Is Communication in your Christian Marriage a struggle? It is for us too. We disagree, argue, bicker, misunderstand each other, forget to share important details and respond in disrespectful ways all too often. It feels like we get stuck in a cycle and can’t find our way back to friendly communication in our Christian Marriage. Can you relate?
We are not alone in this struggle!
The Huffington Post reports “communication problems are cited as the most common factor that leads to divorce (65%), followed by couples’ inability to resolve conflict (43%).
We Need Practical Tools to Improve Communication in a Christian Marriage if we want to avoid divorce!
I want to add a disclaimer here. There are things you can learn online and then there are things you need professional help with.
Things actually got to the point of no return for Bud and me several years ago. We had let things break down so badly in our marriage that we had no idea how to begin to fix our Marriage. After much debate, we chose a Christian Counselor and began Marriage Counseling.
There is no shame in seeking Marriage Counseling!
We went to talk with a counselor every week. She took us through so exercises that taught us how to talk to each other again. We both came from divorced dysfunctional families and had no idea how to disagree, or agree for that matter. It was a turning point in our marriage. By all means, apply what you learn on this site, but don’t be ashamed to ask for help if things get to that point.
After we learned all those wonderful things in Counseling we still struggled with Communication! Well isn’t this post full of encouragement!
You see, we are just two sinful people sharing space. Life get’s hard and complicated and we get irritated and distracted and wound each other. It happens. When we are wounded we don’t communicate well. LOL, when we are distracted with our own things we don’t communicate well. Can you relate?
Forgiveness was something we had to deal with early on.
Resentment and bitterness set in so deep I couldn’t see past them. Forgiveness for marriage things and for so much else from my past. I’d love to share the pathway God showed me to Forgiveness that led to Freedom!
The #1 Way to Win at Communication in a Christian Marriage
Things began to change a few years ago when I learned this 1 Trick to Communication. Are you ready?
I should not always say the first thing that pops into my head.
James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger
This verse is one I had memorized so long ago and I do take its advice outside the home. I am the quiet one just listening most of the time. But at home, I was quick to offer my opinion and criticism. And my husband was shutting down on me. We were losing all the ground we had gained through counseling.
Years ago I heard Beth Moore tell the story of talking to God about her marital problems before she talked to her husband. She tells about going to the car and screaming her head off about all their problems to God first just to let off the steam of the emotion. That really spoke to me!
Is Your marriage stuck in a Rut? Need help to Reclaim Joy?
Come join me and 30 other Women’s Ministry Leaders in 31 Ways to Reclaim Joy in a Christian Marriage. The Online Marriage Event is Free and will be packed with Giveaways, Daily Posts, A Digital Swag bag full of goodies to bless your faith and Marriage and so much more!
Find a Safe Space to Vent your emotions to God
At the time I didn’t have a car so I chose the bathroom as my safe space. Anytime I am upset, emotional or feeling like my mouth is about to get me in trouble I go into the bathroom and talk to God.
Some amazing benefits of talking to God about things First:
- God becomes my filter
- Most of what I want to say – in all my emotionalism – is not good, factual or helpful.
- Letting God filter my words lets me get all that out of my system in safe space (where I will hurt no one’s feelings)
- I calm down and can communicate clearly to hubby
- Talking to God first lets me process my emotion and sort out the facts.
- When I have the facts and my clear opinion (without the anger) I can have a calm conversation
- We usually avoid a fight
- After the emotion is filtered out we are able to sit down together and talk through the issue.
- No Fighting. Everyone wins!
This 1 Trick has saved us from so many fights. And Y’all it has strengthened my relationship with Christ! As I grow in that relationship, my marriage is strengthened. It’s a Win-Win-Win!
If you found it helpful you will enjoy The Marriage Communication Mini-Course
There are 6 Easy Tools and Techniques I use and teach to win the Communication Battle in a Christian Marriage:
- Our Words reveal our hearts
- Learn when to Pray instead of speak
- How to Speak the Truth in Love
- Let God filter your words
- Find Playful Ways to say things instead of nagging
- Replace deadly words and phrases
I can’t wait to see you in the Marriage Communication Mini-Course!