Have you ever been accused of showing a lack of respect in marriage? Understanding respect and learning how to show respect are a part of marriage I wish there was a class on before we got married. I have messed this up so bad so often. If you, like me ask things like “What is respect in marriage?” and “what is disrespect in a marriage?” you are in for a treat. Today Natalia Drumm will share 3 reasons to fix a lack of respect in marriage.
3 Powerful Reasons to Fix a Lack of Respect in Marriage
I’m a gift giver.
It’s my love language.
I (Natalia Drumm) love to shower gifts on people. I thrive in the hunt of finding or making, the perfect keepsake.
My mind swoons over possibilities, and I find sheer delight in watching a friend open a delicately wrapped gift.
The entire process of gifting has always held a marvel and joy to my soul.
Upon marriage, I found sheer delight in gifting items to my husband, but it took many years for me to learn I had been withholding a most necessary and precious gift to my most loved human.
A lack of respect in marriage creates tension, discontentment and strained communication that can hurt a marriage.
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A lack of respect in marriage creates tension, discontentment and strained communication that can hurt a marriage. Share on X
The Gift of Respect in Marriage
Websters defines respect as a feeling of deep admiration. If respect is a feeling, what constitutes disrespect in a relationship? Not expressing your feelings?
The whole concept seems confusing, especially when as women we focus more on love than respect…
You see for years I loved my husband dearly. I held him close and cherished him. All the traits I hoped he would reciprocate to me. Everything I desired for him to do, say, or gift toward me I did toward him. And all I encountered was frustration and resentment. For as much as I loved, my husband’s spirit didn’t respond.
It took years for me to understand the importance of respect in regards to my husband and how there was a lack of respect in my marriage. Once I became obedient to God’s command in Ephesians 5 (one of the most popular respect in marriage bible passages) it unlocked the most amazing changes in my marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-33… Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife just see to it that she respects her husband.
Respect in marriage is an act of obedience to God
In Paul’s teaching on marriage, we find he tells a husband and wife to do two very different things.
- A wife is to respect her husband
- A husband is to love his wife.
God is teaching us as married couples to honor our spouse in the language they speak.
- Women naturally love and hence don’t need to be told to love.
- Men naturally respect and don’t need to be told to respect.
Respect and love in a relationship are both important though not always easy. However, when I move outside of my comfort zone and respect my husband, I do it as an act of obedience to God.
There are seasons in a marriage where respect for my husband flows easily. I can find all his strengths and speak them out of him.
But we are both sinful fallen people. So there are seasons in a marriage where showing and living respect are harder. It’s not about whether my husband has been respectable, it’s about showing my respect to God through my behavior to my husband.
A Resource to help you grow in faith –
Natalia Drumm’s one Girlfriends in the Word™ devotional starter kit is a great resource to build your Bible study time. The kit includes a 20-day devotional study (A Woman of Grit study), Scripture journal, pen, highlighter, bookmark and beautiful hand created fabric travel-dori cover to store all your study materials. Retail value $25. Fabric pattern may vary.
Fix a lack of Respect in marriage to unlock your husband’s heart
Yes, you read that right. Giving respect to my husband unlocks the emotional areas of my husband’s heart I can’t reach otherwise. That is a powerful reason to fix a lack of respect in marriage.
Men are very different emotional creatures than women. Yet so often, as women, we treat our husbands as if they are our girlfriends. We want to have emotionally intimate conversations with them and find ourselves frustrated when we love them yet, they don’t emotionally respond on the level we desire. Respect is the missing link in unlocking your husband’s heart.
As I responded in respect toward my husband his heart softened toward me. One way to show respect is through listening better. (Learn more about that here).
When I filled his emotional need for respect, he, in turn, began to fill my emotional need for affection and affirmation in the relationship. Conversations became deeper in intimacy as areas of my husband’s heart were shared with me.
Giving respect to my husband unlocks the emotional areas of my husband’s heart I can’t reach otherwise. That is a powerful reason to fix a lack of respect in marriage. Share on XMore respect leads to more love in marriage
Giving the gift of respect to my husband resulted in me receiving his love. More love is a powerful reason to fix a lack of respect in marriage!
We’ve heard: “it’s more blessed to give than to receive,” but what happens when giving results in receiving? When I started out on my “respect experiment” I assumed it was just that. An experiment. I believed I would give respect a try, find it foolish and return to my normal crazy plans (which had not been working, but it was what I knew.)
Besides, speaking this “respect talk” toward my husband felt awkward and unnatural. However, what I quickly discovered was the power of respect.
Need help finding ways to speak respect to your husband? Words of Affirmation go a long way – Find 30 starters here.
You see, respect toward my husband unlocked loved toward me. As I served my husband with my words and my respect, I found him serving me with love. In the giving, I found myself receiving.
Giving the gift of respect to my husband resulted in me receiving his love. More love is a powerful reason to fix a lack of respect in marriage! Share on X3 Powerful Reasons to Fix a Lack of Respect in Marriage
I wish I had learned the power of respect earlier on in my marriage. Many hurts and wounds would have been avoided. At the same time, it’s possible I would not have valued the gift of respect so much had I not known how desperately I needed to learn its power.
Ladies, if there is ever one thing I would encourage you in, it would be to turn your heart and mind toward respect to your husband. When you fix a lack of respect in marriage powerful change will happen:
- Showing respect in marriage is being obedient to God
- Fixing a lack of respect in marriage unlocks your husband’s heart
- More respect in marriage leads to more love in marriage
What are some practical ways you can show your husband respect today?
Natalia is a lover of Jesus, chocolate chip cookies and cold Coke. She is wife to her high school sweetheart and they raise their three boys in Southwest Florida. Natalia writes for Lifeway as an assignment writer for Journey and seeks to encourage women in their faith to be rooted in the love of Christ. Natalia’s passion is for building community with others as they grow their connection with Jesus, which led her to begin writing a series of devotional study books called Girlfriends in the Word. Learn more about her and subscribe online for free devotionals at www.nataliadrumm.com
Did you enjoy this? Check out more like it here:
- How Respect Improved Communication in Marriage
- How to Fast and Pray in a Way that Pleases God
- Be a Biblical wife to an Ungodly Husband
- To The Wife Who Needs Security in a Christian Marriage
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Love this—> “Giving respect to my husband unlocks the emotional areas of my husband’s heart I can’t reach otherwise” (Natalia Drumm).
What a beautiful way to look at respecting our husbands. Giving respect as a gift makes it less “heavy” or demanding as some may see it. Thank you for this!
What a New way to Learn and Act on, men are so different than females. It makes such sense to try this new approach. I will give this a try and ask God for Patience while doing it.
What a great word Teri! Praying for you and for all of us as we press in to Intentionally Invest in marriage God’s way!