How to Fight for Unity in a Difficult Christian Marriage

Is there distance in your Christian Marriage?  Do you disagree more than you agree lately?  We have a very real enemy, who thrives on destroying Unity in every relationship.  This same enemy despises unity in Marriage.  We have come under attack and must Fight for Unity.  If we do not fight for Unity in a Christian Marriage, a difficult season will become a difficult Marriage and could easily end in divorce.

Are we in a Difficult Season of Marriage or do we have a Difficult Christian Marriage?

Honestly, there is not much difference.  When a season becomes difficult it is hard to see past it, hard to remember that there ever was a “For Better” in our “For Better or For Worse” Commitment.

How does that happen?  Why is it so easy to forget all the good and only see the bad – the different, the mistakes, the flaws – in our spouse?

I wish I understood the why and how behind a difficult season of Marriage but I don’t.  All I can say is that the enemy is real.  His strategies are awful, powerful, strategic and practiced.

When we are in a difficult season in our Christian Marriage I need to be reminded of some things.

God is All-Powerful or All-knowing – and the enemy is not.

God is on our side – and has already defeated the enemy.

We have to fight back against the enemy – fight for our Christian Marriage – fight for Unity even when things are difficult.  This is a part of Showing Love to God… remembering who He is and what He has called us to do daily

Matthew 22:36-38 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment”

The enemy sows division – destroying the Unity God desires in Marriage – and I listen

We disagree about everything.

He is annoying me with every word and action.

I can’t stand behind the decisions he is making.

There are days I doubt his faith.

Forget respect.  There certainly is no love.

How did we get here?

When did this happen?

For us, it happens one small piece at a time.  We start out strong – wanting the best, caring deeply.  Then – it feels like – one day we wake up next to a stranger we don’t like.

Thoughts of divorce tempt my mind.  Life would be easier apart.  Maybe a separation would be good for us.

The enemy has a foothold.  I don’t want to agree with the enemy on anything… yet I find myself entertaining these thoughts.  I need to Fight back against these thoughts!

^“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8 NASB).

How do we really fight for Unity when things are difficult?

When we are in a difficult season I have to remember that my spouse is not my enemy.

I have an enemy.

There is a battle happening that is part of a greater war.

I have to fight.

We have to fight.

But How do we fight a battle we can’t see – against an enemy who far outmatches us?

If we are fighting for Unity in Marriage, we must first be in Unity with God.  We must agree that God has a way to do Marriage.  Not only must we agree with God’s way, but we must also commit to doing Marriage God’s way – regardless of how we feel or how the culture around us contradicts God’s way!

Respect and love are God’ plan in a Christian Marriage.

I love this sort of Love/Respect sandwich in Ephesians 5:22-33. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord…

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…

…

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

But let’s be honest, Just being committed to doing Marriage God’s way really isn’t enough.  We then have to Pray, practice, learn, fail and try again.  No matter how many times I commit to respecting my husband, it goes out of the window when we enter a difficult season.

What follows will be a 30 day series on Using Words of Affirmation to fight for Unity in a Difficult Christian Marriage.

I hesitate to add the word difficult to Christian Marriage, but let’s be honest…  When we are in a difficult season it feels like a Difficult Marriage.  You have to Guard your heart in a Difficult Marriage!

I need to be reminded to show respect – how quickly I forget – because God said to respect your Husband.

Why do I need to be reminded of this?  Because the culture around me – day in and day out – tell me respect must be earned.  And I see the good, bad and ugly of my husband making it hard to respect him.

Just being honest.

I see the way he steps over the mess then grumps at the kids for being messy.  It’s impossible to see romance in bed when he laughs about farting…  Our differences stand out daily making it hard to see eye to eye about anything.

And as all of that builds up I lose Control of my Mouth.

Respect has to do with my thoughts, actions, and words.

Only Prayer and practice can make me into a respectful wife in a Difficult Christian Marriage.

We can do this together if you are in this same place with me right now.  I need the Challenge to focus on Respect and Appreciation – which will lead to Unity in our marriage.  It has worked every time and I really need that help and accountability now.

For 30 days we will Fight for Unity in our Christian marriage

My plan is in 2 parts.

1. Fight Defensively
   • With prayer against the areas, the enemy is actively attacking.
   • With Reframing our Thoughts to show Love to God and our Husband
2. Fight Offensively
   • Words of Affirmation build our husbands up with Respect.
     

Will you Join me?  Just comment “I’m In” and I’ll be praying with you as we journey together through Thankfulness, Unity, and surrender to God’s Way.

in HIM,

 

PS…  This is a small part of the Wives Only Marriage Course – Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage

Who is this Marriage Course for?

• Are you a wife worried that your Christian Marriage is not going to survive?
• Do you feel hopeless, joyless or miserable in your Marriage?
• Are you a wife – unsure what your role is in your Christian Marriage?
• Do you struggle to connect as a couple anymore?
• Do you feel trapped?
• Have you tried everything and nothing has helped our Marriage?
• Are you thinking or talking about divorce?

Whatever season of Christian Marriage I find myself in, it seems easy to forget that God’s way and the Culture’s way are different.

Are you Ready for Radical Change in your Marriage?

That was me – just a few years ago. Stuck, Hopeless and Miserable with no idea how to change the course of our Christian Marriage. I had read every book I could find, went to retreats, counseling… and still, our Marriage was failing.

What changed?

• We hit rock bottom.
• I got very real with God about my part in the Marriage.
• I found a Mentor I could trust.
• We worked through every issue in our marriage with an open Bible!

I found another way to do Marriage – a Radical Way – that changed our direction from divorce-bound to Hope and Joy filled.

You can have Hope and Joy in your Marriage too!

God has a way to do Marriage that brings Hope and Joy!!!!!!!!

In this 9 week Course, we will dig into the Bible and find a way to rebuild our Marriage to last a lifetime!

Learn More Here!

30 Days of Fighting for Unity in a Difficult Christian Marriage

1 – 3 Ways to Fight for Authentic Faith in my Husband

2 – How to Fight for Unity in All my Husbands’ Relationships