How to Fight for Unity in a Difficult Christian Marriage

Is there distance in your Christian marriage?  Do you disagree more than you agree lately?  We have a very real enemy, who thrives on destroying unity in every relationship.  This same enemy despises unity in marriage.  We have come under attack and must fight for unity.  If we do not fight for unity in a Christian marriage, a difficult season will become a difficult marriage and could easily end in divorce.

Are we in a Difficult Season of Marriage or do we have a Difficult Christian Marriage?

Honestly, there is not much difference.  When a season becomes difficult it is hard to see past it, hard to remember that there ever was a “For better” in our “For better or for worse” commitment.

How does that happen?  Why is it so easy to forget all the good and only see the bad – the different, the mistakes, the flaws – in our spouse?

I wish I understood the why and how behind a difficult season of marriage but I don’t.  All I can say is that the enemy is real.  His strategies are awful, powerful, strategic, and practiced.

When we are in a difficult season in our Christian marriage I need to be reminded of some things.

• God is All-Powerful or All-knowing
  • The enemy is not.

• God is on our side
  • He has already defeated the enemy.

We have to fight back against the enemy – fight for our Christian marriage – fight for unity even when things are difficult.  This is a part of showing love to God… remembering who He is and what He has called us to do daily

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment” (Matthew 22:36-38 NASB)

The enemy sows division – destroying the Unity God desires in Marriage – and I listen

We disagree about everything.

He is annoying me with every word and action.

I can’t stand behind the decisions he is making.

There are days I doubt his faith.

Forget respect.  There certainly is no love.

How did we get here?

When did this happen?

For us, it happens one small piece at a time.  We start out strong – wanting the best, and caring deeply.  Then, it feels like one day we wake up next to a stranger we don’t like.

Thoughts of divorce tempt my mind.  Life would be easier apart.  Maybe a separation would be best.

The enemy has a foothold.  I don’t want to agree with the enemy on anything… yet I find myself entertaining these thoughts.  I need to Fight back against these thoughts!

^“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8 NASB).

How do we really fight for Unity when things are difficult?

When we are in a difficult season I have to remember that my spouse is not my enemy.

I have an enemy.

There is a battle happening that is part of a greater war.

I have to fight.

We have to fight.

But How do we fight a battle we can’t see against an enemy who far outmatches us?

If we are fighting for unity in marriage, we must first be in unity with God.  We must agree that God has a way to do marriage.  Not only must we agree with God’s way, but we must also commit to doing marriage God’s way – regardless of how we feel or how the culture around us contradicts God’s way!

Respect and love are God’s plan in a Christian Marriage.

I love this sort of Love/Respect sandwich in Ephesians 5:22-33. 

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord…

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.“

But let’s be honest, Just being committed to doing marriage God’s way really isn’t enough.  We then have to pray, practice, learn, fail, and try again.  No matter how many times I commit to respecting my husband, it goes out of the window when we enter a difficult season.

What follows will be a 30 day series on using words of affirmation to fight for unity in a difficult Christian marriage.

I hesitate to add the word difficult to Christian marriage, but let’s be honest…  When we are in a difficult season it feels like a difficult marriage.  You have to guard your heart in a difficult marriage!

I need to be reminded to show respect – how quickly I forget – because God said to respect your Husband.

Why do I need to be reminded of this?  Because the culture around me – day in and day out – tell me respect must be earned.  And I see the good, bad, and ugly of my husband making it hard to respect him.

Just being honest.

I see the way he steps over the mess and then grumbles at the kids for being messy.  It’s impossible to see romance in bed when he laughs about farting…  Our differences stand out daily making it hard to see eye to eye about anything.

And as all of that builds up I lose control of my mouth.

Respect has to do with my thoughts, actions, and words.

Only Prayer and practice can make me into a respectful wife in a difficult Christian marriage.

Are you also in a difficult season? We can do this together.  I need the challenge to focus on respect and appreciation – which will lead to unity in our marriage.  It has worked every time and I really need that help and accountability now.

For 30 days we will Fight for Unity in our Christian marriage

My plan is in 2 parts.

1. Fight Defensively
   • With prayer against the areas, the enemy is actively attacking.
   • With reframing our thoughts to show love to God and our Spouse
2. Fight Offensively
   • Words of affirmation build our spouse up with respect.
     

Will you Join me?  Just comment “I’m In” and I’ll be praying with you as we journey together through Thankfulness, Unity, and surrender to God’s Way.

in HIM,

 

PS…  This is a small part of the Wives Only Marriage Course – Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage

30 Days of Fighting for Unity in a Difficult Christian Marriage

1 – 3 Ways to Fight for Authentic Faith in my Husband

2 – How to Fight for Unity in All my Husbands’ Relationships