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Know How to Fight to Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage

Does the word “compatible” make it into your brain when you fight with your husband? Modern culture has half the world convinced that fighting means you’re not meant for each other. That half is throwing in the towel on their marriage because they are fighting the wrong enemy. The other half has it figured out: conflict is a healthy and normal part of marriage that promotes intimacy.

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If you know how to “fight” with your husband, you can wake up every day feeling like you married the right man, and even his imperfections will start to look less imperfect.

Proverbs 14:29 He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

How to Fight to Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage

Focus on yourself in the Fight

Again, a modern culture will tell you that you should do what makes you happy. That’s icky and selfish and the recipe for home-wrecking.

When I say “focus on you” I want you to take the phrase, “It’s his fault” out of your vocabulary. Even if you’re “right,” there is a vicious circle that we learned in grade school: it’s the “Nuh-uh,” “Yuh-huh” cycle.

When you stop arguing with your husband for the sake of proving that you’re right, the cycle has no choice but to come to a screeching halt.

Spend time in Prayer to find out how you are contributing to the negative cycle and work on that. You’ll be surprised at the difference a little self-tweaking can make!

Romans 14:3-5 …first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

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Your husband is on your team in the Fight

Wise people say that when it comes to marriage if one loses both lose. Your husband is on your team.

If you’re playing football and your husband gets tackled, Team Marriage suffers. Imagine being on the field, wearing the same jersey and tackling your husband. This isn’t going to get your marriage very far.

There are no winners when your fighting puts one of you above the other.

Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should

Agree on how to disagree in the Fight

Romans 14:3-5 The one who eats is not to regard with contempt the one who does not eat, and the one who does not eat is not to judge the one who eats, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind.

Sit down with your husband and agree on the most efficient way to enter into and resolve the conflict.

Just like anything else, if you have a process in place, it’s difficult to derail and lose focus. If you have a process for conflict in marriage, it makes it easier for either spouse to say, “Hey, remember we agreed.”

Obedience to Christ is key in the Fight

Blaming, proving you’re right and winning an argument is never going to be classified as “Christ-like” behaviors. That’s the hard truth for any wife! I know it’s a struggle for me, too.

James 4:7Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

“Submitting” to your husband is hard because let’s face it, I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t love to have a little control.

Remember your football team? Team Marriage is running down the field and you’re hugging the ball, running like mad and you’re close to making a touchdown. The other team’s burly angry players are closing in on you fast. So you “submit” the ball to your husband, who is standing on the goal line.

You submit control so that you both win.

But maybe a sports analogy isn’t ideal for wives… Pick 1 area to work on today and Leave a comment below. When we work with our husband for a closer and more intimate relationship we turn conflict into our ally.

You may feel like this is just skimming the surface of the struggle you have with conflict in a Christian Marriage. If you need to go deeper to develop your Communication check out The Marriage Communication Mini-Course in the HopeJoyInChrist Shop!

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Emily Vega

Hey Girl, I'm Emily! I help Christian wives and mommies find practical solutions to everyday problems, Proverbs 31 style. Find me at and I want to know how you’re doing and what’s going on with you. I feel like we’re friends already! Get in touch with me at and we can swap stories.