What happens when a difficult season of an unhappy marriage turns into a difficult marriage headed straight for divorce? Statistics show that 1 out of every 2 marriages ends in divorce even when you are trying your hardest to be a godly wife. For many, this road begins in separation and many of you have asked me a hard question. Is There Hope for My Marriage After Separation?
We’ve emailed back and forth talking and praying to ask God how to save my marriage during separation and how to reconcile after a separation. Today Beth Kelly from My Inner Rapunzel will share some Hope for the Separated from her own story.
Is There Hope for My Marriage After Separation? Hope for the Separated from My Story
A few years ago I found myself in the shoes of a wife newly separated.
My world was crashing around me as I (Beth Kelly) helplessly watched my dreams for my marriage and family shatter. I experienced heartbreak so deep I can only compare it to immense grief. I could literally feel the weight of the situation sitting right on my chest, with little room for a full breath.
Every day I prayed for my prodigal husband to return. Each time he drove away, new pain welled up to my eyes and spilled out over my cheeks. When your marriage is on the brink of divorce, you will do a lot of this.
I asked, “Is there hope for my marriage after separation?“
This is NOT How to rebuild our marriage during a separation
As the days and weeks went on I poured through countless articles, blogs, and books to find the answers I needed. Searching things like ‘Help for when your marriage is on the brink of divorce‘ or how to rebuild our marriage during a separation, that would be the key to getting my husband to come back home.
I would try just about anything to fix my marriage.
It had become my daily obsession. I’d wake up with raw grief in the morning. By the afternoon I had a new determination to fight for my marriage.
Eventually, I hit a wall. Nothing was changing. We were still in the same exact spot as when we separated. I got to a scary realization that when your marriage is on the brink of divorce to this extent, with separation in marriage, it’s impossible to fix on your own. I started to feel hopeless, powerless and utterly defeated.
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Hope for the Seperated can come from godly friends
Reaching out to my godly girlfriends with my frustrations and tears about my situation, I asked:
“Would he ever come to his senses? Will he ever come home? Would he ever love me again? Could I do more? What should I do? Is There Hope for My Marriage After Separation?”
They replied, “Let go of your husband and chase Jesus instead. Focus on Jesus right now and your walk with him. Learn how to work on yourself during a separation”
Initially, I was quite put off by this statement. Here I thought, “Chase Jesus? Aren’t they listening? Let go of my husband? Letting go of my husband is the opposite of what I want to do! I want him to come home! I need hope for the separated spouse”
But the more I tried to save my marriage on my own, the further apart we became. When your marriage is on the brink of divorce and you are asking ‘Is there hope for my marriage after separation?’ it is a deflating and heartbreaking experience.
Is There Hope for My Marriage After Separation? Yes there is Hope for the Separated Spouse Share on X“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12 NASB)
A Powerful Prayer for Marriage Restoration
The day my husband told me he had signed a lease on a townhome crushed me. This was a definite sign he wasn’t coming home anytime soon. The anguish I experienced was so deep my bones hurt. I didn’t know I could ever feel so broken. The answer to my question ‘Is there hope for my marriage after separation?’ seemed to be No.
That night as I lie on my pillow looking out the window at the sky I realized I had no other option. I had to let my husband go and chase Jesus.
Jesus was the only hope to heal my heart: Hope for the Separated Spouse.
Jesus was the only one who had the power to move this mountain – if God willed it. He alone was the only hope for the separated spouse needing her heart healed. I had to start trusting that HIS plan for me was the only thing I could do.
That night I prayed a powerful prayer for marriage restoration to God.
“Lord you know how much I’m hurting. You know how much I miss my husband and want my family back together. But God I’m so scared. I’m praying every day for restoration. Daily I’m asking you ‘Is there hope for my marriage after separation?’. I also trust that ultimately if the outcome isn’t as I desire, that it is your will and for my good.”
And I let my husband go.
Need Help Making Sense of Boundaries when Separated?
Are you separated and fighting for your marriage?
Are you getting all kinds of advice from every direction?
Hi, I’m Beth, writer at Blogging for Her, Certified Biblical Life Coach & Marriage Breakthrough Coach, and creator of Making Sense of Boundaries When Separated.
Not too many years ago I was in your exact shoes.
I searched and signed up for every resource I could to save my marriage.
It was heartbreaking to watch my family fall apart! I was determined to learn everything I could to help us get to restoration.
I went to counseling, saw a Christian mentor, and scoured books and articles for more information.
While I gained some great insight, truly the best teacher was the experience itself.
Years later, our marriage is restored, and I am the founder and co-leader of a growing online community of hundreds of women who are now going through similar stories on this journey. We’ve cried together, laughed together, and celebrated wins!
In this unique position, I have been able to share with others my experiences of what worked for me, and what didn’t. It has been a blessing ten times over to watch as other women in the group grow in confidence, hope, and fight for their marriages with Godly support!
I am so excited to be able to share what I’ve learned with you!
Making Sense of Boundaries When Separated was designed to teach wives how to create healthy boundaries when separated that promote reconciliation.
Communication with a spouse during separation
A few more months went by with minimal contact. The exception was meeting our children’s needs and any bills we needed to discuss. When your marriage is on the brink of divorce in separation with children involved this is no easy task. Boundaries are critical.
I did my best to chase Jesus every day and to walk humbly with him. Even when I thought my husband didn’t “deserve” god-honoring treatment I chose to follow God’s way. Communication with a spouse during separation is tough but showing respect and kindness go a long way.
Why did I choose to keep pressing on? I longed for God to re-write my story into something beautiful – to let us begin again after this separation. God Honors obedience in my everyday ways.
This is one of those stories of restoration after seperation.
After a while, things started to change!
During our regular necessary interactions, we were starting to joke around more and laugh together. We began to share stories of what was going on in our lives. There were times we were generally demonstrating a gentleness that was missing for so long.
These positive interactions built slowly over time and the rest is history. We went through a process of restoration. It caused us to be incredibly strong, but also humble, and kind. We are a completely different couple than before because of the way God knit this part into our combined stories of restoration after separation.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
This is one of those stories of restoration after separation. After a while, things started to change!
God restored my marriage after separation.
Yes, God came in with His grace and power just when I was at the end of my own strength and let my husband go.
I surrendered my ways to God’s will because I just didn’t have the power to change the situation on my own. That’s when God’s power stepped in as I trusted his plan for my life, and was obedient to his biblical instruction. It was God who restored my marriage after separation.
One year ago I started writing to encourage others who are now going through a separation. Others who have more questions than answers and need Hope. Does that describe you? Do you have some of these questions?
- Is marriage separation a sin?
- Wondering how to work on yourself during a separation.
- Trying to learn about praying for husband during separation.
- How to save my marriage during separation.
- What are the steps and how to reconcile after a separation?
- Is there hope for my marriage after separation?
I started a secret group for wives to have a safe place to come and be lifted up in a sisterhood of women who understand. Years ago I would never be able to even fathom where I am today. I am able to encourage hundreds of women worldwide daily with Christ’s love for us.
God has good plans for our lives, and with hope for a better tomorrow.
God restored my marriage after separation. And God came in with His grace and power just when I was at the end of my own strength and let my husband go. I surrendered my ways to God’s will because I just didn’t have the power to change the situation on my own.
Is There Hope for My Marriage After Separation? Yes there is Hope for the Separated Spouse
When your Marriage is on the brink of divorce you don’t have to be alone. There is hope for the separated through godly friends, the Christian community, and prayer. When you are struggling to answer the question ‘Is there Hope for my marriage after separation, Chase Jesus. Open the Bible and remind yourself of God’s power, God’s promises, and God’s faithfulness. There is Hope and there is Help for those who seek it out.
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Beth writes at Blogging For Her, an online ministry for wives in a hurting marriage. She is a certified Biblical life and Marriage Breakthrough Coach, and Co-Leader of a WorldWide Secret facebook group for wives standing for their marriages. She is passionate about encouraging and equipping wives in Jesus as they face stormy seas in their marriage.
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Thank you Beth I found you on pinterest, just at the right moment. I am going threw marriage problems with my husband of 14 yrs & it seems like I am the only one trying to work this out. I find all I read from you very helpful. Thank you so much.
Hi Leticia! You are so welcome! Thank you so much for reaching out, you are so not alone in this all though I know it feels like it! I am so glad you are finding helpful information, thats always my goal <3
God Bless, lifting you up in prayer!
My wife has filed for divorce because of the things I’ve done, she has also made me move out and started dating in just a few weeks of that, Your topic I just read is exactly what I’m doing. I turned my marriage over to him and I’m finding myself within the father. I struggle with it daily but he reassures me that he has it. I want my wife to let me come back. I also know that it’s in his hands and it will happen when the time is right. I pray daily and several times a day for it to happen. Thank you for the topic
Oh, Kevin, I am so sorry to hear how far things have gone. I love that God is just 1 prayer away and has the ability to raise dead things to life. I am praying and believing that for you an for your marriage today!
I definitely believe that if people are meant to be together, they will get through anything. My husband and I split before we got married, but it’s what made us both realize we couldn’t live without each other.
I love that, such a pivotal moment in a relationship to realize you really want to be together.
I definitely think that separation can be good for some people. My husband and I split up before we got married and it was then that we realized that we couldn’t live without each other.
It can be really helpful for sure to sort out a lot of things.
I am hopeful that this post will help someone through a tough time.
Thanks, Bella. That is our hope as well 😉
Thank you for sharing your story of hope! Marriage is so hard. My husband and I have been going through a rough patch. We’ve been married for 10 years, have two kiddos, including one with special needs, and we move a lot for his job. We’re fighting for our marriage, but boy is it hard sometimes! I am so grateful that we have Jesus!
Hi Tiffany & Beth. Thanks for linking up your post with Grace & Truth. I have chosen it as my feature this week…but I’d love it if you had a link back to one of us hosts if you wouldn’t mind. Thanks.
How exciting. Tell me how to do that and I’ll get it done 😉
One guy commented and the author didn’t respond. I’m a husband and wife is the one who wants a divorce. We are separated. I find too many forums where woman seem to be the only victims. It would be wise for the author to balance our marriage troubles by using both male and female examples.
Hi John, Sorry that I missed your earlier comment. My spam filter can be overly helpful. You are 100% correct that these issues affect both husbands and wives. I often wonder why there are not more forums for seeing things from the husband’s perspective. As a woman, I can only speak to this side. But I can say Gary Thomas is one that speaks well to both sides – http://www.garythomas.com/what-we-need-most-from-marriage/. Jimmy Evans is another that gives great Biblical counsel for both – but from a male perspective – https://marriagetoday.com/marriagehelp/ten-marriage-decisions-make-today/. The team at the Unveiled Wife offer both sides and I particularly love their podcast so you can listen on the go – https://unveiledwife.com/marriage-god-podcast/
I am praying for you in this situation. I realize this post was from the perspective of a wife working through separation, but the principles are the same. Boundaries, Counseling, Prayer and Patience go a long way.