT, I am seeing my man step up and pour into our kids lives in ways I only ever dreamed possible. He is an amazing father and husband… now that I have given him the Safe Space to be what God created him to be.
To God be the Glory!!!!!!!