What do you do when, unexpectedly, you are couped up with your husband 24/7? Whether your marriage is healthy and happy or in a difficult season, that much time together can put stress on the relationship. Here are 60 simple ways to help when my husband is driving me crazy at home!
These tactics work weather your husband is home for a holiday, a vacation, or some other reason. When too much time together is not going well we need a plan to not go crazy!
Why Is My Husband Is Driving Me Crazy at Home?
“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11 ESV)
One area my family struggles with, repeatedly, is my husband’s work situation. He hops from job to job, often leaving gaps in between jobs where he is at home with us… for what feels like a long time. I am a stay-at-home mom. Nanny. Homeschool mom. Blogger. Virtual Assistant. Online Business Owner. Author.
Our home runs on routine and structure to allow all the roles I fill in each day.
When my husband is home unexpectedly during one of his gap times the routine is disrupted. I struggle to maintain all the roles I fill. Our children struggle to know what is happening when and how to adjust. it is the little things, the small things that we do in different ways that trip us all up and destroy our needed routines.
One of our children has autism which requires another layer of structure and routine, making the changes a real problem.
When we get off schedule things crumble into chaos quickly and I go crazy. I have several friends who hear me say with regularity, “Help, my husband is driving me crazy at home!”
Over the years I’ve created a sort of list to go to when this happens. As a married couple, we need this list to avoid a difficult time and grow our marriage into a better relationship. We need it for our own sanity and for our children to see a good example of how to work through important things like this.
How Do You Live With Someone Who Drives You Crazy?
Here’s the thing, we both drive each other crazy sometimes.
My need for routine and structure drives him crazy. His need for humor and absurdity amidst the everyday parts of life drives me crazy.
My habit of making the bed when I wake up drives him crazy. His desire to sleep in late when not working drives me crazy.
My habit of planning our meals and noting where each piece of food fits in the week drives him crazy. His late-night trips to the fridge that throw off my meal plan drive me crazy.
And when you are focused on a negative event (like the loss of a job or an upset child because of the change in routine) even a small thing can blow up. Right?
So how can we work through these seasons of irritation that pup up when big things or little things change?
Related: Crisis-Proof Your Weigh Loss
How do you live with someone who drives you crazy? Don’t laugh, I’ve asked this question sooooo many times. The answer is that ALL people drive us crazy if we spend enough time with them… The trick to surviving those times when you are thrown together and driving each other crazy is as simple as 1 – 2 – 3. Yep, 3 simple steps to love each other better!
- Pray more than you complain.
- Accept the quirky parts of them.
- Find common ground.
Pray More Than You Complain
Prayer changes things. Period. No matter how crazy your spouse is driving you, you can pray and find hope from God.
We’ve talked long and hard about Why we pray (to become a strong prayer warrior), how to pray, when to pray, and when to pray harder by fasting.
Prayer is our access point to God almighty who is capable of mighty miraculous things.
When you are couped up with your spouse – with no end in sight – and that man is driving you crazy, take the frustration to God as one of the first things you do before you open your mouth to your spouse.
The same God who will fight for you, defend you, cover your shame, give you a new name and work all things together for your good, cares about this. God cares that you are losing your mind.
He cares that you long to remain a godly wife even when your husband is driving you crazy. Maybe your partner’s behavior is ungodly or maybe he’s just stepped on your last nerve.
Every time you are tempted to complain – pray instead.
Accept the Quirky Parts of Your Spouse
What do you do when your wife drives you crazy? Very few men ask this question. Why is it that wives ask this so much more often than men? Gary Thomas in his book, ‘Loving Him Well‘ quotes a statistic that is shocking (this is a good book to read to grow your marriage btw).
“Men are more satisfied with their wives than wives are satisfied with their husbands.“
When I asked Bud about it he shared:
That it probably is true because men think they are not full of failures. They feel they have messed up so much it’s a wonder their wife is still with them. Any shortcoming of the wife is not nearly what their own shortcoming is so they are satisfied.
What are the annoying things husbands do that drive us crazy?
Does your husband annoy you? It’s possible those were once the very things we loved about them, good things. It is for me. His sense of humor once drew me to him, but now it annoys me because it is not at the “right time.”
The cute things husbands do can also be highly annoying. Why? Busyness, burdens, lack of intimacy, lack of connection, unforgiveness, etc.
In the midst of a hard time, if I am not careful I can feel I hate my husband. All the things that drive me crazy, annoy me, or hurt me over time build up. I don’t take the time to forgive. Bitterness and resentment slide in and taint my thoughts about even the best my husband does. Hate is the next step.
How do I stop hating my husband?
Find Common Ground
When we spend too much time together in this season of my working at home and him not working, I shift toward negative emotions. There are days I hate my husband.
How do I stop hating my husband?
It’s critical that we find common ground to begin a slight shift in our thoughts about this other human being created in God’s image
How do couples find common ground when things have digressed?
- Ask God to show you all the things that are unintentional hurts (especially where we saw them as nasty things done to hurt us intentionally).
- Forgiveness is not for the other person – it’s for you.
- Give the hurts to God.
- Ask Him to help heal you which only leads to good stuff for your relationship with the LORD
- Look for the things you agree about, the great ideas that can bond you again.
- Agree to set aside the things that are hard for a season to focus on long term growth.
- Have fun together with quality time like the best friend you used to be!
- Spend time talking without technology.
- Connect over the Word of God.
My Husband Drives Me Crazy But I Love Him
There was a time when we were in a far worse place in our Christian Marriage.
He used to do a lot of gaslighting – manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Does that sound like your spouse? Counseling is what helped break that cycle for us.
If you are in a toxic marriage with a narcissistic spouse I encourage you to seek professional help.
However, if the problems you face in your godly marriage are not abusive, an intensive time in God’s Word could help. Have you checked out the 9-Week Marriage Bible Study, ‘Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage‘?
After much counseling, then focused time in God’s word learning what it means to be a godly wife, a Biblical wife, a Proverbs 31 Wife, and giving my husband into God’s hands to change I can say this in truth.
I love my husband – even though he drives me crazy at home sometimes!
When you are stuck at home together there are many things you can do to lighten the mood and break the tension.
60 Simple Ways to Help When My Husband is Driving Me Crazy at Home
After almost 20 years of marriage, it is too easy to focus on every character flaw and feel hopeless about your marriage… That’s usually at the heart of why he drives me crazy sometimes…
Now that we know why my husband drives me crazy, let’s talk about ways to help lighten the mood and break the tension! There are 6 areas I target as I begin searching for ways to chill out when my husband drives me crazy at home.
- My Attitude
- Communication Improvements
- Looking for the Good
- Playing together
- Playing Games
- Sexual Intimacy
If ideas about how to get out of the house were an option I’d add:
- Going to the grocery
- Visiting the library
- Walking the zoo
- An exercise class
- Volunteering at church
- Visiting a friend
- Picnic lunch at the park
- Taking an art class with the kids
- Getting a haircut
- Working in the garden
When getting out of the house for an hour is an option – take that first. Time apart can be a healing balm when tension arises.
When getting out of the house is not an option I start with this first section which is all about our attitude. Lightening up to make the best of a tough situation can go a looooooooong way!
10 Attitude Adjusting Activities
- Enjoy the funny things husbands do
- Take yourself less seriously
- Use playful words
- Flirt when you want to fuss
- Smile when you want to frown or scowl
- Sit close – there is power in physical touch for your attitude
- Open the windows and breathe some fresh air
- Laugh together about something
- Take a 5-minute break from each other (this can be as simple as closing the bathroom door)
- Practice deep breathing when you feel stress rise up
10 Tricks to Improve Communication
It’s easy to take communication for granted. When things were fine you didn’t need to have a lot of communication exercises or tools on hand and that’s normal. When you are couped up together and driving each other crazy, you need a few communication tools to help you make it through. Here is a refresher course to help you brush up on your Marriage Communication Tools
- Know yourself and prepare accordingly
- Guard your mouth against careless words
- Accept each other’s flaws
- Pray more than you complain – worth repeating 😉
- Avoid toxic words
- Understand the importance of your thoughts
- Change your negative thoughts
- Use playful words
- Know what your spouse sees as respectful words
- Prepare for and have difficult conversations when needed
To go deeper, check out the Marriage Communication Workshop for more Marriage Communication exercises here.
10 Ways to Look for the Good
It’s so easy to find negative things and feel frustrated. Here are 10 ways to look for the good in even the worst situation and find relief from stress.
- Count your blessings – literally count them (maybe even write them out as you look at the bright side)
- Think back to 1 or 5 years ago and see how you and he have grown
- Look back to what you first loved about each other
- Make a list of what is working in your marriage
- Ask him to share 5 things he loves about you – and vice versa
- List 5 things you admire about him
- List 5 things about his character that are good
- Pray together about seeing the good
- Find something funny in the stressful moment
- What are you thankful for today that you didn’t see last week?
- Choose gratitude today and journal some things that you are thankful for in your spouse.
10 Ways to Play Together
One of the problems with a husband working from home is often that he wants to play. Or at least that is one of our struggles. He wants to play with me, be silly with me, have fun with me. I have a list of things to do that’s a mile long and don’t take the time to play with him. That’s always a mistake. Yes, the list has to get done, but there really is time to just be his wife in the midst of it all.
Men love to play with their wives.
- Notice when he’s being playful and go along with it.
- Make silly faces at him (this fights old age too!)
- Bump him.
- Tickle him.
- Splash him with water.
- Be where he is (if he’s cleaning his shed or reading an article) closeness leads to playfulness.
- Make jokes with him (Here is a link to some silly ones)
- Look at funny memes together.
- Go outside together.
- Remind him of something funny from last week and laugh together.
10 Games to Play Together
I make this a separate list because some men hate games. They love to play with their wives but don’t love specific games. Other men will enjoy a game when they have time. My husband hates most adult games, but will still play younger games if the reward is right 😉
- Uno is fun and can include the kids (I hope we still play it when we have adult children!)
- Traditional card game.
- Go fish is a favorite of ours. Easy and if he wins he picks the reward.
- Apples to Apples or Headbands are fun non-board games.
- Yahtzee or other gambling-type games with a sexual twist.
- Just Dance/Mario Cart.
- A shared activity – a walk or hike or fixing the house is a way to play together.
- A scavenger hunt around the house, on a walk, or in the car.
- The ABC hunt game (we have little kids so it becomes a fun family game).
- Sexy games of all sorts.
10 Intimate Things to Help When My Husband Is Diving Me Crazy
Even when your husband is driving you crazy… no, especially when your husband is driving you crazy… Sexual Intimacy goes a long way in helping you both. But more than helping you, it can be a big help for him.
Sexual Intimacy meets a felt need in men.
When that need is met in men they feel loved and respected and at times the crazy annoying things settle down. These are my best tips to get yourself ready and enjoy intimacy when your husband is driving you crazy.
- Daydream about intimacy with your husband(even when washing dirty dishes!)
- Tell him you are fantasizing about him.
- Ask him to rub your back or whatever turns you on.
- Think of ways to relax so you are less stressed and more ready for intimacy.
- Change clothes in front of him.
- Invite him into the shower with you (if you have kids and can’t find the time).
- Touch him more than you think you need to.
- Kiss him more – 10-20 times more each day than normal.
- Wear something that makes you feel beautiful.
- Initiate sexual intimacy – if it’s in your time on your terms you are more likely to enjoy it.
Which of The 60 Ways to Help When My Husband Drives Me Crazy at Home Will You Pick?
True, it may feel like working from home is ruining my marriage. Living with someone who works from home brings its own bag of stressors.
Right now, my husband never leaves the house. But we’ve seen there are ways to lessen the stress, alleviate the tension, and save your marriage from countless fights and bickering.
When my husband drives me crazy at home I reach into this bag of 60 simple tricks and pick one to try at a time until we are at peace. Which of these things will you try today? Are there things I missed that help you? List them in the comments to help another wife!
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