Is love enough for marriage to last a lifetime? Love. That little word can rule us, lead our feelings and emotions, and cause us to get married in the first place. Love is powerful, but does it last? Today Alyssa Avant will answer a question we all ask as the Honeymoon ends and the pressures of real like sneak into our marriage. Is there Hope for Marriage to last a lifetime in this divorce-prone culture? Is there one thing that leads to a healthy marriage?Is there Hope for Marriage to last a lifetime in this divorce-prone culture? Is there one thing that leads to a healthy marriage? Click To Tweet
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Is Love Enough for Marriage? One Thing That Leads to a Healthy Marriage
Have you ever tried to explain exactly what love is?
The dictionary definition of Love:
- Noun –“an intense feeling of deep affection.”
- Verb –“to feel a deep romantic or sexual attraction to (someone).”
That emotional word “feel” is emphasized in both of these definitions. Your feelings and emotions can be dangerous if you allow them to rule in your life and marriage.
Is love enough for Marriage? No. Our Cultural definition of love is never going to be enough to create a healthy marriage that will last a lifetime.
Is love enough for Marriage? No. Our Cultural definition of love is never going to be enough to create a healthy marriage that will last a lifetime. Click To Tweet
Why is love not enough for marriage?
Love, the way our culture defines love, is an emotional word. You can not have a healthy marriage if emotions are leading your daily choices. Why should you not allow your emotions to rule your marriage?
Yes, it is true, a feeling of deep affection led to marriage. But NO, it is not the only thing that a couple needs to sustain a healthy marriage.
When I was a young newlywed I was very emotional. My husband used to say that my emotions could range from happy to sad in a matter of seconds. This was true and could be draining.
When answering the question “Is love enough for marriage” we can agree that Love is not enough for Marriage, the emotion of love. Feelings and emotions are one thing you should never allow to rule your marriage.
What can you do with emotions in Marriage?
I recently read an article that said, “Emotions are gages, not guides.” – Jon Bloom. Wisely, Mr. Bloom encouraged his readers to not allow their emotions to be the guide by which they live.
We all experience various emotions daily.
Just think about that variety of emotions. Marriage ruled by emotions would be like riding a rollercoaster. So the answer to the question “Is love enough for Marriage to last a lifetime” has to be no.Marriage ruled by emotions would be like riding a rollercoaster. So the answer to the question 'Is love enough for Marriage to last a lifetime' has to be no. Click To Tweet
But let’s not take this too far. Love is Important.
Even a healthy marriage will go through difficult seasons that lead you to ask hard questions. Have you ever asked these?
- Is love enough for a relationship to survive?
- Is love necessary for Marriage?
- Can love alone sustain a relationship?
- Can marriage last without love?
God is love and so we know that love is important and has a place in our lives. God tells us to love others as we love ourselves. Love is so important to God that it is a key piece in the two commandments He gave us.
Matthew 22:36-38 (Click through the phrases to go deeper into their meaning) “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your Godwith all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment” The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yoruself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
The question shouldn’t be “is love enough for Marriage to last?”. No, the question should be “Am I showing love God’s way or the Cultures way?” (Find a word study on The 8 Ways to Love from 1 Corinthians here)
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The One Thing That Leads to a Healthy Marriage
If Love is not enough for Marriage to last a lifetime, how can you redirect your focus and find the one thing that leads to a healthy marriage?
What should you allow to rule your relationship rather than your emotions? Commitment to do Marriage God’s Way.
Do you remember the vows that you made at your wedding?
“I, [name], take you [name], to be my [husband/wife], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
Wedding vows are a form of commitment, a contract you chose to enter before God. As a Christian, we are to fix our eyes on Jesus and let Him rule our lives no matter how we feel.
When the Lord is in the center, marriage is based on the model of Christ and the church.
God’s way to do Marriage or God’s plan for marriage is explained in Scripture
Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
While studying over on Bible.org this week about marriage I came upon this quote:
“The Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit; they are one and yet still individual persons.
When a couple gets married, they are to demonstrate this. Marriage demonstrates two individual people becoming “one” for the rest of their lives while maintaining their individuality.”
The Bible also tells us God should rule our marriage.
God’s model of love shows us how a husband should love his wife.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25
As wives, we are to submit to our husbands.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18
What changes you are committed to doing Marriage God’s Way?
Doing marriage God’s way, staying focused on the commitment you made rather than allowing the changing emotions of love to rule your Marriage brings blessings and healthy marriage.
A commitment to better communication
When you focus on feeling “in love” communication in marriage suffers as your feelings come and go. But if you are committed to God’s Way you will have better communication marriage through mutual respect.
Another area that often suffers when feelings rule a marriage is quality time together. Lack of time in a relationship hurts the bond and weakens communication.
A commitment to spending time together
When you see your emotions as a guide you can more easily see when they are ruling your choices. Honoring your commitment to each other will lead you to spend more time together, strengthening the bond of marriage and developing habits of a healthy marriage that will last a lifetime!Enter to Win: Faith Leaps: The Christian Mom's Guide to Passion, Purpose and Profits. Click To Tweet
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Is Love Enough for marriage to last a lifetime and be a Healthy Marriage?
No, Love is not enough for marriage to last a lifetime and be a healthy Marriage. I know that commitment, respect and submission are controversial topics but they are the cornerstone pieces in doing Marriage God’s Way. If we look at scripture and base Marriage on Biblical ideas everything will surely look counter-cultural.
If your Marriage looks counter-cultural you are on the right path. We see that marriage should reflect Jesus Christ and He submits willingly to His Father.
Jesus’ love is perfect and therefore the right choice for what should rule your marriage.
Ultimately our marriage should bring glory to God. We all can admit that a love ruled or emotion ruled marriage will not always last a lifetime while a commitment ruled marriage will.
Alyssa is a Christian author, speaker and writing coach who works from home as a Virtual assistant to authors & speakers. She has three rambunctious, active children and has been married to my husband Greg for 19 years.
If you enjoyed this you would also like these Posts:
- 14 Characteristics of a Godly Wife that will Save Your Marriage
- 40-Days to Be Still and Know God More
- How to Fast and Pray in a Way that Pleases God
20 thoughts to “Is Love Enough for Marriage? One Thing That Leads to a Healthy Marriage”
My brother who was married for 17 years before he went home to be with the Lord always said, we can’t live life and we definitely can’t live marriage by our feelings. Thanks for the reminder.
oh Yvonne, such truth there… such grief. I am praying for you and your family. The pain of losing one of our family never quite goes away.
The world is driven by feeling and when couples say ‘I don’t love you anymore’ as the reason for divorce is really a wholly self-centered attitude which essentially says ‘because you don’t make me feel good anymore, I don’t want you.” very unbiblical. As you said, feelings come and go, but when believers commit our lives to someone (making a vow before God), it means we stick with it when we feel alot of things AND don’t feel anything at all. thanks for your great reminder!
spoken so well Karen. Thanks for commenting!
So true, Alyssa. I was more that way as a young bride, too. We celebrate our 25th anniversary in a few weeks and I’m grateful to have learned along the way that emotions aren’t the boss of me. (Most of the time, anyway. haha) Thanks for sharing, Alyssa. — And, nice to meet you, Tiffany. I don’t believe we’ve crossed paths before. Graces to you and your ministry. 🙂
It’s nice to meet you too Brenda! So glad the series encouraged you!
Marriage is God’s way of putting His glory and relationship on display. I don’t always do a great job of displaying, but the mindset is a good one!
We are all certainly imperfect reflections of God to the world. The point is not perfection, but keeping at the process! You do that well Sue! So glad you dropped by.
Love everything about this. I’ve only been married 4 years but it definitely takes commitment.
Isn’t it amazing what a difference it makes in marriage when we focus there instead of fixating on the feeling of “in love”?
Love alone isn’t enough for anything. Not for marriage, which is hard work and compromise at minimum, not for loved ones with problems.
So true Valerie. Thank the Lord there is more we can cling to!
When I feel angry I need to pray instead of lashing out at my husband.
Such great advice for us all Judith! I know I need to be reminded often!
I agree that the cultural definition of love is not enough for marriage. That is just a mighty form of infatuation.
This is a great post on what it takes to make a marriage that really has lasting power.
That’s what we want right? Thanks for stopping by Sharon.
I agree there is no much more to marriage then just love!!!! I love your advice!!
It’s so hard to believe that in the beginning but it is absolutely true. Thanks, Meximoments.
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