When I (Beth Kelly) first met my husband I had an instant attraction. There was a charisma and lighthearted joy about him that was magnetic to me. Discovering that the feeling was mutual was a heart-pounding, sparks producing, floating on air kind of time. I was finishing my degree back then, and in-between studies we’d connect every chance we could to get to know each other more and discover who the other was. It was exciting and effortless to grow our friendship and relationship. Do you remember that season of your relationship?
The rest is history.
He proposed after a few years, and we married not long after. I’d love to be able to say, “We lived happily ever after”, but we didn’t. We hit a few big bumps in the road and let our guard down, and the enemy seeped in to create distance. We made our way back with God, a lot of coaching, and a new approach.
Keeping the fireworks going in marriage can seem like a daunting task, but with this simple plan (originally shared by our pastor), it’s totally do-able!
The 1x1x1 principle to Connect in a Christian Marriage
This simple plan is an effective way to keep the fireworks going in marriage. It’s all about being intentional with 1:1 time with your spouse. When we do this we can Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage.
If we’re not intentional in sewing the seeds of a strong Christian Marriage, we will never reap the joyful harvest of one.
Galatians 6:7 for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
There are three times to carve out for one on one time (thus the 1x1x1).
1x Face to Face Time to Connect Daily
This means creating and committing to a time each day that you and your spouse can meaningfully connect with actual eye contact and conversation in the day today. This could be for as short as ten minutes, but done daily can have a gradual and lasting positive impact, and bond that will aid in keeping the fireworks going in marriage.
1x Face to Face Time to Connect Weekly
Meaning: date night! Once a week make sure to get it on the calendar and commit to making meaningful time creating memories together, and strengthening your bond.
Do young children become your excuse to skip Date Night? Consider trading babysitting with another couple who’d also benefit from some time together. If this isn’t an option for you, aim to get the kids to bed earlier and order your favorite take-out together!
- Enjoy a board game/card game or just good conversation with each other.
- Put away your cell phones/computers etc to ensure your spouse is receiving your undivided attention.
Making time to do this weekly will be vital to keeping the fireworks going and Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage.
Is Joy missing in your life? Need a guide to help get it back? I’d love to give you this Free 30 Day Reading Guide to help.
1x Face To Face Time to Connect Yearly.
Sit down together to schedule (yes get it on the calendar!) a yearly time together. This could be anything:
- A marriage retreat
- A quiet weekend getaway
- That dream vacation
- Even a stay-cation.
Whatever you choose to do together get it scheduled. This gives a couple something to look forward to, recharges the marriage, AND, infuses the marriage with new joyful memories.
Check out the Marriage Anniversary Evaluation Worksheet in the HopeJoyInChrist Shop to give you tips and ideas about goal setting, dreaming and evaluating the year you’re celebrating!
Quality time together is a gift you can give your marriage that will bless you for years to come.
For those who are reading this and thinking- it’s too late for us. He’s already one foot out the door. I want to encourage you that sometimes all it takes is starting with easing into the daily 1×1 time.
It could be intentionally making sure you’re giving your spouse your undivided attention and eye contact at least 5-10 minutes each day and really actively listening to what they have to say.
Sometimes that genuine interest and respect is just the icebreaker a couple needs to start healing the divide and begin to restore.
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment? We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
We just finished a 31 day Series to help us Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Christian Marriage. Get the articles Free in this downloadable e-Book. And Be sure to check out the Wives Only FB Group where Christian Wives chose Hope and Joy in every Season
Beth writes at Blogging For Her, an online ministry for wives in a hurting marriage. She is a certified Biblical life and Marriage Breakthrough Coach, and Co-Leader of a WorldWide Secret facebook group for wives standing for their marriages. She is passionate about encouraging and equipping wives in Jesus as they face stormy seas in their marriage.
I need to be more intentional about how I show my husband love and speak through what I do for his love language.
I agree. This is an area I need to do better as well Beverly! Praying now for all of us to be intentional!
What a burden to place on couples who are likely already struggling. I’ve been married for a lot of years and my husband and I are happier and more in love today than we were the day we wed. Never got away together for a weekend, marriage retreat or other such thing. No fancy, expensive, or kid-free date nights every week.
Prioritize your spouse and your marriage. Get off The screens and be present with one another. The things in this post will not save your marriage, and not doing these things will not doom your marriage. Follow after Jesus. Invest in your marriage. Be present with your spouse.
But it doesn’t have to be weekly date nights and yearly weekend getaways.
I hear what you are saying, Sarah. Thought it’s not meant to be a burden, just an idea to help those who are searching for ways to bring Joy back to their Marriage. And no 1 thing with fix a broken Marriage, but piece by piece we can encourage one another to do better. I Love that your marriage is strong and you have been so intentional in it! What an example for us to follow. The idea to put the technology down is one that will absolutely make a world of difference for so many of us!
Each day this month we are sharing ideas – not rules by any means – just ideas to help us all find ways that fit our lives and season – and Reclaim Joy. My prayer is that 1 idea will encourage a wife. I am also praying that it brings us together as a community as we share what has worked and what hasn’t worked… so thank you so much for that! 😉
I love these ideas! We absolutely get “too busy” and don’t prioritize our marriages as we should. I appreciate these ideas because I’m always looking for a “starting point” and this is a great one! Seems so simple, too!!
Thanks, Beth! Thanks for hosting, Tiffany!!
I loved the idea to! Beth you rocked this!
I want to try to implement the once a day eye contact. My husband works swing shift so we have very little time together.
Love how you are being intentional Judith!