I’m a gift giver.
It’s my love language.
I (Natalia Drumm) love to shower gifts on people. I thrive in the hunt of finding, or making, the perfect keepsake.
My mind swoons over possibilities, and I find sheer delight in watching a friend open a delicately wrapped gift.
The entire process of gifting has always held a marvel and joy to my soul.
Upon marriage I found sheer delight in gifting items to my husband, but it took many years for me to learn I had been withholding a most necessary and precious gift to my most loved human.
The Gift of Respect.
You see for years I loved my husband dearly. I held him closely and cherished him. All the traits I hoped he would reciprocate to me. Everything I desired for him to do, say, or gift toward me I did toward him. And all I encountered was frustration and resentment. For as much as I loved, my husband’s spirit didn’t respond.
It took years for me to understand the importance of respect in regards to my husband. Once I became obedient to God’s command in Ephesians 5 it unlocked the most amazing changes in my marriage.
Giving my husband my respect is an act of obedience to God
In Paul’s teaching on marriage we find he tells a husband and wife to do two very different things.
- A wife is to respect her husband
- A husband is to love his wife.
God is teaching us as married couples to honor our spouse in the language they speak. Women naturally love and hence don’t need to be told to love. Men naturally respect and don’t need to be told to respect.
However, when I move outside of my comfort zone and respect my husband, I do it as an act of obedience to God. There are seasons in marriage where respect for my husband flows easily. I can find all his strengths and speak them out of him.
But we are both sinful fallen people. So there are seasons in marriage where showing and living respect are harder. It’s not about whether my husband has been respectable, it’s about showing my respect unto God through my behavior to my husband.
Giving respect to my husband unlocks the emotional areas of my husband’s heart I can’t reach otherwise.
Men are very different emotional creatures than women. Yet so often, as women we treat our husbands as if they are our girlfriends. We want to have emotionally intimate conversations with them, and find ourselves frustrated when we love them yet, they don’t emotionally respond on the level we desire. Respect is the missing link in unlocking our husband’s hearts.
As I responded in respect toward my husband his heart softened toward me. When I filled his emotional need for respect, he in turn began to fill my emotional need for affection and affirmation in the relationship. Conversations became deeper in intimacy as areas of my husband’s heart were shared with me.
Giving the gift of respect to my husband resulted in me receiving his love.
We’ve heard: “it’s more blessed to give than to receive,” but what happens when giving results in receiving? When I started out on my “respect experiment” I assumed it was just that. An experiment. I believed I would give respect a try, find it foolish and return to my normal crazy plans (which had not been working, but it was what I knew.)
Besides, speaking this “respect talk” toward my husband felt awkward and unnatural. However, what I quickly discovered was the power of respect.
You see, respect toward my husband unlocked loved toward me. As I served my husband with my words and my respect, I found him serving me with love. In the giving, I found myself receiving.
I wish I had learned the power of respect earlier on in my marriage.
Many hurts and wounds would have been avoided. At the same time, it’s possible I would not have valued the gift of respect so much had I not known how desperately I needed to learn its power.
Ladies, if there is ever one thing I could encourage you in, it would be to turn your heart and mind toward respect to your husband.Women naturally love
Have you ever thought of Respect being a Gift you can give your Man? That is a big step toward Biblical Wifehood! I love that Natalia! You will want to follow her and her unique voice in the world. Check out her blog spot at http://www.nataliadrumm.com and Join her tribe for an amazing Devotional!
I love Natalia’s amazing “Pillow Talk Devotional” ~Walk through the book of James in 5 weeks with short daily readings of Scripture, devotional sections, pillow talk questions to do with your spouse and space to journal, ask questions or write out Scripture.
In September (2017) I invited 30 Women’s Ministry Leaders to share their Best Marriage Tips, Secrets, Encouragement along with some Free Resources to better Equip us all. Check out the articles on the Biblical Marriage – The Wifehood Page or get them in a Free e-Book Here!
Don’t forget to check out the Wives only Facebook Group! This is an amazing group of wives – a community focused on Biblical Wifehood that is encouraging and equipping each other!