Marriage is beautiful. People fall in love, get married, share their dreams, and build lives together. Sometimes, even amidst the joys of marriage, couples disagree. Couples argue. Even the best of marriages have confrontations. We cannot always help it. Today I (Dawnmarie) hope to give you ideas and encouragement on how to handle those confrontations before they happen.
How can you address a disagreement before it happens?
One way is to plan ahead what you will do in the event of a heated argument. Communication is Key! Discuss how you will handle it when you realize that your conversation may be becoming confrontational.
I use This 5 Step Plan Ahead Strategy to Reclaim Joy when confrontation looms – I realize everyone’s situation is different but this works for us and I pray will bless you.
Is Joy missing in your life? Need a guide to help get it back? I’d love to give you this Free 30 Day Reading Guide to help.
How to Plan Ahead to Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage
1. Plan to Stop
One way to plan ahead is to flat out say what is happening. You may be discussing something on which you and your spouse disagree and realize that the two of you might be getting agitated. Maybe your voices are raising, and you are using heated words. Because you have discussed this ahead of time, you can have a plan in place.
One of you can say something like, “It feels like we are starting to argue, and I do not want to do that.” That will give you a moment to catch yourselves, take a breath, and either change your tones or put the conversation aside until you have both had an opportunity to calm down. Once you have nipped it in the bud, after taking a breath, you both might even realize that the topic was not a big deal in the first place.
“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”
~2 Timothy 2:23
2. Plan a Code Phrase
What if you feel an argument starting, and you are around other people. You may feel uncomfortable pointing out that you feel an argument coming on while other folks can hear you. To avoid Stress, plan a key phrase that one of you can say that no one else would suspect. Perhaps you or your spouse can say, “Honey, I forgot to ask you, but did you put the clothes in the dryer?” Another idea might be, “Do you think that we should have brought an umbrella?” Whatever word or phrase feels comfortable to the two of you could be used.
3. Plan to Focus on One Another
Another idea is to stop what you are doing and set aside some time to spend talking.
- Sit facing one another.
- You could sit on the floor.
- You could sit on the bed.
- Find a comfortable place where you can sit facing one another
- hold each other’s hands
- look into one another’s eyes.
- Then talk — and listen.
- Pray to God for self-control and guidance.
- Calmly and rationally have a conversation about whatever is bothering the two of you.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.
Discussing this as an option ahead of time could make it feel like a less of an awkward thing if the time comes when you want to give it a try. It will be difficult to fight while you are holding hands and looking into one another’s eyes.
4. Plan Ahead To Keep Your Vows
Years ago, my husband and I made a vow to one another. No, I am not talking about our wedding vows. By the way, do you really understand what a vow is? A vow in a solemn promise or an oath. It is something to which you sincerely commit, without excuse. What vow did we make then?
As a married couple, we vowed to one another that no matter how angry we got or how we felt, divorce was not an option. In the grand scheme of things, most issues in a marriage can be resolved.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
5. Plan to get help when you need it
Yes, I know that not everyone’s marriage is the same. We all have our own, individual relationship dynamics. While couples may share similarities and may have similar issues, it is the individual people who make a relationship what it is. If any of these suggestions can help you during some bumpy times in your relationships, then I am glad to have shared them with you.
if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
If your marriage is struggling beyond what you think you can handle, you can seek professional help as a couple. If your spouse will not, then maybe you will want to seek counsel on your own. Marriage is intended to be until death do us part. Sometimes it takes a bit more work, yet hopefully, that gift is worth the effort. Marriage is a gift from God, though, and gifts should be enjoyed.
I love the idea to Plan ahead for disagreements! What a great way to head off confrontation – which is just inevitable! Thanks, Dawn For these practical Tips to Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage!
Today’s post really delves into the topic of Communication which is so critical in a Christian marriage. Be sure to check out my newest Course – The Marriage Communication Mini-Course from the HopeJoyinChrist Shop!
- Inside the course, you will learn How to Season your Speech and Strengthen Your Marriage in Playful Ways.
Our Words are a sign of what is really happening in our hearts, Learn when to Pray and when to Speak the Truth in Love, Let God filter your words, Find Playful Ways to say things instead of nagging, Replace deadly words and phrases, Learn how to look deeper into your words and recognize what you’ve not forgiven and so much more
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment? We could all use a community to help us in Reclaiming Hope & Joy in our marriages!
We just finished a 31 day Series to help us Reclaim Hope & Joy in Marriage by Intentionally Investing in our Christian Marriage. Get the articles Free in this downloadable e-Book. And Be sure to check out the Wives Only FB Group where Christian Wives chose Hope and Joy in every Season
My name is Dawnmarie, and I share this life with my beloved husband and our precious son — and our son’s kitties. My main goals in life are to please God, love my family, and be kind to others. The three of us enjoy travel and adventures and time together, which are the things about which we mostly share at EnjoyingtheDays.com. My husband and I have been married for twenty-one years, and all three of us will be renewing our vows and our commitment as a family today. ❤