Do you ever wonder what it means, “and the two shall become one flesh?” What is a one-flesh marriage? Can you be one flesh in a difficult marriage? These are all questions I’ve asked over the years as I strive to become a godly wife.
Today Aimee from A Work of Grace will share 4 essential steps to become one flesh in a Christian marriage.
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Where Does It Say, And The Two Shall Become One Flesh In the Bible?
Before Aimee Shares, I wanted to share the Scripture references for this topic to get us all on the same page.
Where does it say, “And the two shall become one flesh,” in the Bible?
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 NASB)
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:7-8 NASB)
“and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matthew 19:5 NASB)
“because we are parts of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:30-32 NASB)
A Great Mystery
We can’t understand all of Scripture on this side of the Kingdom of God. There are references to so many things here but for us today we will examine what we can understand.
Becoming one flesh is a beautiful gift from God that our modern world simply takes for granted.
It is important that we understand it and find practical ways to live it out through the power of God at work in us.
This was part of the Hope For Marriage Event. Get all 31 marriage devotionals below!
4 Ways To Live Out The Command, “And The Two Shall Become One Flesh”
Did you find this searching, “What is the most romantic verse in the Bible?” You will be disappointed. And the two shall become one flesh is in several places in Scripture, but it is far from romantic.
It is in the Old and New Testaments among the many marriage Bible verses that God tells us how to live as godly wives His way. To help us understand the concept I want to share a personal illustration.
One Flesh Is Like Knitting
My youngest daughter has a knitted circular blanket she’s had since she was a baby. This blanket is well-loved and well-used. Last year, I noticed it unraveling in several places. If I didn’t do something about it right away, that blanket would soon be a pile of crinkled yarn. As I repaired each hole, I was reminded of becoming one Flesh in marriage.
Each stitch in the blanket is dependent upon the stitches surrounding it.
If one unravels, it sets off a ‘run’ or a hole in the piece. The knitter has to deal with that un-stitched stitch right away… or have a bigger problem on her hands.
Knitting takes a lot of time… and even more patience.
This is also true of marriage. A one-flesh marriage requires endless patience.
For many years, I wondered what it looked like for a husband and wife to ‘become one flesh in marriage. I had no idea what it looked like since that was never modeled to me. Thankfully, our God is graciously willing to teach those of us who are ready to learn (OK, I wasn’t always ready to learn…).
Related Post: How To Be A Godly Wife to An Ungodly Husband
Today I want to share 4 ways to live out two souls becoming one; being knit together.
1. Pray to Become One Flesh in Marriage
Prayer is the one thing that has changed my marriage. I am confident that if I didn’t pray for my husband’s salvation, he might not be following the Lord today.
When I am upset with my husband or when we are in an argument, going to the Lord in prayer softens my hardened heart.
My love for my husband is renewed and refreshed. We become one flesh in marriage through prayer. I have a new perspective on the issue at hand.
Most importantly, through prayer, God gently reminds me that my husband and I are on the same team – that is how to become one flesh in marriage. Through it, I am becoming a Proverbs 31 Prayer Warrior Wife
Related Post: Pray The Proverbs 31 Prayer Over Your Life
When I am upset with my husband or when we are in an argument, going to the Lord in prayer softens my hardened heart. My love for my husband is renewed and refreshed. We become one flesh in marriage through prayer. Share on XOne of my most favorite and intimate moments is when my husband prays over me. He prays over my ministry:
- Before I speak to a group of women
- When I do a webinar
- As I minister to someone
- Before I travel
- and anytime I ask him to.
Prayer is spiritual work. And because of this, our hearts are knit together.
Prayer knits us together as one flesh in marriage.
4 Ways That Two Become One Flesh in Marriage Share on XNeed Help Starting to Pray for Your Marriage?
Are you wanting to fuel your prayer life?
Maybe you want to teach your kids how to pray, but you are at a loss as to where to begin.
Do you want to pray effectively but do you need a practical tool to help you along the way?
Or maybe you are simply looking for some tools to inspire your family’s prayer life.
Perhaps you have teens that are so overwhelmed with life that they are unsure of what to pray.
This Prayer Kit Bundle from A Work Of Grace covers every area of praying with and for your family.
2. Leave to Become One Flesh in Marriage
What does the Bible say about becoming one in marriage?
A better question is, which Bible verse says, “And the two shall become one flesh?”
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 NASB)
God’s word says that when a man and woman marry, they will leave their families and cleave to each other – that leads to becoming one flesh in marriage. And in case you see that as an Old Testament view (and the two shall become one flesh KJV), see it in the New Testament as well in Mark 10:8.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:7-8 NASB)
Have you ever had a challenge in ‘leaving and cleaving’? Then you will know how destructive not doing so is for marriage.
Our relationship with our parents can get in the way of a healthy marriage.
Hence the clear scripture to leave and cleave (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7) which are just a few of the times we see and the two shall become one flesh verse in the Bible.
And The Two Shall Become One Meaning
What does oneness in marriage mean? Is there a way to understand the two become one meaning? I took a gander at what ‘leave’ means in these verses. Hmmm…not quite what I expected. Ready for it?
To leave means to:
- Leave behind
- Depart from
- Forsake
- Abandon
Leave is used of one who on being called away cannot take another with him.
Well, isn’t that interesting?
HUH. God never intends for us to abandon our parents when we leave them. There are many blessings if you have a healthy relationship with your parents.
The meaning of leave in this verse helps us understand the importance of an adult child leaving his or her parents when they marry. This is imperative because if we don’t leave, we can’t move on to the next part, which is to cleave. I know this from experience.
- We will have to answer to God for the times we have failed to leave and cleave.
- Our parents will also have to answer for the times they refused to release their adult children to their marriages.
Leaving knits us together as one flesh in marriage.
3. Cleave to Become One Flesh in Marriage
Cleave is not a word you use in your day-to-day life anymore. To get a better idea of what it means, we need to dig a bit. I took the liberty to look the word up for you.
The Outline of Biblical Usage says cleave in this “and the two shall become one Bible verse” means:
“to cling, stick, stay close, stick with, follow closely, join to, joined together, to pursue closely”.
The Gesenius’ Hebrew-Chaldee Lexicon says this:
“To cleave, to adhere, specially firmly, as if with glue, to be glued…to be lovingly devoted to.”
Does this sound like a typical marriage today? No.
To cleave is a choice NOT a feeling that leads you to become one flesh in marriage. If you want a strong, healthy marriage, you must choose to cleave.
To cleave is a choice NOT a feeling that leads you to become one flesh in marriage. If you want a strong, healthy marriage, you must choose to cleave. Share on XLeave and Cleave: 2 Ways to Promote Oneness in Marriage
To leave and to cleave are two ways to promote oneness in marriage that we often ignore in search of a Hollywood fairy tale. Our world and Hollywood would love for us to believe that marriage is effortless romance. A fairy-tale. There is a perfect soulmate out there for us. The perfect match who will complete us.
The idea of a soulmate is from Greek mythology, BTW. Don’t believe a myth! This is unbiblical and untrue.
Jesus Completes Us
Where in the Bible does it say two are stronger than one?
“And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NASB)
That third strand is Jesus. There is only One who can complete us and that is Jesus. A man will not complete us, ladies. When we think that they can and will, we fail to put much effort into our marriage. We believe the lie that it should just happen magically.
There will be problems, and we ought to expect them, be prepared to face them. It’s just a part of marriage.
Real strong, healthy marriage happens when we choose the right ways to promote oneness in marriage
- To cleave to our spouse
- We choose to love them
- We are in control of our emotions!
- When we choose our spouse over anyone else at all times
- Choose to work in and on our marriages
We are then cleaving to our husbands – learning to be one flesh in marriage.
This idea goes for unhealthy friendships as well. Steer clear of anything or anyone who will undermine your marriage.
Cleaving knits us together as one flesh in marriage.
To Leave and Cleave are two ways to promote oneness in marriage that we ignore in search of a Hollywood fairytale. Share on XWhen Marriage is Hard You Can Still Become One Flesh in Marriage
My husband and I went through financial struggles the first several years of our marriage. It was hard to watch other people always having the new things we wanted but couldn’t have
- The new homes
- New cars
- The new furniture
- New clothes
I will never forget the piece of wisdom God gave to me one day as Marcus and I discussed our struggles. Marcus asked, “Why doesn’t so-and-so ever have any problems? Why is their life always perfect?”.
“It’s going to be the hard times that make our marriage strong,” I heard God say.
“When we make it through one challenge, we are strengthened to endure the next,” I replied.
“When marriages don’t have these hard times, they don’t know how to cope with them. They don’t know how to endure. And a lot of the time, those people do have struggles, we just don’t see them. Or they ignore them and pretend they don’t exist.”
4. Change your perspective
What are the 3 blessings of marriage? Perspective is a huge blessing in marriage. When we shift our focus we find blessings even if what we thought we saw was hardship.
This perspective changes the way we work through challenges in marriage. We can choose to use the hard times to build our marriage, to strengthen our unity. Strength and unity are the other two blessings that come from a better perspective!
The hard times knit us together as we become one flesh in marriage.
The hard times knit us together as one flesh in a Christian Marriage. Share on XPhysical Intimacy
There is also an aspect of sexual union understood with two becoming one flesh. When our own bodies join together through sexual relations there is a beautiful connection made both physically and emotionally. The intimacy is special for a married couple and as such should be guarded!
Each wife is only to be with and imagine her own husbands body just as the husband should only be with and think about his own wife! This is true for a single person
Sexual desire must be guarded as well. Since the beginning of creation, God gave sexual intimacy to mankind as a blessing. Right?!?! We were made in the image of God. The institution of marriage was given by the Lord God Himself! And Sexual Intimacy within the marriage covenant is a good thing given as a gift from our creator.
But the enemy loves to counterfeit and twist every good thing given by our God. So single people sleep with different people before ever even considering waiting for the wedding day or night. We pleasure our own body without considering what God says about sexual intimacy. That snake makes us consider sexual immorality unavoidable as long as there is mutual consent… turning sex into an idol in our lives.
Or He makes us feel bad about sexual intimacy like it is gross or sinful even for a married person. For years I was sure it was only for the sake of the children, to repopulate the earth. But it is clear in the Word of God that human beings were naked and unashamed before they had their beloved children to raise. Adam said, “Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh,” when he saw Eve. He was very attracted to her, seeing her as part of his own flesh.
God’s Relationship
The love of God as seen in God’s Words clearly expresses His design for intimacy in marriage. We don’t have to guess. He even gave us the Song of Solomon detailing things in poetic form.
We even see references to fidelity to God as Jesus Christ is compared to the Bridegroom and Believers are compared to the Bride of Christ. The great Wedding ceremony that will take place or has taken place will be followed by a feast in Heaven one day. This is of course a profound mystery that we can’t understand fully on earth. But with the help of the Holy Spirit through the Holy Scriptures we can see the main points.
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” (1 Corinithains 11:3 NASB)
God is the head of the church. He is also the head of the wife but uses the husband to lead and carry some of the burden. This is representative of Christ Jesus who bears our burdens and submits to God the Father.
Submission is a huge part of the two becoming one flesh. God’s design for sexual intercourse was pleasure, unity, and oneness.
Finding Blessings In, “And The Two Shall Become One Flesh”
These are just 4 ways in which we can become one flesh in marriage. Whether you learned, “And the two shall become one flesh” kjv style or not, these 4 ways to understand the phrase can bring joy and blessings.
How have you and your husband created unity?
Are you keeping those knitted stitches together?
Drop a comment below so we can share ideas!
Aimee is a home educating support teacher who lives in the sunny Okanagan, BC. Aimee has been blissfully married since 1998 and she still swoons at the sight of her tall, dark and handsome husband, Marcus. When she isn’t home educating her 3 kids, she enjoys sewing, quilting, scrapbooking, baking, writing and hanging out with her family. Aimee is a certified teacher who works from home, supporting and encouraging homeschool families. She blogs over at A Work of Grace. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram.
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I keep saying the same thing but it’s what God is really teaching me. Prayer! For my husband, for my marriage, and for my own heart.
That is the key. Praying for you Judith.
Too often, we underestimate the power of our prayers – especially the prayers of a godly wife over her husband! Recently, my hubby and I ‘disagreed’ about a theological topic. Instead of me arguing my point, I simply prayed that God would continue to lead him, guide him, and instruct him – and that’s exactly what happened. Now he agrees with me on the topic;) Well, truthfully, understands that part of God’s word better – so, in agreement with God;)
So much of this is about communication. When you and your partner stay open, express your needs and make sure your positive interactions outnumber the negative ones, you’ll inevitably become closer.
Yes, communication is vital and so many of us get it wrong more often than not. Hoping to see that change 😉
Good, healthy communication is essential in any relationship, but especially marriage. We must be able to share our feelings and thoughts honestly with each other without fear of repercussions. Good communication does draw a couple closer together!
That’s a great message to share to married couple
Hoping it blesses many.
Thank you, Paula. These are things I wish I had known much earlier in marriage – or before marriage! Thankfully, I can use some of these thoughts when my kids get married – like releasing them to be one with their spouse!
I’ve actually never heard the term “one flesh” marriage before. Though, I do understand it, now that you’ve explained it.
I am so glad that the idea of a one flesh marriage makes sense after reading! I pray that you and your husband experience what it truly means within your own marriage. It’s such a beautiful thing!
This is an interesting perspective. I am an agnostic and so is my husband so we don’t necessarily believe in this exactly — but we DO have love and understanding, and that is how we remain solid.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rachel. Choosing to love your spouse and making effort to understand each other certainly goes a long way. Thanks for taking the time to read.
I love this post and love the ways that we can be one with our partner! Love that it is a choice!
Kileen
cute & little
It absolutely is a choice we make every day.
Thanks, Kileen. Being one with your spouse is certainly a choice. But often times it isn’t really explained let alone modeled. I am so thankful that God is so gracious and He honors and blesses our ‘efforts’ to do marriage His way.
Hello! My name is James and I’m a God Fearing Christian Man. Every day, I try to learn new things, things that will help me become a better Christian.
But I’m not perfect, we all make mistakes, I struggle with so many questions unanswered, so many thoughts spinning in my mind.
If there’s anyone who can help, help me become a better Godly Man, I’d appreciate it greatly,
I to have an interpretation of the two become one flesh that I’d like to discuss, if anyone can help, it would help me, thanks and God bless!
Hi James, I hear you and wish I could help you in this, but as a woman, I can only share theoretical things. There are some amazing men of God who also write on marriage. MarriageToday by jimmy Evans, Fierce Marriage and Marriage After God are all host to godly men sharing Biblical truth for husbands. I am praying over you and your marriage today as you continue this journey!