How to Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree

How often do you and your husband disagree? In our home, there is little that we actually agree about so you can imagine the struggle when big decisions need to be made.  Enter the Idea of Biblical Submission and we have another problem.  Can you submit when you disagree?  If you’ve asked ‘How to submit to your husband when you disagree‘ you are in the right place.  Today Nicci Kilcoyne from Fruitful Vine Women is going to share.

Are You Wondering How to Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree?

“How am I supposed to trust him when he has messed up so much???”  The question asked by sincere wives at the end of their rope and if I (Nicci Kilcoyne) am being honest, at one time (or two), from my own heart.   Submission is hard when you don’t trust the one you are submitting to.  It is an honest question: How to submit to your husband when you disagree.

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Biblical Submission When Trusting Your Husband is Hard

When I found myself asking this question in my own marriage ‘How to submit to your husband when you disagree’, I well remember the inner struggle. I was fearful and resentful of some of the leadership choices my husband had made concerning our household.  The thought of submitting to him again sent me over the edge.

I knew I was supposed to submit to my husband, but I couldn’t figure out HOW to do it without having a horrible attitude.

Really, What is submission in a relationship?  Are there Bible Verses about Submission to husband that could help me understand and apply this biblical marriage principle once and for all?

Be sure to follow the Entire Series on the Hope For Marriage Event Page.

Bible Verses About Submission to Husbands

God showed me Bible verses about submission to husbands that have really helped me grow in this area of my wifehood:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merelyexternal—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.1 Peter 3:1-4 NASB

For the modern woman, this scripture can be a little hard to swallow and digest. ‘How do you submit to your husband?’ we ask.  Submission requires a complete laying down of self. The culture I was raised in balked at the idea of such a concept!  When you disagree with your husband, that culture would say speak your mind and walk away if he doesn’t not change.

God drew my attention to verse 5 which reads

“For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves.”

Marriage Lessons From Women in The Bible

Sometimes I need to hear it from other wives. I need to hear their stories and learn from them. Through God’s Eyes: Marriage lessons for Women by Aminata Coote does just that.

In the book, you will learn to look at your relationship through God’s eyes. The Bible highlights many couples and their lives stand as a testimony for us. Uncover their secrets and get practical advice to make your marriage the best that it can be.

Through God's Eyes: Marriage Devotional

9 Steps to Help You Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree

Here are 9 Steps to help you learn how to submit to your husband when you disagree. I found it simplest to begin at number one and add each in succession. Take your time and lean heavily on prayer as you grow in this.

Step 1 To Submit is to Pray

I began to Pray and study the bible hoping to find a loophole to tell me that I didn’t need to submit to my man.   Just as I suspected, there was no way around it. I was expected to submit to my husband.  Learning to submit would take the strength of God.

I asked God, “How do I submit and respect my husband? How do you submit to your husband when you disagree?  Please mold me into a godly wife!”

God began to do a work in my heart.  He gently reminded me that I wasn’t exactly the model Christian wife either. When I measured myself against the Word, I was coming up VERY short!

Step 2 – Remember you are Not Perfect Either as you ask How to Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree

Let me say that again… Step 2 – Remember you are not perfect either as you ask how to submit to your husband when you disagree.

Out of this knowledge, as you can imagine, I became much more merciful toward my husband. As I prayed and sought counsel from the Word, God took me to the mother of all submission scriptures.  One that showed how you should treat your husband even when you disagree.

Step 3. Trust God

“…Who Trusted in God…”

It occurred to me that biblical submission in relationships had nothing or little to do with my husband and EVERYTHING to do with my faith in GOD!

Could I always trust my husband? Even if I wanted to, the answer was “No.”

But could I trust God? Absolutely!

So How do you submit to your husband?  Surrender to God, trust God.

If you go back to the old testament and read the accounts of Abraham and Sarah, it doesn’t take long to see that Abraham made some decisions that directly affected his wife Sarah– and not always in a positive way!  I poured over their story and realized that Sarah needed faith in Someone much bigger than her husband.  She needed faith in an almighty God in order to get through the journey they were on.

Biblical Submission in relationships has little to do with my husband and everything to do with my faith in God!

Step 4 – Follow the Examples of Marriage in the Bible

Ladies, we are no different!

Marriage is filled with two very imperfect people.  But if you will put your trust in a perfect God, all will be well. This is what submission means to me!

I determined that day to heed the Word of God by stepping into the characteristics of a godly wife.   What submission means to me…  I would not give in to fear every time my husband made a decision I didn’t agree with.

That didn’t mean I just blindly followed though: it meant I was now placing my active faith in God, not necessarily my husband.

It meant that I was going to be in prayer more.  I am standing in faith for my husband, his growth and his relationship with the Lord, and much more.

Step 5 – Let Him Fail

Yep, that’s what I said. Let him fail and grow and you will grow too -submission in relationships encourages growth that way.

I soon had an opportunity to put into practice what the Word of God asked of me when I asked Him ‘how to submit to your husband when you disagree’. My husband made a decision that directly affected the area of our finances. This time, I did not freak out and arguing with him.  I respectfully told him I did not agree, but that I was committed to submitting to him.  I would help my husband and pray for him in any way I could.

He went ahead with his decision and we lost quite a bit of money.  I was not angry with my husband, because my trust was in the LORD.  Also, I didn’t run to him afterward to tell him “I told you so”.

My heart actually hurt for my husband.  I prayed for him in a way I had never prayed for him before.

You see, submission encourages growth.  Not long after the situation, my husband came to me and repented.  He told me all the things God was teaching him through this experience.

God added wisdom to my husband that day.  He gained a greater dependence on the Lord and a greater sensitivity to me and so much more.

Step 6 – Watch as God Grows your Husband into a Leader

I submitted.  We disagreed.  He chose his own path and it was hard, but it was worth every penny that we lost.

My husband began to step into a greater leadership role within the home because of it and not ONE fight occurred between us. Quite the opposite- we became closer than ever.

Step 7 – Watch as God Develop You

God was working in me too – building into me the characteristics of a godly wife!.

During that situation, I battled fear, anger, resentment, anxiety, and all the usual emotions.  But this time, as I asked God ‘How to submit to your husband when you disagree?’ I battled it all before the Lord and you know what?

God developed some new things in my character – I began to see in me the characteristics of a godly wife… not a perfect wife, but a godly wife.  What a blessing in disguise!

Step 8 – Glorify God

Through all of it, I saw how God cared for me. As He catches, caries and blesses me through the trials of growth I give Him all the glory.

He gave me scriptures to pray.  Got put compassion in my heart for my husband.  He was young but had the world on his shoulders with a wife and 3 small children at the time.

I learned that I really could trust God with my every need. Even though we suffered loss, God sent some side work to my husband to make up for some of what we had lost.  I learned that every scripture is in the Word for a reason. If we are willing to follow what God says, He will always show up and honor His Word.

God will always use your submission (your obedience to His Word) to grow you as a godly wife!

Step 9 – Remember the Bigger Picture of Marriage

Sometimes, we do not see the results in marriage we wish to see because we do not choose to obey God’s Word.

There’s a bigger picture here.

How many times have I cheated God out of showing up big for me?  I was too fearful or un-submissive to heed His Word.

How many blessings have my family missed because I thought I knew better than the scriptures?  I am now working hard to fully embrace submission.  Learning how to submit to your husband means you have to do it in God’s way.

I know God wants to be glorified and I do not want to hinder anything He wants to do.

As wives, we have to begin to ‘see’ with eternal vision and trust God in the midst of our submission.

(NOTE: Scriptures do not condone abuse. If you are in an abusive marriage, please seek professional help to ensure your family’s safety and well-being.)

9 Steps to Learn How to Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree

I encourage you to take a cue from Sarah and the women of old from scripture.   The next time you find yourself asking “How to submit to your husband when you disagree?” put your trust in God and allow Him to minister to you and your husband through it all.   God always honors faith and obedience to His Word.  He will bless your marriage and show up big, if only you allow it

Which of the 9 Steps to Biblical Submission can you pick to try out today?

  1. Pray and read scripture
  2. Remember you are not perfect either
  3. Trust God
  4. Follow the example of wives in the Bible
  5. Let him fail
  6. Watch God grow him without your help
  7. Let God grow you
  8. Give God glory as He helps you through the trials
  9. Remember the bigger picture

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Nicci Kilcoyne

Nicci Anna Kilcoyne is a blogger at who loves encouraging women to have faith in Jesus and to pursue fruitfulness in Him by standing firm in His Word and biblical priorities in a modern world. God, Family, Parenting, Homekeeping and Homeschooling are her world, along with words, coffee and the making of all the things. She’s also a professional freelance writer for hire and can be reached at for her services.

13 thoughts to “How to Submit to Your Husband When You Disagree”

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I think it is an excellent truth on a difficult topic. It was a great reminder for me. I am pinning this so I can remember it.

  2. Many women have a misconception on the word “submit” but this post did a lovely job teaching how to submit to our husbands when we disagree. It is valuable to a happy marriage!

  3. Submitting to your husband when you disagree is HARD! But you have explained it better than I have ever heard before. That it’s about trusting God more than anything, and it’s OK to let them fail, and not become arrogant.

  4. I would pick all the choices, but mostly 3 and 5. I agree too that I have had many times where I didn’t let God have the opportunity to do something really big in my life. This is the best post on Biblical submission that I’ve ever read. Awesome! ❤

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