Wouldn’t you agree that living as a helpmeet for him ranks somewhere up there with loving submission for most modern wives? Now when you add the idea of being his help meet with joy I feel even more put off. But if you are here, you are also asking what the Bible says about marriage and this word is in there. Thankfully Christia from Faith-filled Parenting is going to share 4 ways to find joy as a helpmeet for him.
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Find Joy as a Helpmeet for Him: 4 Ultimate Ways
Have you ever thought it was possible to find joy as a helpmeet for him – to your husband? ~Let me tell you my story.
Twelve years ago…
I (Christia) was a newlywed.
I was living in a city where I knew no one.
My husband was away working all day and most weekends.
To say I was lonely is an understatement.
To top it all off, I was a brand new Christian.
So here I am alone, friendless, and not entirely sure how to be a Christian much less a Christian wife.
As I look back on the early years of my marriage, I sometimes cringe. I was anything but a godly wife.
In fact, I was the foolish women tearing my own house down with my own hands like in Proverbs 14:1.
I was lucky that my husband stayed and did not take Proverbs 21:9 literally.
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”
I tell you this because I know what it’s like to not be the wife God created me to be in this marriage.
And I can also tell you how I turned this all around.
Ready to learn more?Spoiler: When you start to view sex as one of your roles as a helpmeet for him, it becomes easier to find time to make it a priority. Click To Tweet
What is a Helpmeet for him?
The most popular Helpmeet bible verse is from Genesis 2:18
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.
The only thing in creation that God said was not good was for Adam to be alone.
As a sociable creature, God created Eve to be Adam’s companion – a helpmeet for him.
With Eve, Adam would be complete.
God created Eve to complement Adam. Women are different than men.
No matter how much society tries to say that we are the same, I stand by the Word of God that God created man and woman differently.
I love this quote from Women in the Scriptures:
Help Meet Defined: “True power comes when men and women understand that they have been blessed with different gifts, abilities and stewardship and truly work together as equal partners to help each other be successful. Men and women need each other and it is only when they are united, body soul and mind, that God’s work moves forth. We are nothing without each other and nothing without Christ.”
Help meet Hebrew Definition: What does ezer kenegdo mean?
We don’t have time to fully answer the question ‘what does ezer kenegdo mean, the help meet Hebrew definition but I will share a quick synopsis.
Ezer – Help – surround, aid, protect
Kenegdo – Meet – counterpart to
How to be a helpmate to your husband
What is your role as a Helpmeet? Honestly, now that we loosely understand what a help mate is, can we apply it?
How to be a helpmate to your husband in 4 steps or less??? That would be great right?
The role of a helpmeet will look different in every marriage, but the goals will be the same.
Every marriage and human being are unique so of course, there is not a one size fit all answer.
As you continue to read, you will see how to apply these particular roles into your specific marriage. Hopefully, you will avoid the frustration that comes when you don’t understand the value of a helpmeet.
#1 Fulfilling Sexual Needs as a Helpmeet for him
With a rough history, it has taken a long time to see God’s picture of sex in marriage.
I was raised in the mentality that sex was wrong and bad, and it never left my mind.
As I have been married longer, I have come to learn the value of sex in a marriage.
In a marital relationship, the spouse is the only one that can meet sexual needs. Therefore, it should be of our utmost importance as a helpmeet for him.
This means that we make time for it, find ways to enjoy it and we engage in the activity often.
I know what it feels like to be so tired and so over anyone touching me. As a mom of 5 children, I get it!
But I also get the fact that my husband needs me in this way!
When you start to view sex as one of your roles as a helpmeet for him, it becomes easier to find time to make it a priority.In a marital relationship, the spouse is the only one that can meet sexual needs. Therefore, it should be of our utmost importance as a helpmeet for him. Click To Tweet
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Respect is the only love language I think men have.
Honestly, my husband says that men have two needs: sex and respect.
Men need to be respected at home.
There are times we as women feel more qualified to make a certain decision, but we should never step over our husbands and take the lead. In less of course, our husband’s ask us to do so.
This is super tough!!!
My best tip for showing your husband respect is to always ask for his opinion.
Examples: It is wise to ask for an opinion before:
- Committing to a big purchase.
- Making big decisions.
- Resolving issues that arise with your children.
All of this makes your husband feel respected and included.
While there are many times that my husband simply agrees with me, it is still important to our marriage that I ask his opinion.
Then, it is even more important that I listen to him.
As the man of the household, the husband is the leader.
In biblical order, it goes God, husband, wife, and children. Many marriages could be filled with joy and saved if they kept this biblical order.
It is not my job to coerce my husband into making a certain decision, that is God’s job. My job is to respect my husband by including him in decisions and listening to his answers.Honestly, my husband says that men have two needs: sex and respect. Click To Tweet
#3: Being His Biggest Cheerleader as a helpmeet for him
A godly wife should ALWAYS be your husband’s biggest fan. He should know without a doubt that you are behind him 110%.
Early on in my marriage when I was so lonely, I would complain about my husband’s work schedule. Over time, I realized that this was tearing him down. I certainly was not respecting or cheering him on.
Your husbands need your encouragement.
Instead of complaining, I now find things that make his workday better.
- Pray with him each morning before he leaves the house.
- Keep a joyful spirit so he will look forward to returning to me.
- Send him little texts throughout the day
- That I am thinking of him
- And I am so thankful he provides for our family
These simple things go a long way with letting our men know we are their #1 fan!A godly wife should ALWAYS be your husband's biggest fan as a helpmeet for him. He should know without a doubt that you are behind him 110%. Click To Tweet
Having a servant’s heart as a helpmeet for him will look different for every family.
As a SAHM I take care of pretty much everything that goes on within the walls of our home, including cooking, shopping, and cleaning. Also, I homeschool the kids and obviously, take care of them.
This is sort of my domain. My husband has given me these responsibilities knowing that they will be completed and done.
Now, this does not mean that every once in a while things are a little out of control or we have to eat out every once in a while. That happens and it’s okay!
But I take my role in the home seriously. It is my God-given job to take care of my home and family.
I view it as a job. I serve my husband and my children in that order.
My kids know that daddy comes first. I teach the kids how to serve their father as well.
Jesus was the ultimate servant. If our goal as Disciples is to grow more and more like Jesus every day, then we have to serve our husbands as a helpmeet for him.
When I keep the mind of Christ and his role as a servant, it is easier to complete the cooking and cleaning and laundry because I know I am serving my husband.Jesus was the ultimate servant. If our goal as Disciples is to grow more and more like Jesus every day, then we have to serve our husbands as a helpmeet for him. Click To Tweet
As a Helpmeet for Him: What I Wish I Knew Then
As a young newlywed, I wish I would have:
- Realized the importance of my husband’s sexual needs.
- Understood the value in showing respect.
- Been my husband’s big cheerleader.
- I wish I would have served him more.
I did none of these things as a helpmeet for him early on in my marriage. But after a few years, God changed my heart. I studied His word, read Christian marriage books, listened to podcasts, and surrounded myself with godly women who had a heart for God.
Over time, I started to do these things without even thinking.
You too can change and you can start today.
It is never too late to be the helpmeet your husband deserves.
Christia is a homeschooling mom to five children. She is the proud mommy of 4 boys and 1 girl! Her house is loud, fun, filled with laughter, and of course, super sticky floors!
Yet, this was not always the plan! After receiving her degree in Biochemistry from the University of Tennessee, she planned on going to dental school. God had other plans, and Christia has never looked back.
Christia is married to 12-year NFL veteran player Dustin Colquitt. They make it their life mission to inspire and help others from all walks of life.
Christia wants to share her triumphs and struggles in parenting, marriage, and how to make it all work on her blog Faith Filled Parenting.
Her hope is to encourage you to live with intention, while growing a more intimate relationship with Jesus. While neither Dustin or Christia claims to do this perfectly, they pray to grow together with you on this journey of life.
Faith Filled Parenting is all about setting goals, having dreams, and seeing it all happen by planning with intention. The parent’s role in a child’s life is so important that we need to know where we are going! We are not just going to get there. We have to be intentional.
If you enjoyed this, you should check out these posts:
- Stop Destroying your Marriage
- The Magic of Playful Words in the Life of Your Marriage
- How to Fix Communication Problems in Marriage and Why It Matters