Today I want to answer a question I am asked over and over again. “Can you help me learn how to be a Christian wife?” Personally, I prefer to rephrase it as I answer. “No. No one can be a perfect Christian wife, Sweet Sister. Instead, let me talk to you about how to be a Biblical wife.I've lived hard trying to learn how to be a Biblical wife to an alcoholic… to an unbelieving husband. When I focused on acting just like the other Christians around me I just failed. Instead, now I act like the godly wives in… Click To Tweet
Why I Don’t Talk About How To Be A Christian Wife
It’s funny, the question comes in all kinds of forms and variations. Sometimes it is straightforward, other times it is a backhanded accusation – either way, I love to interact with you.
- How do I be a good Christian Wife?
- What is a Biblical Wife?
- How can you be a godly wife?
- My husband says I am not a good Christian wife.
- What does the Bible say about being a wife?
- How should a Christian wife treat her husband?
- How do I prepare to be a godly wife?
- What makes a good Christian wife?
- What makes a good biblical wife?
- How do you prepare to be a Biblical wife?
- What are wifely duties in the Bible?
You get the idea I’m sure.
No matter how the question comes, however, the answer is the same. Learning how to be a Christian wife is impossible. There are just too many ways to define the word, Christian.
Rather than argue over words, I prefer to go to the heart of the issue. What does the Bible say about being a wife? Learning how to be a Biblical wife is much simpler to approach!
We, each and every human being walking planet earth, live out of our worldview. It dictates our beliefs, actions, and words. It is shaped by our past, our culture, our hurts, and victories, our hopes and dreams…
In Church circles, we often describe things as coming from one of two worldviews.
- Cultural Worldview
- Where the culture around us dictates how we think, believe, and act.
- Biblical Worldview
- Where the Bible dictates how we think, believe, and act.
Related Post: Qualities of a Good Wife in the Bible
In A Perfect World
In a perfect world, you could easily say who lives from which worldview.
The Christians – those people who have surrendered their lives to Jesus Christ and proclaim Him Lord of their lives – should live out a Biblical Worldview.
Those then, who have not made that decision live out of a Cultural Worldview.
Do you live in a perfect world?
I sure don’t. So I’m going to split hairs for a moment as we think about how to be a better Christian wife.
Years ago I made a shift in how I view myself to make it simpler to live for Jesus. I choose to see myself as a Disciple of Christ rather than a Christian. Sound extreme?
People ask me (all the time) why I split hairs about the title. For me, it is a mental shift. The name helps me be clear about how I think about my faith. My faith is a relationship with Jesus – not a religion.
To clarify, I’ve lived hard trying to learn how to be a Christian wife to an alcoholic and how to be a Christian wife to an unbelieving husband.
When I focused on acting just like the other Christians around me I just failed. Instead, when I focused on acting like the godly wives in the Bible things changed!
You see, in my early childhood, I asked Jesus to save me, to love me, and keep me from an eternity in Hell. The years that followed were spent playing a church game; shy quiet church girl on Sunday then crazy party girl the rest of the week.
That’s how all the other Christians around me lived… Learning how to be a good Christian mother and wife while following their example was confusing.
Now the Bible is clear about how a person is saved.
“that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.” (Romans 10: 9-10 NASB)
Saved But Not Surrendered?
When I prayed at age 6 I believe I was 100% saved. But I didn’t really start following hard after Jesus until I was 23.
I was a Christian in name only. I was not living from a Biblical Worldview. My life looked exactly like the culture around me just like all the other Christians I knew. Can you relate?
I know firsthand how a person can be a Christian but not live a Biblical Worldview. No judgment.
And all of that is just how we live our own individual lives. When you bring marriage into the equation it gets even more complicated!
Surrender Changes Your WorldView
For years I dug into the Bible to find out how my life should look. Thankfully, God worked miraculous things into that journey.
But honestly, I had not been applying them inside of my marriage. So crazy right!?!?!?! Somehow I had learned to treat everyone well except my husband. Been there?
Surrender in Marriage
Then, after years in this miserable marriage God brought us to a low I never imagined. It wasn’t until that rock bottom season of life that I began digging into the Bible to see how God says a wife should live.
Seriously, search out, “How to be a wife in the Bible”. There is so much
It is surprising to see that most of how we should behave in marriage is really how we should treat everyone in our lives. All that time I had been focused on:
- How to be an obedient Christian wife
- How to be a submissive Christian wife
- Living the Christian wife life so it was Social Media worthy
All the while, God just wanted me to surrender this to Him and love better.
Our husband is just another person on this earth we are called to love like Jesus.
Related Post: When Cultural Marriage Advice Fails God Has the Way
How to be a Christain Wife: How to be a Biblical Wife
So, how can you be a wife living in a Biblical worldview? How do we move past searching out the 10 duties of a Christian wife and focus just on what the Bible says?
I’ve had the privilege of walking thousands of wives through this process and can say with 100% certainty that it is simple. What does the Bible say about being a wife? Becoming a Biblical wife begins with a heart check.
- Salvation as a relationship, not a religion.
- Full surrender to God.
- Pursuing God’s will and plan through the Bible.
- Shun perfectionism
Are you saved?
We are all sinners. Has there been a time in your life when you have come face to face with the severity of your sin in light of a holy God?
Have you confessed with your mouth that Jesus was Lord? Prayed through Romans 10?
If the answer to this is no – please email me. Let’s chat about how much God loves you and longs for you to be in His family.
Related Post: 10 Compelling Reasons To Share the Gospel Today
Have You Surrendered Your Life to God?
We want to start by learning the 14 Characteristics of a godly woman. We fixate on things like the 10 qualities of a godly woman. But what we really need is surrender.
Surrender is about setting aside your own agenda and understanding. It is about saying yes to God no matter what He asks.
Surrender is the piece of salvation most people skip or ignore initially.
Let me ask it a different way. When you prayed to be saved, did you decide to let God rule your life, or were you asking for fire insurance?
No one wants to go to Hell. There is nothing wrong with fire insurance… except that you miss out on the abundant life God promises to those who follow hard after Christ.
So my question stands. Have you surrendered your life to God? Given Him complete control of every are of your life?
Are You in the Bible Pursuing God’s Plan for Your Life?
Do you read the Bible?
- Not a devotional
- When someone else tells you what the Bible says and that’s all you read you miss something beautiful between you and God.
- Not just the verse of the day
- That is not enough food for your soul in the same way an apple a day would lead to starvation.
- Not just when the preacher reads it at church.
- That is not enough either.
I mean you, a Bible, and God talking over the hard things of life…
How can I be a godly wife to my husband?
You want to be a good Christian wife, a Proverbs 31 wife, a godly wife living from a Biblical worldview. The Bible is filled with instructions. God, your loving Father, longs to talk to you and direct you in your journey!
Learning How To be a Christian Wife, How to be a Biblical wife is NOT About Perfection!
You may read lots of how to be a Christian wife books or even take Christian wife BIble studies. They will give you a lot of advice. Some may help for sure, but fight the urge toward perfectionism.
One thing I love about God is that He NEVER demands perfection!
Perfection is a thing people require. God just asks us to stay in the process!
Are you in the process with God?
Have you been taking your wifehood to Him and letting Him mold you daily? That is how we begin being a wife after God’s own heart! That is how to be a great Christian wife! You are doing great! Keep it up!
How To Be A Christian Wife is More About How to be a Biblical Wife
When I began this journey I wanted to focus entirely on changing my husband. I must have searched, “How to be a good Christian husband” in the hops of praying that into Him a hundred times. Can you relate?
Throughout all these years, anytime I start to focus on Him, God zeros in on me. He changes me. He reminds me to stay in the process.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned. You, Sweet Wife, ARE learning how to be a Christian wife; how to be a godly wife, a wife with a Bible Worldview. No matter how you ask – that’s it.
If you are saved, surrendered to God, and pursuing God’s plan for your life in the Bible, you are there.
No, you won’t ever be perfect… I think that’s what people mean when they ask… remind them that Jesus was perfect but you are not HIm and keep in the process!
Do You Need To Go Deeper?
This is part of the 9-week Marriage Bible Study –Finding Hope & Joy in Marriage. Through this course, we will explore the 9 Biblical foundations of having a successful marriage God’s way. Think of it as a how to be a better wife Bible study!
This class will include:
- 10 video lessons
- You can watch live or when you have time
- 9 weeks of personal study
- 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
- A private Facebook Group to discuss the homework and talk through the weekly challenges
- 45 Days of Prayer prompts
in HIS love,
If you enjoyed this, you will love these posts:
- 14 Characteristics of a Godly Wife That Will Save Your Marriage
- How To Be a Biblical Wife To an Ungodly Husband
- Sex In a Christian Marriage: The Uncomfortable Truth