When Cultural Marriage Advice Fails God Has the Way (#ChristianMarriage, #BiblicalWifehood, #FindingHope&JoyInMyMarriage)

When Cultural Marriage Advice Fails God Has the Way

There I was, a 19-year-old Christian girl who just had the ∗stars∗ of naivety sucker punched out of her eyes.  I was emotionally bruised and bloody from a failed marriage.  That is still hard to say.  No one ever expects to be working on their 2nd marriage at 19…  or maybe that’s the new cultural norm.  

Oh Hi!  I’m Tiffany.

ProfilePic Tiffany Montgomery (HopeJoyInChrist.com)

Wife to Bud and momma’ of 2 Little Blessings!  I love sharing any part of my story that could help someone else along the path.
Marriage is my passion.  Well, Biblical Marriage is my passion.
I tried doing marriage the cultural way… tried and failed!
And tried again and almost failed again!

Would you agree that Marriage can be hard?

I struggle to be a good wife, let alone a godly wife!  Living out Biblical Wifehood is no easy job.  I know I couldn’t do it without a safe community to encourage me to keep on keeping on.  I’d love for you to join us on Facebook -here!

Bud and I had no idea how to do Marriage well. 

We met during my divorce.  Even in the hurt of that season, I was sure Marriage was the answer to my lonely broken heart.  It wasn’t. 

Marriage brought two messy hearts together… and it was hard. 

When Cultural Marriage Advice Fails God Has the Way PinIt (#ChristianMarriage, #BiblicalWifehood, #FindingHope&JoyInMyMarriage)

We spent years hopelessly searching for marriage help.  Many people offered what I would call “cultural marriage advice”. 

  • Marriage should be 50/50.
  • Respect has to be earned.
  • A woman can do anything a man can do – only better
  • Always be available for sex or he’ll go somewhere else for it

What a mess all that advice made!!!!!!!!

Even well-meaning Christians gave this same marriage advice.   But then, most of the Christians around us were also getting divorced… so we didn’t know what to do.    

I turned to books.  It was easy to find bits and pieces of advice here and there!  But it was hard to piece them all together and apply the changes in real ways.

Then came the day I was sure this marriage was over.   

I cried out to God.  Why was it always so Hard?  I remember feeling so unloved and alone. It seemed as if things would never get better.  
 As I prayed and prayed for Bud to change, God confronted me with a fact.

 The only person I have any control over in this marriage- is me.  

Change starts with me!

“I don’t know what to change,” I told God, “but I will keep pressing in until you show me the answer,”.

The Power of a Praying Wife  was the first book that made a difference!  

I’m embarrassed to say it was given to me during my 1st marriage.   I never opened it.  In reality, I didn’t want to fix that marriage.  I was convinced he was the problem and I just wanted out.  

In truth: I never thought divorce would hurt so deeply.  

Marriage is hard, but divorce is harder.  

Divorce hurts in ways you never imagined you could hurt. 
It felt like someone ripped the heart out of my body and poured salt in the raw wound.  
I still vividly remember those days and the pain of it all.   Those memories created a sense of desperation in me to save this marriage.
At all cost, I had to avoid repeating that mistake!  
I started with praying through this book.  It taught me how to really pray for Bud.  Things slowly beginning to change… in me.

That’s right; God had plans to change me.

I hate change!  It took 3 years before God had softened my heart enough to start making more changes!
Don’t lose heart if you feel like the waiting is taking too long!
God works in His own time… but He is working!
After 3 years of praying that book, I was again ready to quit!  I couldn’t see anything changing (in him) and I was tired of how hard Marriage was.

Enter another book  – Fascinating Womanhood.  

This is the most controversial book I’ve ever read!!!!!!
  • I wanted to burn it every other paragraph!
  • I’ve never wanted to stop reading a book so badly in my life.
  • I even rationalized setting it down because it does not conform itself completely to my faith!
But I was at the end of my rope and the principles seemed radical enough -counter-cultural enough –that I had to at least try them out.  

AGH!  It began to change every part of my wifehood.  

Each chapter seemed to peel me apart like skinning a live bear.  I tried each idea on Bud.  Then cried because they worked! Every last backward, outdated, archaic idea worked.  These things were opening my husband up.  

  • He began to talk to me about real things.  
  • We were connecting as he began to share his soul with me again.
  • He started helping me around the house and showing love toward me for the first time in years.

An eye-opening -aha- moment.

I learned that I had been doing marriage like the culture around me.   God began showing me how wrong the cultural standard for Marriage is. 

How had it never occurred to me that God has a way to do Marriage?  

Isaiah 55: 8-9 Trust God even though His ways are higher than mine

God’s way is so different from the culture we live in! 

I determined to learn what the Bible says I should do differently as a wife… Biblical Wifehood! 
God has one by one challenged my ideas with clear scriptures. 

He is teaching me to think differently:

  • To ask “Is that the Cultural advice or is it what the Bisays say about being a godly wife?”
  • Be willing to let go of any thinking and acting that the Bible speaks against.
  • To willingly embrace God’s way- no matter how hard it seems.
    • God’s way is always worth it!

Do you need some encouragement in this season of your Christian Marriage? 

We could all use help to Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Wifehood.

2 years ago I felt the call to share what God has taught me.  I was so ignorant of this Biblical way to do Marriage… but I know I’m not alone.

Each Monday I am going to share some practical tips and encouragement. #MarriageMonday 

These are the things that have radically changed my marriage.  

I’ve written it down in a Bible Study.
“Finding Hope & Joy in my Marriage: a 10 week study of Biblical Wifehood”
Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage Online Marriage Course for Wives Only PinIt ( #findinghopeandjoyinmymarriage #ChristianMarriage #ChristianMarriageadvice #BiblicalMarriage #Relationshipadvice #ChristianLiving #HopeinMarriage )

Who is this Marriage Course for?

  • Are you a wife worried that your Christian Marriage is not going to survive?
  • Do you feel hopeless, joyless or miserable in your Marriage?
  • Are you a wife – unsure what your role is in your Christian Marriage?
  • Do you struggle to connect as a couple anymore?
  • Do you feel trapped?
  • Have you tried everything and nothing has helped our Marriage?
  • Are you thinking or talking about divorce?

Whatever season of Christian Marriage I find myself in, it seems easy to forget that God’s way and the Culture’s way are different.

Are you Ready for Radical Change in your Marriage?  Check out the Full Course Here!

My Favorite Part of #MarriageMonday is prayer!  I pray through a list of couples each Monday.  Just comment below to add your name to the list!
in HIM,
Sharing is Caring!

Tiffany Montgomery

Tiffany of Hope Joy in Christ inspires Christian Women to grow in faith, live out Biblical Marriage Principles and raise Godly Children.  Join the Wives Only Facebook Group here or keep up with her through Pinterest.

13 thoughts to “When Cultural Marriage Advice Fails God Has the Way”

  1. Yes. I’m loving what I have read already! Please keep me and my husband in prayer!

    1. I’m so excited to have you Cassia! I will be praying for you and your family.

    2. Hi Tiffany thank you so much for offering to pray for couples who are needing help in their marriage there are a lot of us out there that need your help thank you please pray for my husband Lee and our family.

  2. You are so right that cultural marriage has it backward! Marriage is not about receiving love but giving love. Love is also never once described as an emotion in the bible but rather an action and an intention. That is certainly not a mainstream idea! I’m so glad that you have found Godly ways to connect with your husband! God bless!

    1. Thanks for dropping by Melissa! It has been quite a journey… and I often have to readjust as the culture draws me back so quickly. But I’m so excited to share it with others!

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