How long have you been married? Do you ever evaluate the state of your Marriage together?
Today marks 14 years since Bud and I said “I do”. Some of those years were amazing while others were very bad. An anniversary is the perfect time to look back on the state of the year that has passed – evaluate, plan and dream about the year to come.
By looking back, we can see what went well and what could be better. When we are honest about this, we can dream together!
Proverbs 14: 15 The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.
This week we have been looking back – giving thought to our steps. A reader mentioned having a State of the Union and I thought that would be a fun idea (But I couldn’t find anything about it online so we made it up as we went!).
Hubby and I thought through these 6 areas of our marriage and broke it down as below- with his permission I am sharing it with you.
First let me add that we planned a quiet time alone to talk through them. We prayed before and tried to be kind about how we answered in each area.
Marriage State of the Union – Evaluating the Overall Health of our Relationship:
We thought about criteria to rate our overall Relationship Health and decided on the following areas.
Communication in our Christian Marriage:
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
- Are the majority of our words critical or encouraging?
- As the wife – am I showing Respect, Appreciation and Admiration with my words?
- As the husband – is he showing love, security and appreciation with his words?
Are we being intentional to communicate each day?
Some ideas that came from our talk:
- Have a time without electronics each day.
- Sit at the table to eat dinner each night
How can we improve the way we communicate each day?
- Spend some time in prayer about it.
- Protect our time better so we are not as rushed and admitted.
- Be more intentional about planning ways to appreciate each other.
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment?
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Intimacy in our Christian Marriage:
Being parents with small children really puts a strain on this area in our life. We did not score so well here – but these are the things we talked about.
- How often do we have sex vs how often we would prefer to have sex?
- Are we adding fun into this time or has it become a routine?
- What are some ideas to make it more fun and satisfying for each other?
- How often are we touching each other – without sex as the end goal?
Fun together in our Christian Marriage:
Proverbs 15:13 A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.
Are we enjoying life together, having fun in this Marriage?
How have we done planning dates this pasts year?
Which dates went well, which failed?
What can we do better this coming year?
A fun idea is to use Date Night Jars to always have a fun idea on hand. So he’s going to write some ideas that seem fun and adventurous to him and I will write some ideas that seem fun and romantic for me. *
Need Some Date Night inspiration? Check out these posts I’ve found online!
Finances in our Christian Marriage:
Luke 14:28-30 For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’
Finances have been a stress in our world for years, but a few years ago we got on the same page. We went through Financial Peace University and are finally Debt Free! This is the first year we have not dreaded dreaming about our finances.
How did we do following our Financial plan last year – Killed it!!!!!!!!!
What is next in our journey?
How can we work toward that goal?
Specifically we talked about way what each of us want to do with finances this year. There was some give and take (compromise) and we are dreaming!
- Homeschool Financial Planning
- House Repairs and Maintenance planning
- Car repairs and maintenance planning
- Retirement savings and investment planning
Parenting in our Christian Marriage:
This is still an area where we struggle… We are evaluating where we on the same page in Parenting and where we need to be more intentional.
- Have we set clear rules and consequences?
- If not, let’s set some.
- Are we being consistent following through about the discipline in our home?
- What is tripping us up in this area?
- Is there a consistent time each day we are discipline our children?
- If not, let’s make a realistic plan.
- Are we taking time consistently to be one on one with each of our kids?
- Is there fun in our relationship to balance the structure of discipleship?
- What fun things can we plan over the next year?
Spiritual Growth in our Christian Marriage:
Colossians 1:9-10 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;
- Where are we each individually with our relationship with God?
- Are we both having a consistent quiet time?
- How is our individual prayer life?
- Are we making time to study the word together?
- What can we plan to do over the next year?
These are just some of the things we worked through in our Yearly Marriage State of the Union. It created such intimacy and connection I know we will do it more than Once a year!
If This is something you would like to use in your marriage, download this Free Check list!
And be sure to check out the Marriage Evaluation Worksheet Printable Pack for an easy to use Template for this Yearly, or even quarterly look at how your Marriage is going (A Marriage Check in if you will) in the HopeJoyInChrist Shop.
Do you spend time looking back each year in your Marriage? I’d love to know what that looks like!