Is it any surprise that when couples seek help to fix marital problems, communication is among the first things listed? Two of the most commonly asked questions about Marriage are about ‘why communication is important in a marriage’ and ‘how couples can communicate better. Today Ana Willis will tackle both questions as she explains why & how to fix communication problems in marriage.
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Why and How to Fix Communication Problems in Marriage and Why it Matters
First, we look at why effective communication in marriage is so critical to a healthy marriage that lasts a lifetime.
Lack of marriage communication is couples’ number one problem in our society. It creeps in unnoticed, at first. It is not a threat that can intimidate your marriage right away. There is always a reason like, “I am too tired to talk” or “We’ve been so busy lately” to justify the lack of conversations between married couples.
The reality is, that your marriage is falling into a trap. Your fairy tale is falling into a routine. Less and less you and your spouse are having meaningful conversations. Your talks revolve around work, bills, children, meals and whatever else is part of the routine.
Communication is the heart of a relationship and good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Lack of communication in marriage leads to divorce which is why you must learn how to fix communication problems in marriage!
We fall in love because of the endless conversations we have before we got married. We talked about everything and we thought we had so much in common. Soul mates, we thought! A match made in heaven. We could talk for hours and hours without getting tired. In fact, my husband and I (Ana Willis) talked so much on the phone when we were engaged, we ended up with a $1800 cellphone bill. No kidding!
Do you remember when you were dating and could stay up forever talking on the phone? Are you feeling disconnected from your husband now? Has your spouse become your roommate?
Lack of Marriage Communication Leads to Divorce because it Brings Disconnection & Division
We know that these are common patterns of drifting that every married couple needs to understand, guard against, and correct when identified. Ephesians 4:27 counsels us not to “give the devil a foothold.”
John 10:10 The theif comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
When we allow a fade to begin, it is fertile soil for the enemy to begin to divide what God has brought together. If the drift continues unnoticed and unattended, the divided relationship heads in a direction toward slow destruction.” Excerpt from No More Perfect Marriages.
Couples need to communicate to connect! And they need to communicate to walk together in agreement.
“Can two walk together, unless they agree?” Amos 3:3
When we lose communication in our marriage, big issues begin to arise, like:
- Living with more disagreements than agreements
- Dealing with unaddressed feelings
- Lack of emotional support (This is one of the top issues reported)
- Not being able to make decisions together
- Not sharing the same vision for your family, finances, parenting, etc.
These are the very issues that divide couples and destroy marriages, causing separations and divorces. We were called to be one as a married couple. We Must learn how to fix marriage communication problems because lack of communication in marriage leads to divorce and you do not want that.
Walking in agreement and on the same page is the only way to have a strong, healthy and happy marriage.
Lack of Marriage Communication and Intimacy Problems
Yes, lack of communication in marriage leads to a lack of intimacy. Communication and intimacy are tied together.
The more you disconnect from each other, the more your marriage will lack intimacy. Communication breakdowns can create a loss of sexual interest. Especially for women who need emotional intimacy to be able to engage in physical intimacy.
Without communication and intimacy, no marriage can survive. Couples quickly become lonely and unfulfilled, thus, opening doors for pornography and Infidelity.
We must guard and protect our marriage with diligence and intentionality. We must learn how to fix communication problems in marriage!
Three years ago, during a crisis, my husband and I realized we neglected our marriage and lost communication and intimacy big time. We were great parents, and perfect ministry partners and we had no idea we had marriage issues.
We had drifted away from each other as a couple and became roommates instead, without even noticing. After God revealed the importance of communication in marriage he showed us 4 practical ways to start restoring communication that I would love to share with you today.
Marriage Communication Tip #1 – Go on a Weekend Marriage Retreat.
The best thing that has ever happened to our marriage was to go away for a weekend alone with my husband for the first time and go over every area of our lives.
Even though one weekend only will not solve all the problems, it is certainly a great start. After a period, short or long, of broken communication or the complete lack of, it’s time to get on the same page.
Our marriage was in crisis and we needed to restore our communication and rebuild our marriage. That’s when I came across Jimmy Evans’ Vision Retreat Journey. I am not talking about a church marriage retreat with other couples. This Vision Retreat Journey can be taken anytime, anywhere, but Jimmy Evans highly advise us to go someplace away from home for 3-5 days to go through it and learn how to fix communication problems in marriage.
We could only take a weekend away at that time but it was enough time for us to reconnect, talk, pray, get on the same page and make new goals for our marriage, children, ministry, work, finances, etc.
The results were immediate for us. We were able to get on the same page and start working together towards healing in our marriage. We had new goals and plans in mind to accomplish as a couple and that brought us closer than we’ve ever been before.
Marriage Communication Tip #2 – Go out on dates and have fun together!
I remember watching one of Jimmy Evans’ Marriage Today ‘s Bible Study called Return to Intimacy, and he asked us to talk about what we did for fun together! Seriously? I had no idea what to answer! Ryan and I did a lot of things together like ministering at the church, take care of the kids, help other people, but we never did anything together just for fun – never!
We knew immediately this was one of the reasons we drifted away from each other. We were surrounded day and night by stressful situations in ministry and serious issues in the house, financial stress, constant moving for ministry, etc.
In fact, I had just burned out completely.
Not only had we neglected our communication and intimacy, but we could not even point to one thing we did for fun together – not one! Today we know we like to go for drives together explore new places, have picnics at the park, watch movies and go bowling for fun.
We are still finding out fun things to do together as a couple but we are a lot more aware of our need to go out just the two of us and have fun, laugh, and connect! Lately, we started to use Wednesday nights, when we drop our kids off at Awana, to go for a date at a coffee shop and we truly enjoy it.
We have to keep things on budget living on one income and we don’t have family around to babysit our kids, so having a date while kids are out for an activity is the way to go for us. Date nights keep the marriage communication and connection going and this leads to more intimacy.
Marriage Communication Tip #3 – Have weekly meetings to talk about the problems and the solutions.
Do not, I repeat, do not use your date nights to talk about your problems! Date nights are for having fun together only, not to talk about your issues.
To talk about problems and build a purposeful meaningful relationship, set a weekly family business meeting with your spouse, where you can discuss your finances, kids discipline, marriage issues, etc.
Once a week put a movie on for the kids or wait until they go to bed, grab a cup of coffee or tea, bring in some cookies and go over the things you both believe need a solution. This is how couples can communicate better. Keep fun time fun and be prepared to have time for harder issues.
These meetings help couples to make decisions together and to stay on the same page.
Marriage Communication Tip #4 – Pray for your husband and marriage!
I could not finish this blog post without talking about the power of praying for your husband and marriage!
It is your duty as a godly wife to cover your spouse and your marriage in prayer daily.
Here are 10 Things you can pray for your husband and marriage daily:
Pray with your spouse as often as you can, but also, pray for your husband by laying your hands when he is asleep and pray for him in the mornings when he is on his way to work. My kids and I used to stretch our hands and pray a blessing over daddy every time we drove by his work.
Speak the Word of God over your marriage and thank God that what He has joined together no man can separate. Declare that your marriage is for the glory of God because it is! When your marriage communication is strong, your marriage is strong and it testifies to others.
Download here a free 14 Scripture cards set for praying for your husband and marriage and see that Prayer is a key for how to fix communication problems in marriage.
Sister, be intentional to learn how to fix communication problems in marriage!
No, communication problems in marriage will not last forever. There is hope in Christ! Hope for your marriage. You do what you can on the natural and God will do what only He can do on the supernatural. Three years ago I was about to leave my husband, I felt hopeless and lonely. I was sick, weak and ready to through in the towel but the Holy Spirit helped me not give up!
It took a wake up call from God to see why Communication in Marriage was important
- Lack of communication in marriage leads to divorce
- Broken communication brings disconnection & division
- Lack of communication brings a lack of intimacy
Using these 4 Marriage communication tools changed everything:
- Weekend marriage retreat to get on the same page
- Regular fun date nights
- Weekly meetings to talk about problems
- Becoming a Prayer Warrior Wife
Today we have a marriage stronger than ever because we learned how to fix communication problems in marriage. We walk together on the same page in all areas of our marriage and we restored communication and intimacy. Through the works God has done in our marriage, we can help other couples to overcome their struggles and be victorious!
Don’t give up! Instead, give everything to make your marriage a great witness of God’s power in your life, in Jesus’ name!
Hi. I’m Ana, the unrushed homeschooling mom of 3, wife, pastor and Certified Health Coach, mompreneur and blogger. I am a proud Sonlight Curriculum ambassador, Illustrated Faith Bible journaling addicted and a messenger of the Good News! I love to encourage, inspire and empower moms to go from stressed to blessed one day at a time.
If you enjoyed this you will love these other posts:
- Improve Communication in Marriage with I Statements
- Words of Affirmation are the Best Gift for My Husband
- How to Have Difficult Conversations in Marriage