The Year I Told God No About Anxiety

Do you ever feel God prompting you to do something hard?  Do you ever tell Him “No” for a whole year?  Of course not!  You know better than to tell God No…  Well, this Jesus loving girl sure got it wrong (all year) when He began to press into me the need to be “real” and “vulnerable” about my Anxiety and the Mask I wear to hide it from the world.

So here is part of that story…  

My 2 Little Blessings share a room in our home.  It has to be the messiest place on the planet!  Whenever I am missing something (A hairbrush, my favorite flats, the cute sweater I bought last week) I know where I have to go to find it.  And inevitably, as I search the room I get hotter and hotter about the mess.  Can you relate?  

As I get angry they begin their excuses.  “Mom, I was about to put that away”.  “Mom, A did that, not me”.  And on they go digging themselves a hole there is no getting out of.  I give them an ultimatum, “Clean this room or loose your screen time for the rest of the week!”

Can I be honest with you?  I hate when they clean that room.  It get’s so much worse before it gets clean.  The mess spills into the hallway.  I have to referee bickering and step in to teach them new cleaning things… it is hard work.

Has God ever called you to clean up something in your spiritual life?

Hello, I’m Tiffany and I wear a mask – many in fact.  Maybe you do too?  I am the controller, the peacemaker, the fixer, the go-to gal to coordinate a new ministry, the jack of all trades when life gets crazy, etc.  Those are some of the names my Mask’s might carry.

Is it wrong to wear my mask?

Well I can’t really say.  It’s what has worked to keep me “safe” in life.  Comfortable in life.  In-noticed as I suffer.

You see I suffer from anxiety.  My doctor calls it “High Functioning Anxiety” which sounds like I am a very capable person.  In reality I was just setting myself up to fall apart hard.

That’s what I am doing in life right now… falling apart.

I’ve had an anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember.  My earliest memory of it was at age 8 sitting nearly hyperventilating in a closet – hiding.

My anxiety is not the result of a chemical imbalance or neurological issue, but from the trauma of my past.

The Past is not something I can change

I’ve been running from God about my anxiety all year.  You see, He has been relentlessly calling me to dig deeper and find true healing all year.  It started in March at a Women’s retreat.  He began to reveal the deep wounds that I cover up with my mask.

Deep wounds never stay covered for long

My wounds are as deep as they are wide and I have been trying to run from them for so many years… and for the most part I have succeeded.  But God said dig deeper.  Did I?  Nope, I ran.

Have You Ever tried to Run from God (for a year)?

Let me tell you it doesn’t work well.  He has been so patient with me… because I am scared.  He’s good that way.  Never pressing faster or farther than He knows I can handle.

“But it’s time,” I’ve heard Him whisper over and over again.

In October as I journaled through my birthday and this year’s work God whispered a new word.  I had to be brave because God has a new work for my life.  He gave me Isaiah 43 to hold onto as He worked through it all.

 

“Without a mask on… everyone will see.”  “I am so scared” I pray over and over to God.

Taking off the Mask: Daring To Be The Person God Created You To Be

Little Did I know that God had a plan to equip me to step into the healing process.  I offered to review Clair Musters new book as a friend helping a friend and in an attempt to learn about book publishing (because I have something coming in January!)

I don’t know where you are in your story.  Are you hurting?  Have you dealt with things that are still unhealed? 

Claire Musters book is written with such authentically.  It has given me the courage to bravely begin taking off my mask and seeking help.   I highly recommend it!

She has just begun a series of Unmasked Stories.  I am honored to share mine with you and her readers.  This is only a snippet, Click here to read the Entire Story Unmasked: Letting Go of Anxiety, Click here!

Honestly, part of this process began years ago when God convinced me to really learn to Forgive.

I’d love to share the Pathway I found to truly forgiving the Pain, Abuse and Betrayal that stole so many years of my life.  I was stuck, unwilling to forgive.  I had to learn to release people, so I could walk in freedom!