Lack of marriage communication is couples’ number one problem in our society. It creeps in unnoticed, at first. It is not a threat that can intimidate your marriage right away. There is always a reason like, “I am too tired to talk” or “We’ve been so busy lately” to justify the lack of conversations between married couples.
The reality is, your marriage is falling into a trap. Your fairy tale is falling into a routine. Less and less you and your spouse are having meaningful conversations. Your talks revolve around work, bills, children, meals and whatever else is part of the routine.
Communication is the heart of a relationship and good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage.
We fall in love because of the endless conversations we have before we got married. We talked about everything and we thought we had so much in common. Soul mates, we thought! A match made in heaven. We could talk for hours and hours without getting tired. In fact, my husband and I (Ana Willis) talked so much on the phone when we were engaged, we ended up with a $1800 cellphone bill. No kidding!
Do you remember when you were dating and could stay up forever talking on the phone? Are you feeling disconnected from your husband now? Has your spouse become your roommate?
Lack of Marriage Communication Brings Disconnection & Division
“we know that these are common patterns of drifting that every married couple needs to understand, guard against, and correct when identified. Ephesians 4:27 counsels us not to “give the devil a foothold.”
When we allow a fade to begin, it is fertile soil for the enemy to begin to divide what God has brought together. If the drift continues unnoticed and unattended, the divided relationship heads in a direction toward slow destruction.” Excerpt from No More Perfect Marriages.
Couples need to communicate to connect! And they need to communicate to walk together in agreement.
“Can two walk together, unless they agree?” Amos 3:3
When we lose communication in our marriage, big issues begin to rise, like:
- Living with more disagreements than agreements
- Dealing with unaddressed feelings
- Lack of emotional support (This is one of the top issues reported)
- Not being able to make decisions together
- Not sharing the same vision for your family, finances, parenting, etc.
These are the very issues that divide couples and destroy marriages, causing separations and divorces. We were called to be one as a married couple.
“And the two shall become one.” Mark 10:8
Walking in agreement and on the same page is the only way to have a strong, healthy and happy marriage.
Lack of Marriage Communication Leads to Lack of Intimacy
The more you disconnect from each other, the more your marriage will lack intimacy. Communication breakdowns can create a loss in sexual interest. Especially for women who need emotional intimacy to be able to engage in physical intimacy.
Without communication and intimacy, no marriage can survive. Couples quickly become lonely and unfulfilled, thus, opening doors for pornography and adultery.
We must guard and protect our marriage with diligence and intentionality.
Three years ago, during a crisis, my husband and I realized we neglect our marriage and lost communication and intimacy big time. We were great parents, perfect ministry partners and we had no idea we had marriage issues.
We had drifted away from each other as a couple and became roommates instead, without even noticing.
4 Practical Ways to Start Restoring Your Marriage Communication
1 – Go on a Weekend Marriage Retreat.
The best thing that has ever happened to our marriage was to go away for a weekend alone with my husband for the first time and go over every area of our lives.
Even though one weekend only will not solve all the problems, it is certainly a great start. After a period, short or long, of broken communication or the complete lack of, it’s time to get on the same page.
Our marriage was in crisis and we needed to restore our communication and rebuild our marriage. That’s when I came across Jimmy Evans’ Vision Retreat Journey. I am not talking about a church marriage retreat with other couples. This Vision Retreat Journey can be taken anytime, anywhere, but Jimmy Evans highly advise us to go someplace away from home for 3-5 days to go through it.
We could only take a weekend away at that time but it was enough time for us to reconnect, talk, pray, get on the same page and make new goals for our marriage, children, ministry, work, finances, etc.
The results were immediate for us. We were able to get on the same page and start working together towards healing in our marriage. We had new goals and plans in mind to accomplish as a couple and that brought us closer than we’ve ever been before.
2 – Go out on dates and have fun together!
I remember watching one of Jimmy Evans’ Marriage Today ‘s Bible Study called Return to Intimacy, and he asked us to talk about what we did for fun together! Seriously? I had no idea what to answer! Ryan and I did a lot of things together like ministering at the church, take care of the kids, help other people, but we never did anything together just for fun – never!
We knew immediately this was one of the reason we drifted away from each other. We were surrounded day and night by stressful situations in ministry and serious issues in the house, financial stress, constant moving for ministry, etc.
In fact, I had just burned out completely.
Not only had we neglected our communication and our intimacy, but we could not even point one thing out we did for fun together – not one! Today we know we like to go for drives together exploring new places, have picnics at the park, watch movies and go bowling for fun.
We are still finding out fun things to do together as a couple but we are a lot more aware of our need to go out just the two of us and have fun, laugh, and connect! Lately, we started to use Wednesday nights, when we drop our kids off at Awana, to go for a date at a coffee shop and we truly enjoy it.
We have to keep things on budget living on one income and we don’t have family around to babysit our kids, so having a date while kids are out for an activity is the way to go for us. Date nights keep the marriage communication and connection going and this leads to more intimacy.
Need some help with ideas? Here is a great bundle resource for Christian couples.
3 – Have weekly meetings to talk about the problems and the solutions.
Do not, I repeat, do not use your date nights to talk about your problems! Date nights are for having fun together only, not to talk about your issues.
To talk about problems, set a weekly family business meeting with your spouse, where you can discuss your finances, kids discipline, marriage issues, etc.
Once a week put a movie on for the kids or wait until they go to bed, grab a cup of coffee or tea, bring in some cookies and go over the things you both believe need a solution.
These meetings help couples to make decisions together and to stay on the same page.
4 – Pray for your husband and marriage!
I could not finish this blog post without talking about the power of praying for your husband and marriage!
It is our duty as godly wives to cover our spouses and our marriages in prayer daily.
Here are 10 Things you can pray for your husband and marriage daily:
Pray with your spouse as often as you can, but also, pray for your husband by laying your hands when he is asleep and pray for him in the mornings when he is on his way to work. My kids and I used to stretch our hands and pray a blessing over daddy every time we drove by his work.
Speak the Word of God over your marriage and thank God that what He has joined together no man can separate. Declare that your marriage is for the glory of God because it is! When your marriage communication is strong, your marriage is strong and it testifies to others.
Sisters, let’s be intentional in keeping our marriage communication strong!
No broken marriage communication will not last forever. There is hope in Christ! Hope for our marriages. We do what we can on the natural and God will do what only He can do on the supernatural. Three years ago I was about to leave my husband, I felt hopeless and lonely. I was sick, weak and ready to throw the towel but the Holy Spirit helped me to not give up!
Today we have a marriage stronger than ever. We walk together in the same page in all areas of our marriage and we restored our intimacy. Through the works God has done in our marriage now we can help other couples to overcome their struggles and be victorious!
Don’t give up! Instead, give everything to make your marriage a great witness of God’s power in your life, in Jesus’ name!
Thank you Ana for these great tips to reconnect through Communication in our marriage!
If you enjoyed this you will love connecting with Ana at TheyCallMeBlessed.org where she joyfully helps Moms move from stressed to blessed!
Ana is also a great mentor for new Bloggers like me. She is giving away 1 Free enrolment into her Grow Your Blog Partying e-Course (which is where I learned how to organize this 30 days of Reclaiming Hope & Joy in your Marriage Blog Party!) Enter to win below!
We are in a 30 day Series called Reclaiming Hope & Joy in Your Marriage
Here are the a few of the Articles so Far:
Moving from Lost to Found in Marriage
Perspective in Marriage: Give Us Eyes to See (Part 1)
Finding Joy in Being a HelpMeet to Your Husband
Perspective in Marriage: from Surviving to Thriving (Part 2)
Can You Reclaim Hope & Joy After Betrayal in Marriage?
The Unexpected Path to Happiness in Marriage
3 Ways to Stand Firm in the Battle for Your Marriage
7 Practical Ways to Reclaim Hope and Joy in Your Marriage
How to Restore Honor Back in Your Marriage
Reclaim True Hope for the Hurting Wife
Keep up with all the posts on the Main Biblical Wifehood Page or Get them direct to your Inbox and read them when you have time
And Don’t forget to Enter the Ultimate Reclaiming Hope & Joy in Your Marriage Giveaway!