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Do you ever think about what it takes to
build a fruitful marriage?
While scrolling through Facebook I saw a page promoting aid for married couples. It encouraged a weekly check-in. You would set aside one night a week to intentionally checking in together. Making your marriage and communication within your marriage a priority.
Cool idea, right? Life gets busy and if we don’t have checks in place it’s easy to push things that should be a priority to the back of our minds. It’s really easy to be complacent and start letting go of things you should be holding onto. Have you ever struggled with that?
How To Create an Abundantly Fruitful Marriage
The Problem With “Just Winging It”
It amazes me how willing we are to spend our time, money, and resources mastering things that have no eternal significance. Things that were never meant to be the meat of our lives. We spend thousands of dollars on hobbies, education and material things. Devote time developing friendships, pursuing entertainment and personal interest. But we just wing when it comes to marriage. We should be equipping ourselves. It takes a unique skill set to have a fruitful marriage. We feel we shouldn’t have to try and if for some reason we can’t figure it out on our own, we’ve failed.
You know, I don’t have the perfect marriage and I’m certainly not an “expert” on the matter. But I can tell you this much.
There is little reward in complacency.
Y’all, believe it or not, marriage DOES take work.
A fruitful marriage DOES require certain skills. An intimate, full, and lasting friendship requires investment in your marriage. You must become a student of your spouse. Your marriage is one of the greatest things in this life you could invest in. The truth is we give out best to the things we value most in this life. Marriage belongs on the top of that list.
4 Tips for Creating A Fruitful Marriage Relationship.
1. Put God First.
This is the concept: the closer the husband and wife move towards God the closer they become. When you move them down the sides of the triangle away from Christ the distance between them grows. When one is following Christ and the other is not, the distance between them is pretty grand as well.
If you want to experience marriage the way God intended, you and your husband must pursue God together;
That you both have a relationship with Him and are committed to living a life that honors Him.
If you struggle with putting God first in your marriage, here are 3 quick tips that can help you.
- Be the wife that covers her husband in prayer. Your husband may not say, feel, or know this; but He needs you to intercede for him. He needs God to walk with him as he leads you and he needs this intercession to be proactive, to come BEFORE hardship, temptation, and deception have the opportunity to sneak into his life. If you don’t know where or how to start praying for your husband, this printable “5 Ways to Pray for The Man You Love,” can get you started.
- Find a core group of women who can support you in your walk with God. This could be a woman’s group at church, a trusted friend or two, or a mentor. Having these forms of relationship in our life helps keep us encouraged, accountable, and most importantly they keep us growing in our faith and relationship with God. King Solomon hints at the importance of godly friendships in Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 where he writes, Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”
2. Learn How to Communicate.
There isn’t necessarily one “right way” to communicate within a marriage. However, there are tools that can help you understand your spouse. You can then better connect with your spouse based on their personality type and their love language. One of my favorite books, Keep Your Love On (KYLO) which covers several topics:
- How to communicate respectfully during a conflict.
- Setting boundaries to protect your marriage
- Help when you are having a hard time effectively communicating with each other
3. Nurture Your Friendship.
More often than not, it’s the friendship between a husband and wife that is wounded before the marriage is. Nurture your friendship. Be intentional about spending time together outside of marriage related tasks. Have fun! Go on dates! Make big moments out of small opportunities. I’m a wife of three, and my husband is the main provider for our family. Busy is normal for us. We have had to learn over time that we can’t neglect our friendship. We HAVE to make time for each other. Even if we don’t leave the house we can create special moments at home. Need help creating fun and special nights for the two of you at home? This kit of 365 Ways to Ignite the Spark could prove to be really helpful and tons of fun!
4. Be a Student Of Your Spouse.
Don’t ever think you know it all when it comes to your spouse. There is always something new to discover if you’re on the look out for it. Do you know your spouses Love Language? Are you putting his Love Languages to practice, showing him love in the way(s) that he best receives it? Have you talked about the things he values? Do you take an interest in the things he enjoys? Do you know how to make him laugh? What’s the one thing he could talk about for hours every time you mentioned it without fail?
A Solid Marriage Foundation
Now listen, I’m not saying that there won’t be tough days because I know there will be. But even then, in following the tips above you can create a STRONG foundation for your marriage.
- One that can endure hard times.
- Withstand the turbulence that comes with loving imperfect people in an imperfect world.
Your faithfulness will create an atmosphere where your marriage and friendship can flourish.
Foolish? No, my friend. When you take the time to honor your spouse and invest in your marriage, you build the skills necessary to keep your marriage fruitful. You show that you among the wise. You have a heart of excellence.
Today I want to challenge you. What steps are you going to take to start building a fruitful marriage relationship? I’d love to hear from you! Comment below and share your ideas!
Are you ready to take Mrs. Lo Tanner’s Challenge? Keep up with her at LoTanner.com.
Could you use more Hope and Joy in your Marriage?
Last year I invited 30 Women’s Ministry Leaders to share their Best Marriage Tips, Secrets, Encouragement along with some Free Resources to better Equip us all. I’d love to give them to you in this free E-book!
Resources to Equip us in this Biblical Wifehood
Sometimes we just need deeper, more specific Christian Marriage Resources! Some of the things that have helped me are listed on the Christian Marriage Resource List Page.
Check out this Wives only Facebook Group so we can connect better. Lets encourage and equip each other as we step into this Challenge!