Why Is It So Hard for Love to Be Kind (#MarriageMonday #BiblicalWifehood #ChristianMarriage)

Why Is It So Hard for Love to Be Kind?

Do you know your personality type? I used to think I did, then as the years wore on in my marriage I noticed it shifting a bit.  Funny huh?  Marriage really changes everything.  I always thought I was a kind person, but that is not always true in my home.  Can you relate? 

Why oh why is it so hard to be Kind in my own home?

If you are new to HopeJoyInChrist, we are walking through a study of 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 each Marriage Monday.  
We are examining each of the verbs in this text and applying them to our Wifehood within our Christian Marriage.  The Goal is to stop the crazy divorce rate that comes when we try to do marriage like the culture around us.  Well, that’s my goal – I am dreaming big for my family!  Dream with me!!!!!  

Have you been taking the Marriage Challenges?  

There’s no short-changing Discipleship. 
If you missed any, go back and take the challenge.  Let’s start getting on track with doing Marriage God’s way!  It will make all the difference!

So what does it mean? Love is Kind

Love does/speaks good when it can, even in the face of injuries.
I would be fine with this one if it stopped before the comma… I mean can I get an Amen?!?!?!?!
Doing and speaking good when I can is not a challenge.  The challenge is doing it in the face of injuries.  That is not natural in my human self!  I am very selfish… that is the real reason why it is so hard for me to be kind… maybe you are not as selfish as I am.  Maybe you have a different way.  That is just mine.
Please note here that I am talking about injuries that happen in the normal course of our lives – NOT ABUSE.  There is Never a time when abuse is acceptable.  If you are in a place of abuse – seek help.  There are many places that help women in an abusive situation.  
To apply this verb I have to find things that my husband likes and do them even when his words/actions (or lack of actions) have hurt me.  And they hurt sometimes!

Kindness puts him first even when he has not been kind.

When I am hurt, I have had to learn to pray.

Have you noticed a pattern? I simply can not do anything good in this marriage without God’s help. When I pray, God reminds me to forgive (I know – another reoccurring theme!)

Is forgiveness something you wrestle with?  

I used to too.  -I’d love to share how I got out of that bitter resentful cycle.  There is a Pathway I found to truly forgiving the Pain, Abuse, and Betrayal that stole so many years of my life.  I was stuck, unwilling to forgive.  I had to learn to release people so I could walk in freedom!

So I pray, I forgive (or work on forgiving) – but where is the action? 

As I pray God reminds me of things that show my hubby love.

It could be as simple as picking up a bag of Twizzlers while I’m out at the store. (The way to a man’s heart is often through his tummy right?!?!?!)

Kindness also means I need to swallow my critical response (of which I have many).

It means I need to intentionally find something to praise him about (admire or appreciate about him) instead of my usual criticism. 

Critical Words are often my first reaction.  That is a character trait God has to change in me – no amount of “Trying harder” will do it!  Ephesians 4:29 is one I have hung over the sink – to remind me.
Why Is It So Hard for Love to Be Kind PinIt (#MarriageMonday #BiblicalWifehood #ChristianMarriage)

Let me give you a personal example?

My husband can be very critical of himself.  Recently he was having a conversation with me where he was upset about being late to work so often.
He was really giving himself a hard time about it and he turned to me and said: “wouldn’t you say I am just a late person”.  
Now, at that moment I had 2 options.
  1. I could have agreed with him 
    • He is late often and that does affect our family.  
    • That would have been true, but not kind or loving.
  2. What I have had to practice is a way to pivot the conversation. 
    • In this case, I began questioning whether “late” is necessarily a character trait.
    • Then I pivoted to listing things that are good and true about his character.
      • He is a great father
      • A hard worker
      • Very smart and intuitive
      • He shows love to use in an amazing way
In this way, the conversation was redirected and I was able to actively show love to my husband.  This time it ended well – though I do not always get it right… have I mentioned I have a mouth on me?

Marriage Challenge:

How can you specifically show kindness to your husband in the next few days?

If you are having a hard time thinking of a way to be kind -in the face of injury – try prayer.  Prayer is our weapon against an enemy who actively seeks to destroy our marriages.   Let’s fight back together!   


Could you use a jolt of Hope and Joy infused into your Marriage?

How about a reminder of God’s way to live as Wives (in the Wifehood)?

Finding Hope & Joy in Marriage e-Course

I wrote this 10 Week Bible Study to share the tools I learned as I studied all The Bible had to say about Marriage. 

(Our Pastor of Discipleship laughingly said: “It should be titled the complete guide to marriage”.  But that wouldn’t get anyone’s attention 😉

This is a 10 Week study on Biblical Wifehood where we will talk about:

  • Love
  • Forgiveness
  • Desires Vs. Preferences
  • My Mouth
  • Appreciation & Admiration
  • The Leader
  • Understanding Men
  • Respect
  • My Priorities

This class will include

  • 10 video lessons
    • You can watch live or when you have time
  • 9 weeks of personal study
    • 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
  • A private Facebook Group to discuss the homework and talk through the weekly challenges
  • 45 Days of Prayer prompts

in HIM,

*Kindness in marriage -30, How can I show kindness to my husband? What is kindness in a relationship? How do you show kindness in a relationship? What makes a strong couple? Kindness quotes, compassionate marriage, kindness in relationships, weddings, help my marriage, how we saved our marriage*

*How to show kindness – 880, how can you show kindness at home? how do you show goodness to others? 100 ways to show kindness, how to show kindness to family, kindness quotes, random acts of kindness, why kindness important, kindness and mental health, howto show kindness to family, how to practice kindness and compassion, 

Sharing is Caring!

Tiffany Montgomery

Tiffany of Hope Joy in Christ inspires Christian Women to grow in faith, live out Biblical Marriage Principles and raise Godly Children.  Join the Wives Only Facebook Group here or keep up with her through Pinterest.

28 thoughts to “Why Is It So Hard for Love to Be Kind?”

  1. “The Word of God teaches us everything we need to know about the opposite sex,” from Dr. Creflo Dollar’s Winning In Troubled Times. Ephesians 5:21 reminds us who are MARRIED, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That word “SUBMIT” is a hard word to swallow and after 53 years of being married to the same lady, at times, it’s still hard to swallow. But then I’m not “submitting” for her sake, my sake…but for Christ’s sake. Some good information you’ve pointed out and WELCOME to our little group!

    1. Thanks Mel! So true. That S word is very important… I hate that it is only pulled out in regards to marriage. We are told to submit to one another, submit to authorities, submit to our elders… everyone really – considering others more highly than ourselves. If we were living that way we would see such a difference in all our relationships!

        1. Its funny how those 2 S words counter each other. I know I am not submitting when I feel my Self Centered-ness rise up (or in some cases when hubby points it out in love) It is just so hard to balance things. Only by His Grace for sure.

  2. Love this – I think sometimes we get so caught up in day to day life that we forget to properly nurture our relationships! I’m definitely going to spend some time showing my man some kindness!

    1. Isn’t it funny that our marriage is usually the relationship we neglect? Thanks for the comment Cassie!

  3. Wow, I just stumbled on this blog, then I fall in love. I used to have memorized the whole chapter of Corinthians 13, it is a beautiful chapter though and yeah always a reminder in everyday married life.

    1. Hi Natasha! So glad you stumbled upon us! I can’t wait to connect with you.

    1. It’s all about being in the process. Getting better at it is good! I do the same thing with hubby. Praying for you and your family Betsy!

    1. Stacy, What I love about this passage is that it actually wasn’t written specifically for those who are married… Paul is writing to all believers… we are to treat everyone this way.

  4. Being kind is essential for harmony. Sometimes when we are stressed we turn into little monsters… It’s important to be loving and kind even if we are currently not at the best state of ourselves.

    1. LOl… little monsters is a good description! Especially at home with those we care for most. Kindness goes a long way.

  5. I love how you redirected the conversation when your husband was being hard on himself about being late at work often. This is a great way to show your other half your love and respect for him/her.

    1. Thanks Andrea… it takes practice, but it has been one of the most important tools in my marriage tool box!

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