What Submission Looks Like in a Christian Marriage ftImg(#ChristianMarriage #BiblicalWifehood Reclaiming Hope & Joy in your Marriage)

What Submission Looks Like in a Christian Marriage

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Years ago, my husband, mother, sister and I (Tatiana Adurias), were attending a wedding reception. When the gathering was coming to a close, the groom’s mother, asked the guests to join her in prayer over the new couple. Eighteen years later, I clearly remember how infuriated we were during that prayer. Her prayer was offensive, demeaning, and weak. At least that’s how we felt at the time.

The offense in her prayer? An incessant plea for submission. In her prayer, the mother of the groom, had requested the new bride “submit to her husband”, at least 31 times. I counted.

What Submission Looks Like in a Christian Marriage PinIt (#ChristianMarriage #BiblicalWifehood Reclaiming Hope & Joy in your Marriage)

Afterwards, we left the reception horrified. I was raised by a single mother, who was raised by a single mother. All the women in my life are forces to be reckoned with. Strong women. Women who submitted to no one. On the way home, I asked my husband how he felt about “submission”, and to my delight, he completely agreed with me. He too, was raised by a strong woman, and saw submission as a sign of weakness.

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Why is submission such a bad word?

The world’s definition of submission implies weakness. However, the Bible calls us to submit on multiple occasions. We submit to government officials and obey laws we sometimes disagree with. We follow speed limits and understand their purpose is to keep us safe.

Christ was present at the time of creation and all things were created by Him (Colossians 1:16). Yet He submitted to the Father in heaven. Even the creator of all things, submitted.

Prodigal-living-in-the-world me, would have picked a fight with anyone quoting the words of Peter:

1 Peter 3:1 submission Biblical Wifehood Christian Marraige

There’s another word society doesn’t like. Obey.

How Submission Saved my Marriage

Complete and total submission to the Lord as well as to my husband came 7 years later.  One year later, my husband, came to the Lord.

Remember what Peter said?

Without a word. Without nagging, complaining and criticizing, my unbelieving husband gave his life Christ!

For years, I had prayed for my husband to change. I prayed for the Lord to change his heart, for the Lord to pour His Spirit on him. Yet all I had to do, was to get out of the way.

Friend, are you in the way? Are you hindering a blessing from the Most High?

Remember Jesus’ words in the garden:

Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.
Luke 22:42

What Submission Actually Is

The word submission comes from the Greek word hupotassó, which is also used as a military term. It means to place or rank under, to subject. We’re not talking about a rank of importance here, but a hierarchy of accountability.

In the book of Ephesians 5:25- 27, Paul writes:

Husbands, love your wives, as Chrsit loved the church and gave himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Taking into account the full authority of the Bible, the church is to willingly submit, follow, heed, every command, so that we may be blameless.  Therefore, as godly wives, submission to our husbands must be voluntary.

Biblical Submission defined as a hierarchy of accountability. Christian Marriage. Biblical Wifehood

What Submission Is Not

We disagreed with that very memorable prayer because we misunderstood submission.  We pictured that poor bride submitting to her new husband’s every whim.

Then, we imagined an abusive relationship. A dictatorship actually, where she would forfeit all of her dreams and desires. We imagined her checking her brains at the altar, and completely forgetting who she was.  A life of being barefoot and pregnant, while her husband did as he pleased.

This is not the picture described in the passages mentioned above. Paul’s admonition begins with love. “husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church…”

Now, think of how Christ loves you. Broken, flawed, you. The you that has on more than one occasion turned your back from His relentless love. His fierce love.

The man, God gave you, is called to love you like that.

However, submission is not putting your husband’s will and authority above that of Christ.

A Challenge to Submit

In today’s society, submissive wifehood -Biblical Wifehood -is a thing of the past. The type of thing you see on 1950’s sitcoms. Today’s sitcoms, instead portray strong female roles (nothing wrong with that). However, husbands and men, in general, are portrayed as either weak and idiotic or womanizers. Gone are the days with strong male roles.

In its effort to empower women, the feminist movement has emasculated men.  Submissive wives are no longer the norm, or even the exception.

Friend, you are called to submit to the man God gave you.

Godly submission will revolutionize your marriage. My marriage is not perfect, and I don’t claim to agree with every decision my husband has made or will make in the future. However, I will follow his lead.  I will honor his position and respect his God-given responsibility to lead.

I challenge you to godly submission, and prayer today. You will reap more blessings that you can imagine. Are you ready?

What a beautiful story of God’s faithfulness to us! 

Tatiana also recommends Dancing with the One Your Love: Living Out Submission in the Real World as a good resource if you are struggling with Submission.

Dancing with the One You Love: Living out Submission in the Real World. Biblical Wifehood. Reclaiming Hope & Joy









Don’t forget to check out the Wives only  Facebook Group!  This amazing community is focused on Biblical Wifehood. They are is encouraging and equipping each other!

You might also enjoy the Christian Marriage Resource List – these are all things that have helped restore Hope & Joy in my Marriage.



Tatiana Adurias

Tatiana ia a follower of Jesus, wife, and mum to one boy and five girls. Her mission is to inspire, encourage and equip mothers to raise children who long to walk with Jesus. She is a compulsive organizer, lover of books and coffee, aspiring apologist, and is an avid supporter of school choice. Connect with her on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook @themusingsofmum.

7 thoughts to “What Submission Looks Like in a Christian Marriage”

  1. I think for me, I feel like submission invalidates my feelings or thoughts or ideas… I realize the fallacy with this, but it is hard for me to move past…

    1. Yes Molly! I struggle with that too… I don’t want to be a door mat… to be walked all over. But God (My favorite phrase now) has been showing me that He sees me, He hears me, He has plans for my life… I am learning to lean into Him and see Submission as His way of taking the pressure and responsibility of life off my shoulders… and He puts it on His shoulders – especially when hubby makes a choice that is not good (maybe not even godly). I am learning to Trust God to have us and be our safety net. He is Faithful and Trustworthy… I have to remind myself almost daily. Praying for all of us in this today!

  2. Tatiana, you shine such a beautiful light on something that is so often misunderstood. Thank you for walking us through and encouraging us in God’s definition of submission. It is something I think many of us struggle with. It has been looked at incorrectly for so long that we often give up and pile it in the corner of our hearts. What a blessing this was to read!

  3. God bless you for this write up.
    The Amplified Bible puts 1st Peter 3:1 this way: “In the same way, you wives, be [a]submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives,”

  4. My husband wants me to do fasting(for spiritual reasons) eventhough I am diabetic. Am I supposed to even if it means risking compications?

    1. Hi Carla, I love that hubby is initiating this with you! It is refreshing. I am a huge proponent of fasting because it helps us draw near to God – and get real answers. I would say though that you should talk to him about other things to fast from beside food. Check out this article I wrote as I explored Fasting that Pleases God earlier this year. The bible speaks of fasting from sweets or oils or sex… anything that consumes our time and thoughts can be given up for a time to seek God. https://hopejoyinchrist.com/fast-pray-pleases-god/ I love that our God is not about Rules… He is about our hearts. Fasting is giving up something in order to draw near to His heart and He will honor that whether it is food or facebook. (Honestly, Facebook was harder for me than food… ) Just some thoughts and know that I will be praying for you as you walk through this!

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