What is the best Marriage advice you’ve been given? Shut up and pray is the best most practical marriage advice that can save a marriage. I prefer “Talk less and pray more” but the message is the same. My prayers for my husband are much more effective to change my husband than any other tool I’ve tried. The best thing you can do some days is just shut up and pray to improve communication in marriage.
Why Pray for your Marriage?
God used these Bible verses about communication to convince me to pray more.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Can you say that your words meet the criteria given in these scriptures on communication?
Mine don’t. We’ve been talking about how important it is to stop negative thinking. If you found this, we are in the middle of a Free Marriage Communication Workshop. Be sure to go back to Register and start with Session One to put everything into perspective.
I can’t stress the importance of this communication tool for your Marriage. But honestly, even after working on my thought life – thinking positive thoughts toward my husband – my words can still be unkind.
What do you do when you feel this build up like you just have to say that negative thing, but you know it’s not a God think?
Do you feel like a doormat, a pushover, like we’ve lost our voice? I felt like that for years – without hope as I followed the path preached by many from my past. Today I stand before you (well I sit typing before you) to say that all too many have the idea of a submissive wife wrong.
Submission is what we need for today’s session but let me define godly, biblical submission before we go forward.
Submission is a form of Surrender – to make God the Leader in a Biblical Marriage
These are countless places in the Bible that talk about submission. It makes me so frustrated that we often ignore all the references to submission that are not related to a wife’s role in marriage! It is a pity we miss this because God has a plan for us – all believers in the Body of Christ- where submission is a way to love each other.
God’s way of love requires that we surrender ourselves to Him, and then to each other.
True love begins with being submitted to God. Another way to think of submission it is to be fully surrendered to God. We need to come to the place where we say to God,
“All of this life is Yours. Have it all. I want to do it Your way from now on. I will not hold any area of my life back from you. Have Your way in me, God. I surrender my all to You.”
Submission / Surrender has been a process for me. Every time I think I have surrendered everything to God, He shows me another area I have held back. Read more of that here
If we are being technical, the word submission comes from the Greek word hupotassó, which is also used as a military term meaning to place or rank under, to subject.
Submission not talking about a rank of importance, but a hierarchy of accountability. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. The church is told to willingly submit, follow, heed, every command of God, so that we may be blameless.
As godly wives, submission to our husbands must be voluntary… not because he’s earned it, but because God said so!As godly wives, submission to our husbands must be voluntary... not because he's earned it, but because God said so! Click To Tweet
What about when Marriage is difficult and my husband has messed up repeatedly to our family’s detriment?
Can I always trust my husband? Even if I wanted to, the answer was “No.” But can I trust God? Absolutely! I don’t want to gloss over this if there is cause to not trust your husband. This is a real concern that requires more time (Read about that here before you go on if this is your situation).
To Surrender to God and submit to my husband I have to be real about the real things that are too hard to shut up about in our Marriage.
Barrier #5 to Effective Communication in Marriage: Talking more than I pray
I have a list. You do too now, but because we made a list of things to accept about our husband during Session Two*. Today we will take that list to God and go to war against the real enemy of our life and Marriage. Remember we are in the midst of a Spiritual War and we are going to do real Spiritual Warfare for our Marriage
Today we take that list to God’s word and begin to work through it. What are we looking for?
Are the things you can’t accept about your husband in the Bible? Just to be clear, some of those things are just preferences – they won’t be in the bible. Things like:
- How much TV my husband lets the kids watch.
- The way he loads the dishwasher.
- And oh what I would give to find the bed made the way I prefer.
Not every issue I struggle to accept in my husband is a black and white biblical issue. There are certain things that I don’t like about him that I have to accept (and forgive).
But there are things that are there, written in black white and red. Yes, I am saying there are things you actually have a leg to stand on against him. But instead of standing on that leg – wielding a bible as your tool against your husband – I want you to take that bible passage to God to fight FOR your husband.
Now, I have 2 lists.
List #1 is filled with the things that I prefer but are not really biblical issues – things I need to let go of and accept.
And let’s sit here in front of this first list for a moment longer.
Yes, it drives me crazy every time I pick up a wet towel off of my hardwood floor three inches away from my laundry basket. Three inches. He couldn’t have carried it three more inches?
Deep breath. Okay. You know what? The only perfect man that ever walked this earth was Jesus Christ. My husband is not Jesus Christ nor will he ever be him. And there are just things I have to let that go and yes that is Biblical. If you are ever looking for bible verses about marriage, these are my go-to scriptures (Thanks Max!).
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
In letting go and giving those preferences to God – God will help me learn to accept them and him by extension. God will help me love my husband him like I would love any other believer in Christ and accept their flaws.
Just because he is my husband doesn’t mean I have any right to expect him to be more perfect than any other man.
List #2 is filled with the things that I can’t accept about my husband that are biblical issues.
These are the things you have a leg to stand on in the fight – and this is war. We need a battle plan because the enemy sure has one he is using against our husbands and against our Marriage.
Today You will create a war room prayer for marriage. A powerful spiritual warfare strategy.
How do you create a Powerful, Effective Prayer Strategy to do Spiritual Warfare for your Marriage?
Fist, you take those scriptures (The ones you found when you took your list to the Bible) and are journal through them in prayer topically (See more about that here).
Check out my Prayer Strategy for one of our relationship problems (10 Things to pray about Gambling in a Christian Marriage). List all the verses in the bible about these marital issues. Write them out as prayers naming your husband specifically in the prayer.
If you truly understood the power of prayer to change your marriage trouble you would grab hold of this spiritual weapon and never let go.
Second, you will set a time -every day- to pray through this strategy. I pray issues by issue or topic by topic through the week or month… going to war for your husband for your marriage in prayer.
Prayer may seem passive, but it is the heavy lifting of the spiritual battle for your husband who is under attack.Prayer may seem passive, but it is the heavy lifting of the spiritual battle for your husband who is under attack. Click To Tweet
Where has the enemy gotten footholds or strongholds into your husband’s life? What are the areas where he is completely blind to the destruction and damages his sinful behavior is wreaking on his children and his wife and his own happiness?
To Pray is to go to war against the real enemy of your Marriage.
It is critical for a healthy marriage that we learn when to just be quiet about the things we can’t accept about our husband and Pray instead. This is the most hopeful advice I can give any wife, anywhere, any time. When you feel disappointed and hopeless, knowing that you have powerful weapons to change the outcome of the situation is true Hope.
Knowing that the King of king loves you and will fight the real battle in your marriage brings the truest Joy I’ve ever known.Knowing that the King of king loves you and will fight the real battle in your marriage brings the truest Joy I've ever known. Click To Tweet
Be sure to work through Session Five in your workbook to begin creating a War Room Strategy that will scare that snake off and improve communication in your marriage.
In conclusion – You can use your Spiritual Weapons to Change the pattern of Negative Thoughts and create Effective Communication in Marriage
Today we covered the importance of Prayer in improving communication in Christian Marriage. Understanding who the real enemy is and the tools we have to fight the real battle for our Marriage is powerful.
Aren’t you thankful God gave us powerful weapons for just that purpose?
This is the Fifth step in the heart deep process of radical change that will fix in your Marriage – it will fix communication in Marriage. When we stop speaking words of death and pray about those issues instead we will see the Power of God unleashed in our Marriage.
If this is an area you are working to improve in your marriage be sure to join the Workshop, download the effective communication in Marriage PDF workbook that is filled with even more Marriage Communication exercises! You will also receive Printable Bible Verses about communication.
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