This has been a rough year for me (Tatiana from The Musings of Mum), my family and my Christian Marriage.
I won’t go into any of the details, other than to share, I spent months asking myself “how did we get here?”. Where has the Joy gone in our Christian Marriage? Can you relate?
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The What’s Yours is Yours, What’s Mine is Mine Trap.
Allow me to give you a little bit of a background. We got married at 18, and our first child was born 2 months later. Neither one of us had a clue of what we were doing right from the start. We had serious financial struggles for at least the first 15 years of our marriage, and when our financial woes were finally under control, we began to separate burdens that were shared in the past. Burdens like running our home, our parenting, our children’s education, and yes, our finances.
Since we were homeschooling, I became solely responsible for our kids’ education, including anything that had to do with my son’s college education, paperwork, scholarship applications, financial aid, financial responsibility. I took on anything home related as well, while I left discipline and the rest of the financial burdens for my husband.
Everything looked peachy at first, but can you guess what happened a few years down the line?
The perfect arrangement came crumbling down when new responsibilities and a big change in our lifestyle came about. Suddenly, our compartmentalized way of dealing with things was no longer effective, especially when our oldest children grew into adulthood, and claimed their independence.
In a matter of weeks, we were hit with what seemed like fiery arrows from every direction.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.
The above call to bear each other’s burdens is extremely clear. Galatians chapter 6 goes on to say:
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
Galatians 6:7-10 (NIV)
When I took the time to look back, I realized it was evident we had reaped what we sowed.
My husband and I had not been sharing each other’s burdens.
In fact, we had done a great job of reminding one another how the other had fallen, without taking the time to pick one other back up.
in a biblical marriage, two become one. There is no such thing as what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine. The Bible clearly states that two are better than one.
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)
When we begin to separate possessions, responsibilities, and finances, we go against what we’ve been called to. When we begin to point out each other’s faults, we are no different than those who separate themselves from the Lord.
God will sustain you.
Trials, valleys, and storms can shake your faith. They can shake your marriage….
Cast your cares on Him, as a married couple. As a wife, as a husband. And only then, will your perspective change.
How can we Bear Each Other’s Burdens and Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage?
Acknowledge they exist
- Talk about them together often.
Share the load
- The responsibility can mount up quickly and bitterness/resentment can set in. Be honest when it gets to be too much.
Pray about the hard things in your situation
- We cast our cares on Him through prayer
- If possible pray together but if not, pray anyway!
Sounds simple, yet it’s not easy to do. It requires us to be intentional about doing Marriage God’s Way!
In case you’re wondering, we’re still in the midst of the great storm of 2018. We can see clear skies on the horizon, and we are optimistic. We covet your prayers.
Is Joy missing in your life? Need a guide to help get it back? I’d love to give you this Free 30 Day Reading Guide to help.
If this spoke to you, you would love The Book Love and Respect
- This revolutionary message based on Ephesians cracks the communication code between husband and wife: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her.
Tatiana ia a follower of Jesus, wife, and mum to one boy and five girls. Her mission is to inspire, encourage and equip mothers to raise children who long to walk with Jesus. She is a compulsive organizer, lover of books and coffee, aspiring apologist, and is an avid supporter of school choice. Connect with her on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook @themusingsofmum.