When your marriage is on the brink, godly women will often give counter-cultural advice. ” Don’t worry about what your husband is doing. Chase after Jesus instead.” But what does that mean anyway?
A few years ago I found myself in the shoes of a wife newly separated.
My world was crashing around me as I (Beth Kelly) helplessly watched my dreams for my marriage and family shatter. I experienced heartbreak so deep I can only compare it to immense grief. I could literally feel the weight of the situation sitting right on my chest, with little room for a full breath.
Every day I prayed for my prodigal husband to return. Each time that he drove away, new pain welled up to my eyes and spilled out over my cheeks. When your marriage is on the brink, you will do a lot of this.
As the days and weeks went on I poured through countless articles, blogs, and books to find the answers I needed. Searching things like ‘Help for when your marriage is on the brink’ that would be the key to getting my husband to come back home.
I would try just about anything to fix our marriage.
It had become my daily obsession. I’d wake up with raw grief in the morning. By the afternoon I had a new determination to fight for my marriage.
Eventually, I hit a wall. Nothing was changing. We were still in the same exact spot as when we separated. I got to a scary realization that when your marriage is on the brink to this extent, its impossible to fix on your own. I started to feel hopeless, powerless and utterly defeated.
Reaching out to my godly girlfriends with my frustrations and tears about my situation, I asked:
“Would he ever come to his senses? Will he ever come home? Would he ever love me again? Could I do more? What should I do? “
To which they replied, “Let go of your husband, and chase Jesus instead. Focus on Jesus right now and your walk with him.”
Initially I was quite put off by this statement. Here I thought, “Chase Jesus? Aren’t they listening? Let go of my husband? Letting go of my husband is the opposite of what I want to do! I want him to come home!”
But the more I tried to save my marriage on my own, the further apart we became. When your marriage is on the brink it is a deflating and heartbreaking experience.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
The day my husband told me he had signed a lease on a town home crushed me. This was a definite sign he wasn’t coming home anytime soon. The anguish I experienced was so deep my bones hurt. I didn’t know I could ever feel so broken.
That night as I lie on my pillow looking out the window at the sky I realized I had no other option. I had to let him go and chase Jesus.
Jesus was the only hope to heal my heart.
Jesus was the only one who had the power to move this mountain. If God willed it. I had to start trusting that his plan for me was the only thing I could do.
That night I prayed to God.
“Lord you know how much I’m hurting. You know how much I miss my husband and want my family back together. But God I’m so scared. I’m praying every day for restoration. I also trust that ultimately if the outcome isn’t as I desire, that it is your will and for my good.”
And I let him go.
A few more months went by with minimal contact. The exception was meeting our children’s needs and any bills we needed to discuss. When your marriage is on the brink of the end this is no easy task. I did my best to chase Jesus every day and to walk humbly with him. Even when I thought my husband didn’t “deserve” god honoring treatment.
Why did I choose to keep pressing on? I longed for God to re-write my story into something beautiful. God Honors obedience in my everyday ways.
After a while longer things started to change!
During our regular necessary interactions, we were starting to joke around more and laugh together. We began to share stories of what was going on in our lives. There were times we were generally demonstrating a gentleness that was missing for so long. These positive interactions built slowly over time and the rest is history. We went through a process of restoration. It caused us to be incredibly strong, but also humble, and kind. We are a completely different couple than before.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
I believe God did just that when I was at the end of my own strength and let my husband go.
I surrendered my ways to gods will because I just didn’t have the power to change the situation on my own. That’s when God’s power stepped in as I trusted his plan for my life, and was obedient to his biblical instruction.
One year ago I started writing to encourage others who are now going through this. I started a secret group for wives to have a safe place to come and be lifted up in a sisterhood of women who understand. Years ago I would never be able to even fathom where I am today. I am able to encourage hundreds of women world-wide daily with Christ’s love for us.
God has good plans for our lives, and with hope for a better tomorrow.
When your Marriage is on the brink you don’t have to be alone.
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment to your Marriage? We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
We just finished a 31 day Series to help us Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Christian Marriage. Get the articles Free in this downloadable e-Book. And Be sure to check out the Wives Only FB Group where Christian Wives chose Hope and Joy in every Season
I am so thankful Beth -that you have the grace to share your testimony! That is an inspiration and a motivation to keep pressing into Jesus even when it seems Hopeless!
You can find Beth at MyInnerRepunzel.com where where she is keeping her eyes on Jesus where our true hope lies, no matter the circumstance or outcome.
Beth writes at Blogging For Her, an online ministry for wives in a hurting marriage. She is a certified Biblical life and Marriage Breakthrough Coach, and Co-Leader of a WorldWide Secret facebook group for wives standing for their marriages. She is passionate about encouraging and equipping wives in Jesus as they face stormy seas in their marriage.
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