Can we all agree – that if our husband always acted spoke and reacted with wisdom life would be a lot less stressful? Maybe it’s just me. Honestly, there are times I just cringe when he tells me about his day or when he lets a gut reaction fly out of his mouth about something with the kids. I wish he had more wisdom or at least acted from that wisdom more often. A lack of wisdom makes for a Difficult Marriage…
Okay, so please bear with me today. I try to be very transparent about my mistakes in Marriage, hoping that it will help you avoid them, but this particular mistake is so embarrassing – and I still struggle with it.
When my husband makes a foolish decision, speaks in a foolish way or reacts in a way I think is not wise – I react. I speak my mind – openly with anyone else in the room – and it causes so many problems in my Christian Marriage.
My Mouth gets me in more trouble than anything else in our Marriage. Can you relate?
Truth: My Husband is not perfect. Is yours?
- The only perfect man to walk this earth was Jesus Christ. My husband is not Jesus nor will he ever measure up to that perfect life.
- My husband makes mistakes. He speaks rashly and reacts badly to things. There are decisions he makes that I would make differently…
Truth: I am not perfect. Whew that was hard to type.
- I make mistakes too.
- The difference in how I treat my husband and myself is that I know my thoughts and intentions and give myself way more grace because of that!
Why do I expect my husband to be perfect?
- I don’t have that answer, but I do often hold him to an unbelievably high a standard.
- I make mistakes too.
I can’t pray for my husband to be perfect. Also, I shouldn’t punish him for being imperfect. What I can pray for is Wisdom. God can and will grow more wisdom into my Husband and God will honor that kind of prayer.
But First I need to take care of my mouth and stop destroying the Unity in my marriage! How do I fix the problem with my Mouth?
I fight for Unity in my Marriage – with Respectful Thoughts about my husband and Wisdom.
Step 1. Take Every Single Thought Captive.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ
Step 2. Take every captive thought through the Philippians 4:8 Test (Click through the words to see more details)
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things (Philippians 4:8 NASB).
Step 3. Replace the thoughts that do not meet the Philippians 4:8 test with better thoughts. Take every captive thought through the Philippians 4:8 Test
This is how I use Philippians 4:8 to replace the bad thoughts about my Husband and Wisdom
What is True?
- He has makes many decisions that work out well.
- There are many decisions that he acts, speaks and reacts foolishly about and it hurts him and everyone around him.
- He has missed and lost many opportunities by acting unwisely.
- There has been tremendous growth in this over the last decade.
- I don’t praise him for the wise choices and decisions and words he uses enough.
What is honorable?
- This is always my reminder – He makes mistakes but he is not his mistakes.
- He sees wisdom and foolishness differently than I do and that makes our choices different
- Many times he realizes his mistake after the fact without a single word from me.
- I have seen him apologize for reacting badly – I should acknowledge how wise that is!
- He sees his struggle with this.
What is Just?
- It is okay that as a man, my husbands see wisdom and foolishness differently than I do.
- I have reacted foolishly to him many times.
- My mouth has should disrespect to him about this in front of others – even our children.
- Wisdom – like everything else in my Husbands’ life – is between him and God and I have to leave it there.
What is Pure? (notice that this one rarely changes – it is a mindset I reinforce constantly for my purity)
- I will not compare him to anyone else.
- When I feel he has been unwise – I will guard against friendships with other men who seem more mature than him.
- I will intentionally seek out other like-minded wives and stay in that community.
What is lovely?
- He does not need to meet my expectations with wisdom.
- Even when he acts, speaks or reacts without wisdom – I believe he has good intentions.
- I see him in God’s word growing in Wisdom – even if it looks different than I imagined.
- He is trying his best – not my best his best – and that matters.
What is of good repute?
- He admits when he makes some mistakes – I should not share them openly unless I trust the person for prayer alone.
- I need to treat him like I treat others in this area.
- This is hard for him and he is doing the best he can.
What is excellent?
- He makes some wise choices consistently.
- There are a few godly men he lets speak into his life.
- He asks me about some things before he acts.
- I know God is growing him – even if it is slower than I like.
What is worthy of Praise?
- God is able to grow my husband into a wise godly man.
- I see God stirring a desire to grow in wisdom and I will praise Him for that.
- The Holy Spirit is working in my husband – even when I can’t see or understand.
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment? We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
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Next, We fight for Unity in our Marriage – with our Husbands’ Wisdom – through Prayer.
Pray to Become a Wise Wife
Dear Heavenly Father, you say (James 1:5) “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” and so I come boldly before Your Throne of Grace begging you for wisdom about my Marriage and the difficult season we are in. It feels hopeless and is lacking in any joy. Please teach me to be a wise wife, speaking acting and reacting with wisdom and grace. Your word tells me that my words bring life or death. Help me only bring life and good to my husband all the days of my life like you say in Proverbs 31.
Pray that my Husband Will Seek Wisdom
Lord, please make my husband a man how seeks your wisdom as well. Proverbs 8:10 Mold him into a man that takes YOUR instruction and not silver, And seeks knowledge rather than gold. Help him see that wealth is not as important as integrity and righteousness and to seek both diligently. Teach him to prepare his minds for action by keeping sober in spirit, fixing his hope completely on the grace to be brought to us at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:13).
Truly, Lord, you are the only One who can make us wise. You say in Proverbs 21:1-2 that “The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.” I pray you will turn my husbands heart to wisdom. Weigh his heart and show him any area you want to change. Give him a soft teachable heart and open ears to recognize your voice and see your hand at work in him and not resist it.
Pray for Knowledge and Discernment
Jesus, we know that love is the highest goal. I pray that my husband will always act, speak and react in love as that is the wisest choice. I pray, that his love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that he may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ (Philippians 1:9-10). Give him a spirit of discernment so that he can rightly know the wisest most loving choice and word for the situations he encounters today.
You say in Deuteronomy 30: 19-20 that we chose life or death by obeying You. That choice causes blessing or cursing for our descendants. I pray my husband will choose to obey you in all wisdom and pass down a legacy of blessing to our children and their children.
Pray for Wise Friends and godly Mentors for my Husband
Lord, you say in Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Please help my husband choose to walk with wise men. Remove any relationships with foolish men that will lead him into trouble. Shut those doors and remove their influence over my husband’s life. Where he has been hurt with friendships I pray for healing and peace. Open his mind to the need for godly friends to sharpen and encourage him.
Teach my husband to “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days” (Proverbs 19:20) by opening his mind to mentoring and intentional discipleship. Show him the that that man who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered (Proverbs 28:26). We walk more wisely when godly people are speaking life into our lives. Place the right men into his path and create genuine trust and friendships that will help grow him into a wise man.
And Lord I know that You are able to work in so many other ways to grow Wisdom into my husband. You promise to Give wisdom freely and without and I don’t know or understand all the ways you do that. I pray that Your Will will be done in my husband’s life. Don’t allow me to hinder your work in any way. Shine your light on any habit I have that undermines this – my deepest desire for my Marriage – Unity, and Love. Forgive me and change me as you work in us both.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Finally, We fight for Unity in our Marriage – with Your Husbands’ Wisdom – with Words of Affirmation
The 3rd part of this Fight – as a Prayer Warrior Wife – is to develop the discipline of Respecting my husband by speaking Words of Affirmation. Words of Affirmation are a great way men hear Respect. This is an amazing way to create momentum for real Unity and Change in our Marriage – even in a Difficult Season.
You will have to work back through the Philippians 4:8 Test today to Speak Words that Affirm and Respect him about Wisdom. Pull out the good thoughts you are now working into your mind. Pick a few of them to say, text or write to your husband today.
Need help finding ideas to speak Words of Affirmation into your Husbands life?
Some examples of the Words of Affirmation I am going to try today are.
- I really admire the way you invest in the stock market.
- I am sorry I don’t praise you enough for the wise choices and decisions and words you use.
- (if you chose this have an example handy because he will ask)
- God was reminding me today how differently men and women see wisdom. I am sorry I’ve held you to my own standard of wisdom. We process and make our choices differently and that should be okay.
- You realize when you’ve made a mistake and try to make it right – that really turns me on!
- (Flirt with him – it goes a long way)
- I saw you apologize for reacting badly to M this morning – That means so much!
- I was very disrespectful to you this morning in front of our children. Can you forgive me?
- You have grown in Wisdom so much over the past decade.
- Be sure you have an example.
- My example today is that he is listening to his body and not overdoing things at work with how much heavy lifting he does. Huge Win for us!
- The other day I overheard you talking about your job situation with xyz and I was so proud of you for seeking godly counsel!
- It means the world to me when you ask for my opinion before making a decision.
- I noticed you have been reading from your daily verse app. That really makes me love you more and more – and think about other things… (Said in a sweet flirtatious way with batted lashes and all 😉
Those are just a few Words of Affirmation that would bless my husband and grow unity for our Marriage through as I fight for Wisdom for him.
I’d love to know some of your ideas! Comment below.
Who is this Marriage Course for?
- Are you a wife worried that your Christian Marriage is not going to survive?
- Do you feel hopeless, joyless or miserable in your Marriage?
- Are you a wife – unsure what your role is in your Christian Marriage?
- Do you struggle to connect as a couple anymore?
- Do you feel trapped?
- Have you tried everything and nothing has helped our Marriage?
- Are you thinking or talking about divorce?
Whatever season of Christian Marriage I find myself in, it seems easy to forget that God’s way and the Culture’s way are different.
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- I got very real with God about my part in the Marriage.
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