Is your marriage under attack? See if any of this describes your marriage in this season. You fight over everything, you can’t seem to agree about anything, he seems more insensitive than ever, and you are overwhelmed with feelings of despair, worthlessness, and hopelessness. Those are all common signs your Marriage is under spiritual attack. Today Jen Stults will share 10 Tips to help you stand for your marriage in the battle.
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10 Tips to Help You Stand for Your Marriage in the Fight
We lay there, side by side, not speaking nor daring to touch. It had been a long day of arguing in battle off and on – mostly about surface issues. We were ignoring the root problem, hoping if we failed to give heed to it, it might fade away.
Does God want me to stand for my marriage?
Festering wounds lead to rot if left unattended, and in many ways, our marriage was rotten.
In those days, hope seemed hard to come by. Were we doomed to a loveless marriage? How long could we continue on as hostile roommates rather than friendly lovers?
We needed rescue. We needed the tide to change. Just like us, you need God’s help to stand for your marriage.
Eventually, it did, but not until we each reached a point of decision in our marriage – give up, or choose to fight for it.
Many marriages face this same question today, even Christian marriages!
1. Standing for your marriage is a choice you must make every day
What is standing for your marriage?
Fellow wife, I know you may be hard-pressed and Satan’s attacks seem never-ending, but we serve a God who loves to demonstrate His might over the forces of darkness.
To take a stand for your marriage is as simple as making a choice. You must choose your marriage – every single day. As you choose to stand firm in the battle for your marriage, keep some things in mind to win the battle.
2. Confront Satan’s lies
So often women feel shame over marriage issues, even if those issues are a result of their husband’s sin and not their own. This is perhaps especially true in Christian marriages because we have that deep desire to live out the characteristics of a godly wife we know God wants us to be.
Because we’re ashamed, we hide our problems from others and put up a good front.
This kind of shame is a lie from the enemy. Don’t believe the lie. Everyone has marriage issues. Everyone! They are nothing to be ashamed of or hide. People ask this question all the time…
How can I save my marriage alone? You. Can’t. Marriage requires a village to save. Maybe you are a wife wanting to stand for your marriage alone – meaning your husband is not fighting. Okay, but get plugged in and get help!
Need Help Being Confident of This?
Confidence – it’s not about self. It’s not about your performance. It’s not about what others think. No, it’s all about your identity in Christ and learning to live from that firm foundation. Do you feel frustrated by failure? Do you doubt whether you’re capable enough, brave enough, or strong enough to handle the difficulties of life? Confident Christian living IS possible! Through this 30-day devotional, you’ll discover the freedom in:
- Overcoming the superwoman myth
- Having the courage to face a giant
- Avoiding the danger of greener grass
- Embracing a work-in-progress mindset
Choose today to ignite the confidence befitting a cherished daughter of the King!
This book is full of real stories to help you grow in this truth!
3. Stay in Community – you are not the only one
We begin to believe the lie that we’re alone in our suffering.
It’s the oldest trick in the book, dating all the way back to the Garden of Eden; the Enemy uses it often.
There are hundreds of reasons to belong to a good Bible-believing church, and standing for marriage is one of them. Standing for your marriage alone is foolish. You are too weak alone but when you are surrounded by supportive loving friends you are stronger and can really do battle to stand for your marriage!
4. Refuse to own the shame
However, when we allow shame to rule us, we give Satan the spiritual foothold he is looking for.
- Fail to seek help.
- Ignore problems rather than address them.
- Become reactive rather than proactive.
Even more, we fail to be an encouragement to others.
Listen, friends, without brave, work-in-progress women who are willing to share their messy stories, we all feel alone in this fight for healthy Christian marriages!
The more alone we feel, the more we keep to ourselves, the more victory the Enemy experiences in our lives. Be brave and stand for your marriage!
5. Don’t hide the issues
If we want to reclaim that victory for ourselves, we must bravely drag our issues out into the light!
We must stand firm and answer honestly when people ask how you are. Stop saying you are fine when you are hurting and have lost hope.
Your husband won’t join you? That’s okay. You can still seek help for yourself as you stand for your marriage!
Ephesians 5:8-11 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
6. Remember God’s character
In the midst of real pain and suffering, we quickly forget who God is and what He is capable of.
Remember the Israelites? They spent decades in the desert reliving a cycle of experiencing God’s deliverance and then His wrath.
All God asked was that they follow Him to the Promised Land. However, they frequently focused so intently on the difficult circumstances that they forgot God’s miraculous work on their behalf in freeing them from Pharaoh’s slavery.
You serve a God who is still in the business of redeeming marriages. If you are wondering how to fight for your marriage, it starts by remembering that God is fighting on your side!
7. Keep the Faith of a Mustard Seed
In my naiveté, I used to think that anyone who saw the Red Sea parted, and an army of chariots with armored men wiped out in one swoop, yet still failed to believe must have really weak faith.
But how often has God rescued me from life’s circumstances? Yet still, I struggle with doubt.
Friend, in the dark times, don’t be an Israelite. Grasp hold of that faith – even if it is small – and remember how big your God is. The same God who parted the Red Sea is on your side as you stand for your marriage!
8. Meditate on the faithfulness of God
Instead of focusing on the problems in your marriage, intentionally meditate on who God is:
- He is all-powerful.
- His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9).
- He works all things out for our ultimate good (Rom. 8:28), even broken relationships.
- That He loves us more than we can fathom (Jer. 31:3),
- He strengthens us for every battle we face (Josh. 1:9).
9. Trust the work in progress
Sometimes we experience victory in one area of marriage only to be faced with yet another battle.
That’s discouraging because it feels like a step backward. If it happens frequently, you learn to avoid getting your hopes up for fear they might be dashed. Right?!?!?!
But lately, I’ve been reading in the Psalms about this idea that our hope in God is something we should be proud of, not ashamed of. David cries out again and again in the early chapters, “Let me not put to share” (Psalms 25:20)
Friend, don’t let the Enemy convince you that your little battle today was the first step on that downward spiral.
Don’t let him dash your hopes by whispering lies like, “Your Husband will never change.”
If you want to stand for your marriage, you must learn to recognize progress and claim it for the victory that it is!
Remember, you’re focused on winning the war, which means you need a long-term strategy. You need something to cling to when marriage gets tough.
Every marriage has ups and downs, seasons of intimacy, and seasons of survival mode. Acknowledge each victory as you stand for your marriage to create momentum for victory!
10. Setbacks will happen – hold onto Hope
These are temporary setbacks unless we give them the power to weigh us down.
If we despair each time we face a struggle, if we give in to that false belief that nothing is changing, then we give ground to the Enemy. Instead, we must cling to the promise of Philippians 1:6 – that God will continue the work He began in us until the day it is complete!
Do you want to experience wholeness in your marriage? Stay focused on progress rather than unattainable standards of perfection.
Don’t let a small stumble turn into a permanent fall.
That’s why hope is so important – without hope, we are tempted to give up.
Hope for the Hurting Wife who wants to Stand for Your Marriage
If you are a wife who is desperate for some hope, desperate for the comfort of knowing you are not alone, then Hope for the Hurting Wife is just the book for you. My co-author, Rebekah Hallberg, and I share from our own experiences as hurting wives who are determined to fight for healthy, Christian marriages. This 30-day devotional journey for when Christian marriage goes awry addresses topics such as:
- Moving forward after trauma
- Loving even when you feel unloved
- Protecting your heart
- Understanding the power of choice
- Trusting God while waiting for redemption
Which of these 10 tips to stand for your marriage in the fight can you choose to apply today?
- Choose to stand for your marriage
- Confront Satan’s lies
- Stay in community
- Refuse to own the shame
- Don’t hide the issues
- Remember God’s character
- Keep your faith
- Meditate on the faithfulness of God
- Trust that this is a just a work in progress
- Hold onto hope in setbacks
Don’t fight alone, friend.
Confront Satan’s lies, and remember who your God is. Ask Him to help you see how He’s working, to see the work in progress.
Wife to a church planter and mother of four, Jen is a work-in-progress woman who seeks to find confidence in Christ alone. As a disciple-maker, author, and speaker, she encourages women who feel frustrated by failure and plagued by perfectionism to find both freedom and confidence in their identity in Christ. She writes about the struggle to embrace everyday grace at her blog, Being Confident of This.
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- How to Fast and Pray in a Way that Pleases God
- Be a Biblical wife to an Ungodly Husband
- 40-Days to Be Still and Know God more