I don’t know about you, but I need help fighting for my marriage. I need wisdom. He needs wisdom. We all need wisdom to navigate this season. Did you know you can pray for wisdom in marriage? In fact, we can find Bible verses to turn into prayers for wisdom in every area!
Everyone Should Pray for Wisdom in Marriage
Can we all agree that if our husband always acted, spoke, and reacted with wisdom life would be a lot less stressful?
Maybe it’s just me.
Honestly, there are times I just cringe when he tells me about his day or when he lets a gut reaction fly out of his mouth about something. I wish he had more wisdom or at least acted from that wisdom more often. A lack of wisdom makes for a difficult marriage.
Okay, so please bear with me today. On this site, I try to be very transparent about my mistakes in marriage. I hope that my transparency will help you avoid harm. This particular mistake, however, is so embarrassing… and I still struggle with it. This is at the heart of why I pray for wisdom in marriage (for me and him)!
When my husband makes a foolish decision, speaks foolishly, or reacts in a way I think is not wise – I react… badly. I speak my mind… openly… with anyone else in the room… and it causes so many problems in my Christian marriage.
I am living proof that everyone needs to be praying for wisdom in marriage! This is not just on him. I need wisdom just as much (if not more) than my husband needs wisdom!
The Truth About Wisdom in Marriage
My mouth gets me in more trouble than anything else in our marriage. Can you relate?
- Truth: My husband is not perfect. Is yours?
- The only perfect man to walk this earth was Jesus Christ.
- My husband is not Jesus nor will he ever measure up to that perfect life.
- My husband makes mistakes.
- He speaks rashly and reacts badly to things.
- There are decisions he makes that I would make differently…
- The only perfect man to walk this earth was Jesus Christ.
- Truth: I am not perfect. Whew that was hard to type.
- I make mistakes too.
- The difference in how I treat my husband and myself is that I know my thoughts and intentions and give myself way more grace because of that!
- Why do I expect my husband to be perfect?
- I don’t have that answer, but I often hold him to an unbelievably high standard.
- I make mistakes too.
I can’t pray for my husband to be perfect (though my unrealistic expectations are at the heart of most of our struggles).
Also, I shouldn’t punish him for being imperfect. What I can pray for is wisdom. God can and will grow more wisdom into my husband and God will honor that kind of prayer.
But first I need to take care of my unwise mouth and stop destroying the unity in my marriage! How do I fix the problem with my mouth?
Related Post: 40 Encouraging Bible Verses About Choices and Making Wise Decisions
How To Pray for Wisdom in Marriage
Okay, so everyone should be praying for wisdom in marriage. Everyone! To work through how to practically see real change in the area of wisdom in your marriage I need to lay this out with 3 BIG steps.
The three big steps to pray for wisdom are so big I need to make them their own points… don’t let that confuse you!
- Pray over your thoughts.
- Pray for wisdom for you and your spouse.
- Speak better words
They are very big steps. So we will look at how to pray wisdom Bible verses, 21 verses actually, but we will also see practical steps to make lasting change! Ready?
Step 1: Pray Over My Thoughts (How To Pray for Wisdom in Marriage)
How do you ask God for wisdom? Can you ask God for wisdom in marriage?
Often when I am offering up prayers to God for strength, He reminds me that the battle for my marriage begins in my mind.
I must fight for unity in my marriage which begins with respectful thoughts about my husband. Not where you thought we would begin? Your thoughts matter!
If my thoughts are not respectful, my mouth will continue to get me in trouble. I can and do pray for wisdom and discernment, but those things begin in my thoughts!
Getting ahold of my thoughts is an ongoing struggle. Anybody else? We’ve talked about this struggle before, but it bears repeating.
How to Fix My Thoughts:
- Take all thoughts captive.
- Take all thoughts through a test.
- Replace ungodly thoughts.
1. Take Every Single Thought Captive
What is the powerful prayer for wisdom? I love to pray 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.
“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NASB)
Every thought matters when fighting for a difficult marriage or a broken marriage. When we need the Lord to hear and answer, we must get our minds right.
A Prayer for Wisdom and Discernment to Take Thoughts Captive
Holy Spirit,
You warned us that we do not fight battles “according to the flesh,” but that we are in the midst of a Spiritual battle.
Thank you that “the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but (are) divinely powerful.” One such weapon is prayer so I come before You to do battle today for my mind.
Destroy the fortresses the enemy is building. Remove any footholds or strongholds he has in my mind around my husband. You said we can “destroy arguments” that do not fit what You teach.
You said we can “take every thought captive.” I stand in that authority today. Show me where any thoughts are not “obedient to Christ.” Amen
(Pst. This is one of my favorite short prayers to the Holy Spirit!)
2. Take Every Captive Thought Through the Philippians 4:8 Test
What is the verse for praying for wisdom? Philippians 4:8 fits the bill!
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things (Philippians 4:8 NASB).
So now that we have our thoughts captive, what can we do? Test the thoughts. If they do not line up with Philippians 4:8 they need more attention.
A Prayer For Wisdom and Guidance With Captive Thoughts
Jesus,
Now that I have slowed down enough to see what kind of thoughts are in my mind, help me go further. I need wisdom and guidance to understand which thoughts are not in line with Your Word, and Your Will.
Reveal if a thought is true or based on feelings. If a thought is not honorable or just, how me? Where there is impurity make that clear. Help me see where I am hyper-critical rather than focused on the lovely. Reveal gossipy thoughts and anything that is less than excellent. Highlight areas where I do not praise You or my thoughts lead me away from praise.
Amen
3. Replace The Ungodly Thoughts
If the thought is negative or destructive we have to replace it with godly thoughts. In fact, we must be sure all our thoughts line up with godly thoughts.
We have studied Philippians 4:8 in depth. To review click through any of the underlined words in the passage above and practice what we discussed.
Example of How To Use Philippians 4:8
I use Philippians 4:8 to replace the bad thoughts about my husband and wisdom. To do this, once the thoughts are held captive, I ask them some questions.
What is True?
- He has made many decisions that work out well.
- There are also times when he acts, speaks, and reacts foolishly. Those times hurt him and everyone around him.
- He has missed and lost many opportunities by acting unwisely.
- There has been tremendous growth here over the last decade.
- I don’t praise him enough for his wise choices, decisions, and words.
What is Honorable?
- This is always my reminder – he makes mistakes but he is not his mistakes.
- He sees wisdom and foolishness differently than I do and that makes our choices different.
- Many times he realizes his mistake after the fact without a single word from me.
- I have seen him apologize for reacting badly – I should acknowledge how wise that is!
- He sees his struggle with this.
What is Just?
- It is okay that as a man, my husbands see wisdom and foolishness differently than I do.
- I have reacted foolishly to him many times.
- My mouth should respect him about this in front of others – especially our children.
- Wisdom – like everything else in my husband’s life – is between him and God and I have to leave it there.
What is Pure? (notice that this one rarely changes – it is a mindset I reinforce constantly for my purity)
- I will not compare him to anyone else.
- When I feel he has been unwise – I will guard against friendships with other men who seem more mature than him.
- I will intentionally seek out other like-minded wives and stay in that community.
What is Lovely?
- He does not need to meet my expectations with wisdom.
- Even when he acts, speaks, or reacts without wisdom – I believe he has good intentions.
- I see him in God’s Word growing in wisdom – even if it looks different than I imagined.
- He is trying his best – not my best but his best – and that matters.
What is of Good Repute?
- He admits when he makes some mistakes – I should not share them openly unless I trust the person for prayer alone.
- I need to treat him like I treat others in this area.
- This is hard for him and he is doing the best he can.
What is Excellent?
- He makes some wise choices consistently.
- There are a few godly men he lets speak into his life.
- He asks me about some things before he acts.
- I know God is growing him – even if it is slower than I like.
- He makes some wise choices consistently.
What is Worthy of Praise?
- God is able to grow my husband into a wise, godly man.
- I see God stirring a desire to grow in wisdom and I will praise Him for that.
- The Holy Spirit is working in my husband – even when I can’t see or understand.
Prayer For Wisdom and Strength
“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB)
Father God,
Now that I see how to shift my thoughts to line up with Philippians 4:8, please give me the strength to follow through. I feel hurt… cheated… entitled… justified… in my disrespectful thoughts. I need Your strength to shift the mental narrative.
You see that I am weak. In my weakness, please let the power of Christ’s grace be sufficient to bring change that lasts. Amen
Step 2: Prayers For Wisdom in My Spouse and His Wife
I am learning how to fight for unity in our marriage. Are you?
With our minds fixed, thinking godly, respectful thoughts that will not lead us into hopelessness or desperation we turn our attention outward.
We must be praying for wisdom in our lives and praying for our husbands to become wise. We must pray for wisdom verse by verse, seeking out all the Bible verses on understanding and wisdom to cover our marriage!
Pray to Become a Wise Wife
Dear Heavenly Father,
You say in James 1:5 “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” and so I come boldly before Your Throne of Grace begging you for wisdom about my marriage and the difficult season we are in. I specifically pray for wisdom and knowledge!
It feels hopeless and is lacking in any joy. Please teach me to be a wise wife, speaking acting, and reacting with wisdom and grace.
Your Word tells me that my words bring life or death. Help me only bring life and good to my husband all the days of my life as you say in Proverbs 31.
Amen
Pray That My Husband Will Seek Wisdom
Lord,
Please make my husband a man who seeks your wisdom as well. I pray Proverbs 8:10 that You mold him into a man that takes YOUR instruction and not silver and seeks knowledge rather than gold. Help him see that wealth is not as important as integrity and righteousness and to seek both diligently.
Teach him to prepare his mind for action by keeping sober in spirit, fixing his hope completely on the grace to be brought to us at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:13).
Truly, Lord, you are the only One who can make us wise. You say in Proverbs 21:1-2 that “The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.”
I pray you will turn my husband’s heart to wisdom. Weigh his heart and show him any area You want to change. Give him a soft teachable heart and open ears to recognize Your voice and see Your hand at work in him and not resist it.
Pray for Knowledge and Discernment
Jesus,
We know that love is the highest goal. I pray that my husband will always act, speak, and react in love as that is the wisest choice. I pray, that his love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that he may approve the excellent things, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ (Philippians 1:9-10).
Give him a spirit of discernment so that he can rightly know the wisest, most loving choice and word for the situations he encounters today.
You say in Deuteronomy 30: 19-20 that we choose life or death by obeying You. That choice causes blessing or cursing for our descendants. I pray my husband will choose to obey you in all wisdom and pass down a legacy of blessing to our children and their children.
Amen
Pray for Wise Friends and Godly Mentors for My Husband
Lord,
You say in Proverbs 13:20, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Please help my husband choose to walk with wise men. Remove any relationships with foolish men that will lead him into trouble. Shut those doors and remove their influence over my husband’s life. Where he has been hurt with friendships I pray for healing and peace. Open his mind to the need for godly friends to sharpen and encourage him.
Teach my husband to “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that he may be wise the rest of his days” (Proverbs 19:20) by opening his mind to mentoring and intentional discipleship.
Show him that the man who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered (Proverbs 28:26). We walk more wisely when godly people are speaking life into our lives. Place the right men into his path and create genuine trust and friendships that will help grow him into a wise man.
Amen
Prayer for Wisdom and Understanding
Lord,
I know that You are able to work in so many ways to grow wisdom into my husband. You promise to give wisdom freely and without reproach. I don’t know or understand all the ways (Isaiah 55:8-9) you do that but I pray that Your Will will be done in my husband’s life.
Don’t allow me to hinder your work in any way. Shine your light on any habit I have that undermines this – my deepest desire for my marriage – for unity, and love. Forgive me and change me as you work in us both.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Prayer for Knowledge and Wisdom
Father God,
You said that “the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” I stand asking for knowledge and wisdom to walk in this marriage in a way that brings honor and glory to You alone.
We are in a difficult season and I am sinking. Hold tightly to me so I don’t drown. Amen
Step 3: Fight For Wisdom in Marriage With The Right Words
Finally, we fight for unity in our marriage – with your husbands’ wisdom – with words of affirmation.
The third part of this fight – as a prayer warrior wife – is to develop the discipline of respecting my husband by speaking words of affirmation. Words of affirmation are a great way for men to hear respect. You read that correctly. Men need to hear us respecting them!
This is an amazing way to create momentum for real unity and change in our marriage, even in a difficult season.
Need help to find ideas to speak words of affirmation into your husband’s life? I have a printable with 52 notes to get you started.
Check out these Printable Words of Affirmation Cards in the HopeJoyInChrist Shop,
Want more personalized words of affirmation for your husband?
Simply work back through the Philippians 4:8 test you used today. Pull out the good thoughts you are now working into your mind. Pick a few of them to say, text, or write to your husband today to begin speaking specific words that affirm and respect him about wisdom.
Some Examples of Words of Affirmation I Will Try Today:
- I really admire the way you invest in the stock market.
- I am sorry I don’t praise you enough for the wise choices, decisions, and words you use.
- (if you chose this have an example handy because he will ask)
- God was reminding me today how differently men and women see wisdom. I am sorry I’ve held you to my standard of wisdom. We process and make our choices differently and that should be okay.
- You realize when you’ve made a mistake and try to make it right – that really turns me on!
- I saw you apologize for reacting badly to M this morning – that means so much!
More Examples I Will Text This Week
- I was very disrespectful to you this morning in front of our children. Can you forgive me?
- You have grown in wisdom so much over the past decade.
- Be sure you have an example.
- My example today is that he is listening to his body and not overdoing things at work with how much heavy lifting he does. Huge win for us!
- Be sure you have an example.
- The other day I overheard you talking about your job situation with xyz and I was so proud of you for seeking godly counsel!
- It means the world to me when you ask for my opinion before making a decision.
- I noticed you have been reading from your daily verse app. That really makes me love you more and more – and think about other things… (said in a sweet flirtatious way with batted lashes and all 😉
Those are just a few Words of Affirmation that would bless my husband and grow unity in our marriage as I fight for wisdom for him.
I’d love to know some of your ideas! Comment below.
in HIM,
Tiffany of Hope Joy in Christ inspires Christian Women to grow in faith, live out Biblical Marriage Principles and raise Godly Children. Join the Wives Only Facebook Group here or keep up with her through Pinterest.
PS… This is a small part of the Wives Only Marriage Course – Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage
