Have you ever been
dutifully happily reading along during your morning quiet time (still half asleep- spilling coffee on your journal) and find Jesus stepping all over your toes with His powerful words?
“But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another” (Galatians 5:15 NASB).
This verse found me at one of the lowest points in married life. I’m talkin’ -ring off, radar up, just waiting for him to mess up one more time before I sent him off to live with his dad- point in our marriage.
God and I had been wrestling over this marriage all year
I say “God and I” because hubby had quit fighting for us long ago. To shoot straight with you ladies, when I am upset with something in my husband, my words can be ugly.
Yet I know that if he spoke to me the exact same way it would hurt deeply. Gr… Why do I act that way!?!?!?! Can you relate?
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment to your Marriage? We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
We just finished a 31 day Series to help us Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Christian Marriage. Get the articles Free in this downloadable e-Book. And Be sure to check out the Wives Only FB Group where Christian Wives chose Hope and Joy in every Season
As I sat reading that one verse over and over again it suddenly fell into context.
Galatians 5:14-17 For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.
My husband is my neighbour.
I need to speak to him like I want to be spoken to. Seems like common sense, but I don’t do it consistently.
God showed me a truth: my mouth does more damage than anything else in our marriage. Talk about stepping on my toes that morning!
Praise God we have the Holy Spirit battling as we walk through this life – battling to make us more holy!
Proverbs 18:21 NASB – Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it’s fruit.
I think we know what words bring death… but what are the words that bring life? I haven’t heard many sermons preached on that!
How To Speak Words of Life to my husband
Y’all I can get so frustrated with that man that I want to scream! It happens the same way with my kids… hear me out now, I am not comparing my husband to my kids. I am comparing my reaction to the frustration.
The way I respond to frustrating situations often determines the mood in the house – weather it’s with my kids or my husband.
“If momma ain’t happy nobody’s happy.”
When I react out of frustration, chaos and anger will ensue. But, if I respond with a light-hearted playfulness, it can set the stage for many magical things.
A sense of humor is a great Communication Tool in marriage
I am 99.9% serious Y’all, I had to learn humor – literally rehearse in my mirror what to say to redirect frustrating situations.
Three 3 steps to find Playful Words – and wow did they work like Magic in the life of our Marriage!
- Stop believing your husband hurt you on purpose.
- That man more than likely does not sit around planning ways to hurt you. Yet, I really thought he did…
- Forgive because most offenses in life are unintended.
- Can you think of a time a friend shared how you hurt her?
- She probably spent hours obsessing over it while you didn’t realized you hurt them.
- We have so much on our minds and can be short with others without realizing it.
- It is critical to forgive quickly and easily, remembering that we are trying to assume the best in others.
- Plan ways to respond so you are ready for the next frustrating situation.
How do You Use Playful Words?
I Spend time practicing in a mirror (because my face can give me away), or pretending in my mind (like you used to play dolls as a girl).
Let me share the first time I tried out my new Playful Words.
We were both exhausted. I had overcooked the noodles for our dinner only to realize too late that we didn’t have spaghetti sauce. All the while the kids were boxing it out over the mixed-up Play Doh. The stage was set for disaster… normal human disaster.
It is not uncommon for hubby to begin to tear me down about how easy this meal should be. “Who messes up spaghetti?” has been uttered in my house more times than I can count.
In that moments I chose to respond rather than react.
In the past I would react with words to tear him down as well. Honestly, some days I would have run from the room in tears over my failure as a woman.
That day however, I gave a little curtsey; laughed off his criticism with a saucy remark about my ability to be consistent in even the simplest tasks.
That little bit of playfulness was enough magic to snap the house into a comical mood.
He apologized for being so critical and we moved on and tried to enjoy an odd meal.
This new way of communication (using Playful Words) is like a healing salve to save our marriage. It transformed our marriage completely.
Now he thinks I am a comedian, often commenting that I “should take my show on the road”.
Coplete Disclosure: It doesn’t always work, but I am often in a better mood for the attempt – so everyone wins.
Proverbs 18:21 death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit
Choose life and watch it change your marriage for the better!
Could you use help finding Words of Life to speak to your husband?
Words of Affirmation (admiration and appreciation) and prayer are 2 of the biggest things that healed our broken Marriage. I wanted to share a strategy that could be The Best Gift for our Husband!
Check out these Words of Affirmation Cards in my shop, print them out, commit to pray over them and give one per week to your husband for the next year. You will build him up and create momentum for real change in his life!
Tiffany Montgomery of HopeJoyInChrist.com is a Jesus Girl with a passion to Encourage and Equip Christian Wives and Moms with Practical tools to Grow in Faith through Biblical Discipleship.
PS… This is a small part of the Wives Only Marriage Bible Study – Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage
Who is this Marriage Bible Study for?
- Are you a wife worried that your Christian Marriage is not going to survive?
- Do you feel hopeless, joyless or miserable in your Marriage?
- Are you a wife – unsure what your role is in your Christian Marriage?
- Do you struggle to connect as a couple anymore?
- Do you feel trapped, with no idea how to fix a marriage?
- Have you tried everything and nothing has helped our Marriage?
- Are you thinking or talking about divorce?
Whatever season of Christian Marriage I find myself in, it seems easy to forget that God’s way and the Culture’s way are different.
Are you Ready for Radical Change in your Marriage?
That was me – just a few years ago. Stuck, Hopeless and Miserable with no idea how to change the course of our Christian Marriage. I had read every book I could find, went to retreats, counselling… and still, our Marriage was failing.
- We hit rock bottom.
- I got very real with God about my part in the Marriage.
- I found a Mentor I could trust.
- We worked through every issue in our marriage with an open Bible!
I found another way to do Biblical Marriage – a Radical Way – that changed our direction from divorce-bound to Hope and Joy filled.
You can have Hope and Joy in your Marriage too!
God has a way to do Marriage that brings Hope and Joy!!!!!!!!
In this 9 week Course, we will dig into the Bible and find a way to rebuild our Marriage to last a lifetime!