What are some of the things you wish your husband did for you -without being told to do them? It may sound silly, but I wish he would drop me off under the awning at church when it rains, open doors for me, walk on the street side of the sidewalk to protect me. Chivalry… that’s what I longed for for years in our biblical marriage. Can you relate?
“Chivalry is dead” I’ve heard more times than I can count. Dead? Gone forever? I refused to believe that lie!
If it is a dead art among men, what Killed Chivalry? And how do we get it back… without the bits we didn’t like 100 years ago?
In all my digging and research I came across an article from the 1960’s that I believe answers part of the question.
“feminists’ desires by the late twentieth century is to free women from male domination in a patriarchal society by removing themselves as much as possible from control by men in all areas of their personal and public lives.”
I can’t completely fault these women as they bravely pioneered for equality and justice where male dominance had run to abuse. And It seems they got just what they wanted.
We as women are free from male domination.
Our society is far from patriarchal rule. In fact, there are few men in the homes today at all.
There are very real consequences to that outcome. It seems men are afraid to offend us in this day and age, afraid to step on our independence. And with that came the death of chivalry.
We have a crazy choice ladies, we either want independence from men or we want chivalrous men, it seems we can’t have it both ways.
Most men want to show their wives love in a chivalrous way, to protect and cherish us. But if we truly want our men to stand up and lead and love in our home, we will have to give them permission.
To Awaken Chivalry, Men need us to show our need for their help with masculine things.
Men need us to be feminine/gentle. We talked about Gentleness yesterday
I see women of the past, spanning back several centuries, as strong women. They understood something about gentleness that we have lost today.
Gentleness as we discussed yesterday is shown when someone restrains their strength – the same way Jesus showed in his life on Earth.
Let’s pull an example from Jesus Life in Matthew 4:1-11.
In this passage we see Jesus led into the Wilderness. Jesus didn’t have to go. Honestly, Jesus didn’t have to do anything He didn’t want to do.
We see that Jesus was tempted to unleash His power.
- Jesus could have argued with the devil
- Fought with him
- Ended everything right then and there
- Jesus had access to all power.
- He had the right to do as He wanted.
Instead of standing on His rights, His title, His needs, His wants -Jesus quoted scripture. Jesus obeyed God’s will.
Jesus loved us enough to be gentle, which changed everything.
When we as Wives display that Gentleness we will begin to awaken Chivalry in our Husbands.
How do we practice Gentleness in a Christian Marriage?
There is a technique I learned called “Playful Words”. I have to be completely honest and tell you it requires practice for me to be playful.
Think of it as a little girl – all bouncy curls, and sassy hips, putting on a show to get her daddy to buy her a new toy.
It sounded completely insane to me, childish even, but Y’all it works!
When I get mad about something (and I get mad about the same situations over and over again- so I get lots of practice!) I make a mental shift from angry words to playful words.
Like when I walk into the bedroom and find dirty clothes inches from the basket – on the floor. Instead of launching into a Nag fest – laying him bare for being so thoughtless:
- I flip my hair over my shoulder (just to get his attention)
- Give him a saucy little grin
- And say something like “your servant for life – but I’ll take payment tonight.”
- Maybe in a Renascence type accent to make it cute and funny
- I add a wink
- Then walk away
He is usually laughing (a better response than anger) and apologizing for missing the basket.
Even on days when he doesn’t apologize though, I have made my point, built him up (maybe even lit a spark for later ) and leave the room in a better mood than if I had let my anger flare.
This is just 1 way to awaken that Chivalry in our Husbands. It is one of many things God has taught me in this journey to save our marriage. He really had brought us from divorce bound to Hope filled in the past decade.
Today’s article is a Guest Post at Robbi Bittle spot TimelessMoma. Robbi is a Christ following, wife and stay at home moma to three young children. At her spot on the web she shares about faith, motherhood, homemaking, natural living & a dash of vintage elegance!
Today’s article is an excerpt from the Marriage Course Finding Hope and Joy in My Marriage. This self-paced course is for Wives Only -teaching us to live in our Marriage from a Biblical Worldview.
In this 9 Week study on Biblical Wifehood we will talk about:
- Desires Vs. Preferences
- My Mouth
- Appreciation & Admiration
- The Leader
- Understanding Men
- My Priorities
If you enjoyed this, you will love these:
- How To Forgive Others: 5 Characteristics of Spiritual Maturity You Need
- 8 Keys to a Strong Marriage (Especially after Kids)
- How to Overcome Envy: Learn to Be Still
*****chivalry towards a woman -1000
How do you show a girl chivalry? What is chivalry in a relationship? What are some acts of chivalry? What is the feminine version of chivalry? What is Chivalry toward a woman?
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