I married my best friend almost twelve years ago. He was the wonderful guy of my dreams. I just didn’t know it at the time.
Until you get in and get your hands dirty in Marriage, you live by an ideal of how it is going to turn out. Often times, as little girls, we dream of the prince on the white horse. He caters to our needs and is arm candy. All the while he spoils us rotten and loves us endlessly. Maybe as our hair blows in the wind, we gallop off into the sunset together.
Our fantasy isn’t reality or a realistic expectation to put on our mate.
I learned 3 great things that make a marriage wonderful
-None of them include a white horse or our hair blowing in the wind.
Our first year of marriage was difficult. My older sister recognized that and said, “If you don’t do something differently this isn’t going to work.”
She gave me a small booklet to read on marriage. I don’t remember what the book was called. There was one word, however, that stood out to me – Respect.
I realized the biggest problem in our marriage was that I didn’t respect my husband.
Every time he tried to do something, I would rip the rug out from underneath him and tell him it wasn’t right.
The truth was his way wasn’t wrong. It just wasn’t done like I would have done it -and that is okay.
I have always prided myself on being independent.
My pride, was a total hang-up. I thought I could do everything myself. Also, I thought I had all the right answers for things to go well.
I know that sounds egotistical but it is the pride that we carry deep inside of us. That pride will always cause us to struggle in relationships -especially marriage.
That is exactly what God did. He created a helpmate for the man.
The woman was NOT created to be a:
- A pushy-pants
- An overseer
The woman was created as a helpmate! One to stand beside him.
Standing beside him means respecting him, his decisions and who God created him to be. It requires a conscience and intentional mindset. One that takes continual respect every day.
In turn, when my husband got the respect he needed and deserved, he was free to love me well. I was no longer undermining his decisions, his thoughts, and every…single…thing…he…did.
Respect makes a Marriage Wonderful
2. A Braided Cord
During this time, my husband started depending on God more. As my husband began developing his own relationship with God, he was able to encourage me in my walk.
Nothing is more important than this in a Christian Marriage. God must be at the center of your marriage. Him must be the third strand in your braided cord.
I became a believer when I was a young girl, although I spent most of my youth and my young adult life walking far from God.
My husband helped me turn that around.
As his relationship with the Lord grew and we began discussing what he was studying, our relationship grew.
God became the center of our thoughts and many of our conversations. It made us stronger. It made us better as believers and as husband and wife.
Loving as a Braided cord makes a Marriage Wonderful
3. Love in Action
About a month ago, I agreed to write this article on marriage. My marriage isn’t perfect but there are several things that I feel like we do well. I would love share them, if it would encourage someone.
As I began thinking about what I was going to write, things started getting weird.
My husband started acting not quite himself.
I was wondering how I was going to pull this marriage post off.
Then I realized a couple of important things.
- When you are living for the Lord, you are prone to attacks.
I had asked my husband what was going on.
I was getting frustrated
Cross with my remarks
And quite honestly not loving
But having God at the center allowed me to recognize this.
I called my husband at work, told him I was writing this post, prayed for us, and told him I believe we were under attack. Satan made his attempts at stopping me and it temporarily worked.
- The power between us and in us is greater than the power that is in this world.
- Christ can overcome those attacks and He will.
All of that led me to this and this is what we continue to walk in day to day.
Love does not depend on my circumstance. My attitude. My feelings. The pitter patter of my heart.
Love is an action.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
If you skimmed over those verses because you have read or heard them a thousand times, go back and read them sloooooowly.
Those are all action words. They are not feelings that change with the tide or seasons in life. Each action requires a conscious decision every day.
When marriage gets tough it takes effort in putting these actions into force.
Sometimes more effort than others. But your marriage is worth it!
Putting God at the center of your marriage, respecting your mate, and choosing to actively love them changes everything. It is God’s plan and design not only for marriage but for how we live for Him.
When we Show Love through action it becomes a Wonderful work of God’s art.
Before you go, take time to reflect.
What are one or two things from the list of “Love” (1 Corinthians 13) that you can do today to show your spouse how much you love them?
Thanks for joining me today.
Thanks for being so transparent and vulnerable Jaime!
We are in a 30 day Series called Reclaiming Hope & Joy in Your Marriage
Here are a few of the Articles so Far:
Chase Jesus When Your Marriage Is on the Brink
Marriage Communication: Why & How to Restore It
How To Face An Empty Nest And Renew Your Marriage
4 Marriage Secrets so You Never Say That Dirty “D” Word
1 Thing to Never allow to Rule Your Marriage
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