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How to Make Marriage Happy: A Perspective Shift

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What makes a good marriage?  There are several elements of a successful marriage that you find consistently with couples who celebrate 50+ years.  Their stories are beautiful and inspiring but how can you copy what they’ve done when marriage is so hard?  Today Julie Holmquist will share one tip to help us learn How to Make Marriage Happy: A Perspective Shift.

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How to Make Marriage Happy: A Perspective Shift

My husband and I (Julie Holmquist) have been blessed to raise our four boys in beautiful Colorado Springs for the past five years. The view of Pikes Peak still takes my breath away.  It taught me something crucial about perspective and how to make marriage happy.

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Perspective Matters

One morning as I was driving my son to school.  He was looking back at Pikes Peak -fixated on how small the peak looked the farther we drove away.

Puzzled, he asked, “Why is Pikes Peak small now?” I told him it wasn’t smaller; it just seemed that way. It was because of something called “perspective.”

“Your perspective, the way you see something, determines if something looks bigger or smaller.”

God used that conversation to speak to my heart that morning and taught me how to make marriage happy.

Isaiah 26:3 ~ You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.  

Having the right perspective in marriage is vital to a healthy relationship.

Recently, in my marriage, God seemed small.

I was too far away from Him, and I was too focused on our problems, the stumbling blocks that kept tripping us up.

The problems that had been with us for a while seemed huge and insurmountable.  They were all I could see!  My heart was growing cold toward God because He hadn’t changed my husband the way I wanted Him to.  Ours seemed like an empty marriage.

My marriage was not thriving. We were surviving — drifting through life with barely enough to give each other at the end of the day.

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Want to know what makes a marriage work well?  A right perspective of God.

So there I was with a small God and BIG problems, at least that is how it seemed.

However, God began to work with me on adjusting my perspective–how I saw Him working in our marriage.  I wanted to know what makes a marriage work well (How to have a fruitful marriage) but God wanted to get my eyes focused on him instead of the problems.  Have you ever asked God how to make marriage happy?

As usual, God started the process by working on me first.

God gave me eyes to see what the real issue was:

  • I was going to my husband with an empty cup and asking him to fill it.

The right perspective of God reveals the hidden sin in your life

By coming, like a beggar to my husband to meet all of my needs I set him up as an idol in my life.  I set him up to fail in our marriage.  This is not how to make marriage happy (how to have a better marriage) – it makes marriage miserable!

No matter how much your husband tries to fill those empty places, he will fall terribly short.  He’s human!

To reconnect with your spouse you have to take your needs to God first, then pour love out to your husband from a full cup.

Only God can fill those places in your heart that so desperately long to be filled! Then, and only then, can you go to your husband and share with him out of the abundance of what God has given you.

Mark 10:27 Jesus looked at them and said, “with man it is impossible, but not with God.  For all things are possible with God.”

To reconnect with your spouse you have to take your needs to God first, then pour love out to your husband from a full cup. Click To Tweet

A happy married life depends on where you look

Do you see God working in your marriage? Or are you too far away to recognize His hand in it?

Sometimes God works in miraculous ways.  Other times He chooses to work in the subtle, day-to-day events of our lives.

Get closer to God, and you’ll see them. They are there!

Oh, Lord, give us eyes to see!

When problems come, I have to stop and do a heart check.  Am I drawing close to God and what His heart is for our marriage?  Or am I trying to fix things on my own by nagging, withholding sex, or pointing a blaming finger?

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

This is one of my favorite happy marriage tips

The next time troubled waters seek to engulf the two of you, take a step back. Get a fresh perspective on Who God is in your marriage!  Instead of asking Him how to make marriage happy, try this:

  • Ask God to change your heart from always seeing your husband as the problem to seeing God as the answer!
  • Focus on God’s power to change a hardened heart.
  • Remind yourself of the forgiveness He has freely given you so you can freely give it to your husband.

Every marriage has problems. But how big and powerful is God in the midst of your problems?

Luke 17:6 And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.  

The Word says that it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to effectively bring about God’s healing, restoration, and power into a marriage of two imperfect people committed to loving each other imperfectly.

The Word says that it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to effectively bring about God’s healing, restoration, and power into a marriage of two imperfect people committed to loving each other imperfectly. Click To Tweet

(God has brought healing and restoration to marriages – when only one person was committed to it.  So don’t despair if that’s you!)

How big is God in your midst?

Are you drawing closer to God? He promises He will draw close to you!

Are your marital problems looming large in your life, or have you given God room to grow in your marriage?

A Prayer for Marriage

God, my marriage is holy, set apart. We are set apart for You! Our marriage is Yours! We want You to work in the midst of our heartache and our pain. We want You to have Your way in us!

Help us to get close to You and watch You work as no one else can. Instead of seeing the tangled up mess in our relationship, help us to shift our focus to see you high and lifted up.  Remind us that You are ready and able to redeem our broken lives. May our eyes see You in the big ways and in the seemingly small ways. Give us the eyes to see!

A Perspective Shift will teach you How to Make Marriage Happy

There are two characteristics of a successful marriage that apply to today’s topic.

  1. Remember who God is, how big He is and how faithful He always is.
  2. Keep your eyes on God when marriage is hard.

That sounds so easy, but life comes in and pulls your attention back to the problems.  It’s easier to look at all the things that need to change and forget whose you are.

You are a child of the King of kings, the great creator of the universe.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  Take your big question to Him and let him remind you how to make marriage happy!

God is a BIG God in our midst! Let Him be BIG in your marriage!

 

 

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Julie Holmquist

God's Girl • Wife to Incredible Husband • Boy Mom  •  My defining moments happen every day!!!

My purpose is to create high-value content that encourages, empowers and equips you to lead full lives in Christ! Stuff of heaven intersects things of the earth every single day! In Colossians 3:2 we are encouraged to "set our minds on things above, not on earthly things."

2 thoughts to “How to Make Marriage Happy: A Perspective Shift”

  1. I found these same truths out when dealing with parenting issues with two of our children. Made a huge difference in my life when my peace began to rest upon God alone and not other people making better choices. Great post ladies!

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