From the outside, our marriage seemed like everything was fine. It always does right?!?!?! I bet you know someone who is divorced and through the whole process you just shook your head. She never mentioned they had problems. He seemed to be just fine. You asked them every week “How are you?”. They answered, “Fine”, “I’m fine”, or “We’re fine.”
Hey, don’t get me wrong, sometimes things are fine but, sometimes we need help with our marriage issues.
What do we say when things are not fine and we need help to fix our marriage?
Do you have real – intimate – friendships where “I’m fine” just won’t cut it? Or do you feel hopeless wondering “Who can I talk to about my Marriage?”
Does anyone know the real you enough to ask deeper questions?
Our society tends toward the superficial so much so that “I’m fine” is the normal answer… Even within the church. So much that our first action is to look for Marriage Counseling books or online advice on relationship problems – even online relationship counseling. We will google it before we will talk about it in real life! Or was that just me? I can’t tell you how many times I asked Google:
- How can I solve my marriage problems?
- How can I save my Marriage by myself?
- What are the most common Marriage problems and solutions?
- How do you have a difficult conversation with your husband?
That is the way of it. How I wish the church were a safe place to be real about our real – every day – common – everybody – problems!
The truth about Marriage (even a Christian Marriage) is that we all:
- Fight and need to learn how to resolve conflict
- Have good years, bad years and season in between where we need real marriage advice
- We all get sad sometimes and need someone to talk to
Knowing all of that, we still sit in the pew on Sunday and are suddenly “Fine”! So much in our lives – within the church – could be healed, whole and holy if only we were honest about our real struggles!
James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
There is healing in confession. We can pray for each other when we are transparent!
This is true in every relationship, but especially in a Christian Marriage. Marriage should be a picture of Christ’s relationship with the body of Christ. That marriage (and all its struggles) is about something bigger – it has a Kingdom purpose!
The World Needs Christian Wives to Stop Being Fine and be real
There are at least 4 amazing Reasons to be real about our Marriage struggles:There are at least 4 amazing Reasons to be real about our Marriage struggles Click To Tweet
1. We are not the only one struggling in that area.
- When we share, it frees others to be honest as well.
- We can find help for our marriage trouble and heal together
2. We are not the only one who has struggled in that area.
- When we bring it to light -it allows others – farther along the journey -to speak life into our pain! They may seem to have a healthy marriage, but it is healthy today because they already went through the hard parts.
- Healing comes when we are real – they won’t know to speak if we are “fine”.
- We are not the only one feeling like the only one struggling with marital problems.
- It frees our spirit to know we are not as messed up and damaged as the enemy would have us believe!
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB) No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
3. We have to stop giving that slick snake space in our mind to lie to us Y’all!
- When we speak out about the real marriage problems in our life we silence his lies.
- It can be as simple as saying “I need a marriage counselor.” or “I need to know how to fix my marriage.”
- And bam – it’s out there and he has no ammunition left!
4. We are not alone in the struggling!
- Others would gladly walk with us and offer us some marriage coaching (maybe dinner with them once a month to talk about the real things) Just talking through things can help. What things?
- God is always walking with us heal us and use our transparency and weakness to help others and be glorified in the light.
When we are real – we have a greater witness!
The world has real struggles too. They need to see how Jesus can heal their hurts. If we hide ours, they can’t see God healing us.
God can heal all those areas you struggle in. Just like He can heal the struggles in the World. Let’s live in the light so God can be Big in our lives and in the world around us!
So can I ask, Dear Wife, How are you today?
Me… today has been a good day, but many are not. Pray for me as I pray for you. God has this battle. Be sure to give someone permission to ask deeper and not allow “I’m fine” to be the answer.
When you stop covering up the problems in your marriage you can get help save your marriage. Can we all make that commitment today?
in HIS love,
Do You Need To Go Deeper?
This is part of the 9-week Marriage Bible Study –Finding Hope & Joy in Marriage. Through this course, we will explore the 9 Biblical foundations of having a successful marriage in God’s way.
This class will include:
- 10 video lessons
- You can watch live or when you have time
- 9 weeks of personal study
- 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
- A private Facebook Group to discuss the homework and talk through the weekly challenges
- 45 Days of Prayer prompts
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