Most of us – if we are honest – are dreaming of a happily ever after. We expect marriage to lead to that fairy-tale ending in life. Happiness in Marriage is the goal. But what does the Bible say about happiness in marriage? To help us answer that question today is Jen Weaver
Why ask, “What Does the Bible Say About Happiness in Marriage?”
I (Jen Weaver*) thought married life would be more than this. I thought it would be full of happiness.
Has that phrase ever crossed your mind or spilled from your lips? I know it has mine.
My premarital daydreams featured fairy-tale moments and sweeping gestures worthy of Romantic Comedy scenes. While I knew that daily life included mundane tasks, monotony, and opportunities for perseverance—those weren’t the realities I focused on.
Even further, I couldn’t fathom the loneliness of what I call relationship winters. Those seasons of missed connection when your marriage can’t seem to rekindle its warmth. And as I faced those things I began asking God ‘What does the Bible say about happiness in marriage?’
What does the Bible say about happiness in marriage? Happiness in marriage is about turning my attention to God’s voice, His provision, and His instruction for my life. Share on X
God’s Plan for Marriage
I’m blessed with an incredible godly husband and a happy marriage. But before I get to all the good stuff, please know that I relate to hard times, too. Whether your current wifely experience radiates bliss, or you’re bundled up praying for spring, I bring exciting news.
The Lord God has good in store for us and He wants to do good in our marriages.
God makes every promise in Scripture available to His daughters. Things like these Bible verses to save marriage:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NASB)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
And I know that the commonly felt desire we describe as “happiness” actually relates to deeper heart needs.
“For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations.” (Psalm 100:5 NASB)
God’s Plan For Marriage Involves 4 Things:
That’s right, when we look into God’s Word, we see a plan for the healthy marriage of a married couple walking with the Lord. From the beginning of creation, the eyes of the Lord have watched over and protected His children. Why would it be different for Christian marriages?
So, what is the plan for a good marriage in the sight of God?
- Unity
- Security
- Safety
- Love
Unity
“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3 NASB)
There are different roles for each of us in the Body of Christ as well as in marriage.
In other places, the Word of God tells us God is the head of the Church as the husband is the head of the wife. However, even though there are a variety of rolls, is to be unity.
Unity comes through humility and gentleness.
Learn more about that here ~>*
Security
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the Lord, our God.” (Psalm 20:7 NASB)
As well as the unity the Apostle Paul describes in the New Testament, all fo Scripture points to a need for security. We just tend to look for security in the wrong place.
The Lord is our security.
This is especially important to remember as holy women seeking the Lord. We are called the weaker vessel as men are to love us in an understanding way and there is some truth in that statement.
We long for security. Wives, we must remember that our husbands can not be that security for us. Only the Lord can be where we place our trust!
Safety
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18 NASB)
In the same way that we look for God’s help as our security in good times and bad, we must understand the need for safety.
We tend to live struggling with a multitude of sins, and that can cause us to hurt our spouse unintentionally. Through the blood of Jesus Christ, we can walk in life by grace… the grace of life allows each other to fail, forgiving and helping each other grow.
Being a safe place for your spouse to fail is the best way to show God’s love.
Is it hard work?
Absolutely.
Will there be tough times when sin in our own life rises up out of a lack of self-control?
After years of marriage, we lack romantic love and struggle to show Christ’s love…
As human beings, we must remember to invite the Holy Spirit into the center of our marriage. The power of God works through the Holy Spirit to lead us into a successful marriage.
Love
“Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14 NASB)
Love is a key to reaping a good reward in your marriage. God loves us and calls us to love others. This can be a struggle when we live as sinners, day after day, year after year.
Learn more about how to show 1 Corinthians Love here ~>
Sexual Relationships
When we speak of love in marriage, often the questions are about the marriage bed.
Remember, the sexual relationship within marriage is a blessing. This is to grow intimacy as well as to bring pleasure. But it must be handled with love and grace.
Your own bodies are not your own. True happiness comes with selfless love in this area.
Learn more about Sex in a Christian marriage here ~>*
Also, we can talk about the ground of sexual immorality here ~>*
Trust In the Lord
All of those are good things that God wants to give us.
But when it came to my happiness as a wife, I spent too much time focusing on external things I couldn’t change. How about you?
What does the Bible say about happiness in marriage?
Happiness in marriage is about turning my attention to God’s voice, His provision, and His instruction for my life.
Trusting in the Lord!
God's Plan for marriage - Happiness in Marriage - involves unity, security, safety, and love. Share on XThis post is part of a 31 days Series on Finding Hope For Marriage – Check out the entire series here or grab the posts in this FREE Marriage Devotional!
Happiness in Marriage Through Good Communication
When we are searching for Happiness in Marriage, often we realize communication is broken.
We don’t have time to cover communication in this article, but this link takes you to a Marriage Communication Class which contains:
- 10 marriage communication exercises to help couples communicate better.
- These are 10 must-know communication skills delivered through 10 lessons, 10 videos, and a printable workbook.
The Wrong Path to Happiness in Marriage For a Wife
I thought the path to happiness in marriage started with one of two statements:
- If only my husband would …
- If, as a couple, we could …
And right there, I missed the secret.
Yes, there are things a happy husband can improve upon. And it’s always great when a couple can get on the same page to work on their marriage together. But as wives, sometimes we underestimate a vital way we contribute to our own happiness.
Change in Marriage
How we live as wives can produce a drastic change in our marriages independent of what our own husbands do.
Please hear me, I’m not discounting the role our husbands play in developing healthy marriages. But here’s the struggle I found going on in my own mind. I viewed myself as a strong brave woman—and rightly so.
- Resilient.
- Hard-working.
- Resourceful.
- Daughter of the King of Kings.
Proverbs 31:1-12 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
And then it’d come to an issue in my marriage:
- Well, only if Jared fixes that …
- I think I could do better there, but we really need work on this together …
What Does the Bible Say About Happiness in Marriage? Hope & Encouragement
Friend, can I bring you some encouragement about marriage? As we answer the question ‘What does the Bible say about happiness in marriage?’ we see many truths about happiness in Christianity in general that help us in the journey.
You are the daughter of the King of Heaven. You are a strong, brave woman, and your marriage can use a demonstration of that strength through your faith.
God has things He wants to work on in your heart.
- There are changes God is prompting
- God has a new perspective that can make a marriage happy
- There are also instructions He is stirring in your spirit.
God is here with you, calling you to greater levels of trust and obedience because He wants to show off in your Marriage. Will you let Him?
A New Path
As a fellow strong brave woman, I’ve been walking a new path. A path of that leads to doing marriage God’s way as He develops the Characteristics of a Godly Wife.
God’s instructions for me as a godly wife (an excellent wife who longs to be a happy wife) seeking happiness in marriage include:
- Reaffirming my identity in Him instead of in my household role
- Calling me to reject fear and exchange it for faith
- Learning the truth about submission
- plus a whole bunch more things I’ve still yet to learn.
But I can tell you with more real-life experience than ever—God has an abundance of good in store for our marriages.
Breathe that in. A good thing for your marriage. A good return is promised for a holy woman striving to live in a Biblical marriage!
And as I draw closer to Jesus in my daily life as a wife, I’m truly discovering A Wife’s Secret to Happiness.
Is God prompting you to take on a new perspective about your marriage and the happiness you’d like to experience? I’d love to hear from you and encourage you in this journey.
Jen is a wife to Jared and mom to Dillon, and is the author of “A Wife’s Secret to Happiness.” ~A millennial female bringing a relatable voice to minister to this often underserved and unreached demographic. She offers a bold voice to commend the truth of God’s Word in a society that promotes relativism, individual truth, and the struggle for power instead of trust in the Lord’s instruction.
If you enjoyed this you would also like these Posts:
- How to Stop Controlling My Husband in a Christian Marriage
- 40-Days to Be Still and Know God More
- How to Fast and Pray in a Way that Pleases God
Thanks so much for your encouragement. I need to look more at myself and towards God and not in trying to fix my husband. Change begins with us.
Amen sister! Me too!
This is so encouraging! How I have struggled with this, especially the last 3 years or so. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
I could definitely think more positive thought and focus more on the positive attributes of my husband and marriage to work on making my marriage happier and also not letting my husbands attitude reflect on mine . More Positivity!
Right. It’s so easy to let their negative attitude or frustration with work affect us. Thinking more positive helps everyone be happier.
One of the things that the Lord has taught me, is that marriage is not about me. It is not about my happiness, it is about portraying Christ to this lost and dying world. I wrote a similar post called Marriage Is Not About You.
All so very true Angela. I’d love to read that. Shoot me the link 😉
Love this! I am definitely pinning and sharing!
Thanks, Angela and so nice to meet you!
Just this week I was thinking I needed to receive encouragement in marriage. Sometimes I’m just lazy at putting energy into it. It’s so important to remember God has a higher vision than even we do of our marriage. I’m inspired to ask the Lord for Him to help me see that.
It can be tough to focus on putting energy into our marriage. We are already together and its easy to cruise on autopilot but the enemy likes to slip in when we are not paying attention and cause trouble. Praying over you today as you lean into the Lord and see what He wants there, Amy!