There is a battle going on in the life of many Christians today to overcome pornography use or addiction. Just like we need powerful weapons to win battlefield wars we need practical resources to overcome pornography! This is a battle I have fought and won personally and I’d love to share how.
Why We Must Have Resources to Overcome Pornography
Pornography addiction has hit an all-time high with many researchers showing 40 million Americans regularly view pornography through the internet. A shocking 12% of all websites are solely dedicated to the industry.
Among those who frequent the sites, 75% are men while 25% are women. See more statistics here.
We have to remember that all of these statistics represent real people. I was one until a few years ago. This is not something that I speak about often, mostly because God has changed me and it is no longer a struggle.
Recently I received an email from a reader asking me to pray over her and her husband as they fought this battle and asking for resources to help. It occurred to me that I had never shared this part of our God story before. So that’s what I am doing starting with this list of tools and resources to help you in the battle to overcome pornography!
Questions About Pornography in Marriage
When you are living within a godly marriage or a Christian marriage if you will, there are bound to be questions surrounding the topic of pornography in marriage. I will not address those here but will link back to additional resources to help answer those questions.
- Is virtual infidelity a ground for divorce?
- How to deal with my husbands’ addiction
- What are the things that destroy a marriage?
- How to overcome addiction Biblically
- and How to stop watching pornography
- How to be a godly wife
- List the best marriage advice websites
Why Would You Stop Using Adult Sites?
At creation, God designed sexual intimacy. He planned it for the pleasure of married couples and procreation. When we live outside of God’s design we live in sin and we live with the consequences of that sin. Sexual sin brings consequences that live in our bodies.
Pornography use causes harm in your body!
For men, it leads to ED and PE problems that cause frustration when you engage in sexual intercourse.
Women experience loss of libido, sexual confusion, body image issues, and struggles with orgasm.
Pornography us instant gratification which creates so many sexual problems later on. When they say, “fight the new drug” they are right.
I’ll share in-depth in the next article about overcoming pornography Biblically in 11 steps. Today we will look at Resources to aid the Biblical tools.
But first, some ground rules!
Steps Must Be Agreed on By All Adults in the House
Before we go a step further let me emphasize that these are measures you will take individually. If you start setting safety features to stop your spouse from watching pornography before talking it through and agreeing you will have a fight on your hands.
Pornography is a sin that must be openly talked about. It is a sin we practice in secret, but talking about it in the open takes some of the power away from it.
If your spouse is addicted and you want to address pornography in marriage I highly suggest you have some difficult conversations and pray over it before taking measures that will cause bitterness and resentment.
Pornography Use Among Children and Teens
The statistics are frightening about the age our youth are first exposed to pornography. Just as you will need to have an open dialogue about this sin with your spouse, you MUST have open conversations with your children.
This goes beyond when and how to talk to your kids about sex. All kids will be exposed to pornography at some point in their life, research tells us. For me, it was at age 15 and I was completely unprepared.
We do NOT want our children unprepared for how to respond if their friend sends them porn or a boyfriend/girlfriend begins pressuring them to sext!
NOTE: If you are researching this to help a child or teenager in your home with this addiction that rule still applies.
As parents, we must begin to have difficult conversations with our children about pornography, sexting, and God’s design for sexual intimacy in marriage before puberty begins.
And while you can not jump into preventative measures with your spouse without their consent as the parent, you will be more able to take these measures immediately.
Free Resources to Overcome Pornography
When I began facing this addiction in my life I started by apply Biblical truths to my life that I had always ignored. I’ll share those 11 tools next here*.
Then I used these free tools because we lived paycheck to paycheck. So I will share how we got started down the road to recovery for free.Sexual sin brings consequences that live in our bodies. Pornography use causes harm in your body! Click To Tweet
Free Tools to Help You Stop Watching Pornography
There are many free ways to set up initial roadblocks to adult content online! Don’t feel like you can’t get help if funds are limited!!!!!!!
Enable Maturity Features on All Devices
Every PC has features for maturity. Set the maturity to PG or PG13. YOu have to dig deeper to set maturity features for free on your mobile devices but do it. Statistics show most adult sites are viewed on mobile.
Set Up Password Protection
You can set a password for anything X rated or NR on any device. You can and should also have passwords and alerts set up in google play and the apple store.
PRO TIP: If this is an adult issue in the house, ask someone else to set the password for accountability and keep it so you are not tempted.
Set your one Google account for the whole house so that everything you view shows up for the entire household. That way your entire search history is public knowledge. It also keeps YouTube history public.
Set Up Accountability Checks
Beyond setting the initial roadblocks on devices you also need to keep the dialogue open in the hour.
- Ask for permission to periodically check devices. This is not meant to be a sign of distrust, but a boundary you agree on as part of the recovery process.
- Set a time each week or month where you look at the history together.
- Agree on boundaries. For example:
- NEVER delete history unless the other adult is there.
- Never delete text message history without the other adult there.
- Regular checks at such and such time
- Transparency about passwords
- Transparency about skins for apps on mobile
Find An Accountability Partner
To help with lessening conflict in marriage it would be wise to talk to a friend outside of the home about the pornography issue.
Support Groups to Overcome Pornography
If you have tried all these and the paid resources to overcome pornography and still find you can’t break free from the clutches of lust, sexual addiction, and pornography it is time to look for support on a deeper level. All of these groups are anonymous and offer judgment-free practical help for real people like you. Don’t overthink it. Contact them today.
Paid Resources to Overcome Pornography
Those were the first tools I used to overcome pornography and they went a long way toward victory. As my husband joined the commitment to keep pornography out of the house we needed more resources.
What I found was that we still were not ready to spend a lot of money or be part of groups because this is an embarrassing sin issue. So we needed resources that were sort of at the lowest threshold of discomfort.
Books and Online Bible Studies to Help Overcome Pornography
Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things
|Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things by Beth Moore.
I don’t know about you, but as I have wrestled with this sin my questions turn harsh.
Why can’t I just stop?
If he loved me he would just stop.
But the truth is we all struggle with sin. My sin is different than your sin and I can’t even understand why I do my own things wrong. So this book really helped me wrap my mind around that issue and come out with answers and tools to help better process the struggling.
Healing is a Choice
|Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn.
Knowing why we struggle with these sin issues that hurt us is not enough, we also need to know how to heal. I found that digging into Biblical truths about sexual sin and trying really hard to abstain was not enough. It turns out that healing from these things begins with a choice.
This book helps you walk through the 10 lies that keep us from healing. I highly recommend it!
Every Man’s Battle
|Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn.
Let’s be honest, lust and sexual temptation is the battle of every person in our 21st Century world. This book faces that truth head-on and teaches practical tools to help you work through things to a place of freedom.
The book addresses the issue of sexual temptation from a man’s point of view but I found it helpful as a woman as well!
Intended for Pleasure
|Intended for Pleasure by Ed. Wheat, M.D.
The books we’ve seen so far help you see why we sin and how to find freedom from sin but we really need to go farther. There are long term effects from lust, sexual sin, and pornography use.
Once you find freedom, you then need to reeducate yourself about God’s design for sexual desire and sexual intimacy. That is what this book teaches and it is really eye-opening and practical to use.
Boundaries in Marriage
|Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
This is a great book to start with if you are dealing with issues surrounding pornography in marriage. It will give you practical tools and Biblical principles to set and maintain boundaries to make you both feel more loved and secure!
Stronger Online Protection
Then there came a day we realized we needed to go deeper than just the free tools for online security and we found several great options. These are two that I recommend but there are hundreds of others. Do your research and pick one or two that make sense for you and your needs.
|Covenant Eyes is an internet monitoring service that sends a report of all activity to someone you trust. This is great for families and those who have an accountability partner.
|Net Angel allows you to set limits, monitor activity, and see reports to help you and your household stay pure.
More Comprehensive Help
At some point, we went to a marriage intensive to help with the issue because it was an ongoing battle. Remember, pornography addiction is tough to break. NOT IMPOSSIBLE, just tough. You can do it! These tools can help!
When we were at a critical point in our marriage troubles we needed more intensive help.
- We had read the books – which helped some.
- We had installed security.
- There were accountability pieces in place
- We had even been to counseling.
But we were still struggling to overcome pornography and a host of other issues in our marriage. This Intensive weekend helped. We were able to get away from it all, listen to talks by real people who had lived it, and won and start to heal.
If you can afford this or another like it, I highly recommend an intensive weekend.
Every Man’s Battle Weekend
First, I have to say I can’t recommend New Life Live enough! For years we listened to their talk show and read every book they wrote because these people just get it. They get the struggle. There is no denial of how tough it is to overcome pornography or any other mental health or addictive struggle in life!
Find a New Life Radio Broadcast in your area and plan to tune in.
Second, The Every Man’s Battle Workshop and Weekends are life-changing. If you are a man struggling with this issue and can get away for a weekend it will revolutionalize your life. Just knowing you are not alone and hearing stories of hope and healing!
You can do this. They can help!
How Can I Support You To Overcome Pornography?
Learning how to overcome addiction is tough work. Praise God He gives us the power of the Holy Spirit* within our bodies and every blessing in the heavenly realms* to help!
These are 27 resources to overcome pornography that I recommend as you start this journey.
Have you tried any of them? Are there others you would suggest?
This is a battle my husband and I won through the power of God. With His help, I believe you can too!
If this post was helpful you will like these too:
- The Uncomfortable Truth about Sex in a Christian Marriage
- How To Be a Biblical Wife to an Ungodly Husband
- How to Embrace Sex in Marriage As a Rape Victim