Can I be completely honest with you? That’s always the goal here, to share the good, the bad, and the in-between – honestly – in the hopes that we can grow together… right? I hate Mother’s Day. Today I will share a bit of my story and hope that it will bless you and helps allow God to change your story as He has changed mine.
I Am A Mother: Why Do I Hate Mother’s Day?
Here’s the thing, I am a mother. Shouldn’t I love Mothers Day?
Every year I see women getting so excited by the prospect of a clean house or a meal they didn’t have to cook or clean up after. They are happy to stand when recognized for being a mom at church…
Not me. I hate Mother’s Day. Why?
Mothers Should Be Appreciated Every Day
God has blessed us with two little blessings. Two beautiful girls who have made our life so much fuller.
I love that on Mother’s Day, they are reminded to honor me… but the Word of God tells us to honor our parents each day. Why do we need a holiday when we are to honor our Father and Mother daily?
And I get that the holiday doesn’t mean there can’t be gratitude and appreciation on other days of the year… but there isn’t much. Motherhood is a thankless job. It is filled with late nights, early mornings, emotional ups and downs, cooking, cleaning, tutoring, taxying, nursing, disciple-making and so much more. One day does not really hit it for me in the appreciation department.
Not that any of us mother or serve our families for the thanks… that’s not my point.
I’m just saying I have mixed feelings about the holiday. Do we really need a Mother’s Day holiday to be reminded to appreciate what we are blessed with?
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We Lost Children
Can I take off my mask and share my heart with you? My real heart?!?
I love being a mother… love it… but my story didn’t start here…
My youth was a mess filled with sin and pain. At the age of 15, I miscarried my first child. Afterward, the doctor sat me down for a good ‘talking to’ and explained my future.
“There is something wrong with you,” still echoes in my mind. “It is likely that you will never have children…”
Related Post: 3 Urgent Reasons to Fight for Your Identity in ChristIf you can say, "I Hate Mother's Day," you are not alone! Learn how to find hope and joy even when the season is tougher than you expected. Click To Tweet
Depression and Hopelessness
That day marked the beginning of many dark years in my life. I would never be a mother. All my dreams were crushed by that one prognosis.
The enemy began to whisper lies… lies I believed. I was damaged… broken… not good enough to be a mother.
Life seemed hopeless and a bleak future stretched out before me. My life would be meaningless, loveless, and hopeless… until I died (and I prayed for death daily).
Does that snake ever whisper lies to you?
“Hope Deferred makes he heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12 NASB)
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Well-Meaning Christians Made It Worse
While I was spiraling from the depression of child loss and the pronouncement that I’d never be a mother, another layer was added to my, “I hate Mother’s Day” armor.
Well-meaning Christians in my life began to say some of the worst things to me. Looking back I believe they meant well, but their empty phrases crushed my confused 15-year-old heart.
“God’s calling on your life must not include motherhood,” Many suggested.
“You are blessed to have lost that child. It would have ruined your life,” others assured.
I crashed into depression, shunning anything and everything that had to do with children (still a child myself).
A Broken Relationship With My Own Mother
Well before things progressed to all-out hate of Mother’s Day, there was guilt on Mother’s Day. Have you ever felt that?
Why do I feel guilty on Mother’s Day?
My relationship with my mom was broken from as early as I can remember. In hindsight, I can see that she was dealing with so much of her own brokenness and trauma… motherhood was just hard for her.
As a 15-year-old living in sin and rebellion, I didn’t help her with all the trauma she was already handling by piling up more.
My relationship with my mother was broken. She did the best she could with me, but I was a handful. On Mother’s Day, I saw no need to shower her with gifts or attention. She seemed happier left alone so I did that… and I felt such guilt.
Restoration through Forgiveness and Boundaries
As a young adult, God showed me the bitterness and resentment that was robbing me of joy and hope, and abundant life. He graciously restored my relationship with my mother, but it was hard to learn to forgive her.
God had to help me find a pathway to forgiveness. That pathway leads to freedom. Can I share that story of forgiveness with you in this FREE E-Challenge?
What To Do On Mother’s Day With So Much Hurt
That was what pushed me from guilt to full on hate for Mother’s Day.
Every year on Mother’s Day I sat in bitterness at church. Lol, as I think the heading should be, What should you not do on Mother’s Day.” Sitting in bitterness is always good to have on your list of what not to do. Even if you hate the day, bitterness only hurts you.
I hate Mother’s Day. I wore it like a badge of honor in the sanctuary. Then, unexpectedly I had company sitting in the sanctuary. It seems many women struggle with Mother’s Day. Did you know?
If you hate Mother’s Day too, the first way to healing is to know you are not alone!
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Learn How To Avoid Mother’s Day Sadness
I was sad, actually depressed, and hopeless about not being a mother. But I was not alone. A few years into this hollowness, I found myself sitting with other women who:
- Never had children.
- Had lost children.
- Who’s children had grown distant or gone prodigal.
- Had a difficult relationship with mother.
- Still, others had lost their mom and the grief was intense.
For many of us, Mother’s Day was and is a challenge. I was blessed by these women who walked with me through my dark time.
They encouraged me to stop living in the brokenness of lost dreams… which is where I was choosing to stay regardless of the many blessings all around me in life.
Allow Scripture to Comfort Your Heart
Not only did these women surround me with love, acceptance, and encouragement, they challenged me. Yes, sometimes the best thing a godly woman can do is challenge you in the midst of a hopeless season. You see, the temptation is to wallow in the pain rather than stand on the truth of God’s Word.
These precious Saints encouraged me with Scripture and it changed me. May I bless you with those verses?
God chose you!
“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit…” (John 15:16 NASB)
God placed a real calling on your life!
“Who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was granted us in Christ Jesus from all eternity” (2 Timothy 1:9 NASB)
Remember Your Calling in Life
Those two Scriptures helped pull me back from the edge of hopelessness. They reminded me that motherhood was not the only thing I was made for in this life.
Every single person has a calling on their life. I believe that with all my heart. Scripture talks too often about the calling God places on us.
“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…” (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB)
One of those callings is to make disciples as you are going about your daily life. Making disciples doesn’t have to be in your home (though it may be) it could be a work or in school… wherever you are!
Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you” (Matthew 28:18-20 NASB)
There were many days when I wrestled with God over my deep desire for children. Why would He create me to want to love and nurture young hearts and minds and not allow me to become a mom?
Then one day, one of those sweet Spiritual Mothers in my life, who hated Mother’s Day as I did, invited me to help teach Sunday School with her. The kids were 3-4. We taught together and she poured into me her love of children. I found an outlet for the love bound up inside.
Maybe God wasn’t calling me to have babies and raise children. Maybe He was calling me to love others wherever they were and share His Word with all who wanted to learn. I think of it as Spiritual Motherhood.
Spiritual Motherhood is a great way to re-direct some of your hope!
Related Post: Mentoring is the Way to Brave Discipleship
There can be a Spiritual Mother’s Day in your future! Or maybe God is calling you to mentor others.
Paul, a single man without children calls us to pass on what we have learned. Timothy was his son in the faith. Paul mentored Timothy and poured life into him, and he challenges us to do the same.
“The things you have heard form me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men (women) who will be able to teach others also.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NASB)
Paul instructs us to encourage others in the faith. It can be so challenging to live a life of discipleship. We need Spiritual mothers and mentors to help guide us and encourage us so we do not lose heart!
Find A Mentor and Be a Mentor
Do you have a Mentor or Spiritual Parent?
I have had many! They encouraged me early on to have a Paul in my life, a Mentor. What is a Mentor or Spiritual Parent?
- These are people on a similar path as you but who are farthur along.
- They will come alongside of you, do life with you, and offer you wisdom and encouragement along the way.
They also encourage me to always be a Paul in someone’s life, be a Mentor. How do you become a Mentor or Spiritual Parent?
- There are people younger in their faith that need encouragement, be around them.
- Don’t judge their lack of knowledge or experience, but gently offer counsel and encouragement.
- Pray for them.
- Share what God is teaching you and what He taught you in seasons like theirs.
- There is no one right way to do this, just step out and see what works.
Go out and be a Mentor to someone. You will find it blesses you beyond measure and helps ease the hurt!
Embracing God’s Plan
Nearly 15 years after the first tragic loss of a child, God blessed me with a healthy baby girl. The doctors found the cause of my inability to carry to term and pronounced I could have as many children as we liked.
15 years. For 15 years I had believed that I would never be a mother. Over time I learned to embrace the calling to serve others, teach in AWANA and Sunday School, serve in children’s choirs, and be the funnest Aunt Tiffany!
In the midst of that I also began to hear God call me to teach the Word. One day, when I grow up, I want to be a Jesus Girl who teaches God’s Word all over the world. I can feel the tug even now.
Would I have heard His call on my life if He had answered those prayers for children early on? Would I have sought Him about my calling? And, would I have pushed in to know what His plan was?
I don’t think so…
Waiting Time With The Lord is Never Wasted
You see, God has a plan for all of our lives. It even shifts from season to season. I was meant to learn to patiently wait on Him, meant to learn to love others and mentor others.
In that long dry season, I studied the Word like it was life… because it was. I prayed and cried out to the Lord. He met me in the brokenness and began building a character I never imagined.
In the waiting He was faithful.
What is He doing in Your waiting?
The Loss of My Mother
Last year I lost my mother to cancer. In the waiting time of motherlessness, she and I had time to mend our broken relationship. We didn’t have what I wish we could have had… but what we had was special.
As Mother’s Day approaches I am again sad. I miss her though I know I’ll see her again one day. Part of me wants to avoid church that Sunday… But I know there will be others who are hurting and I want to come alongside them and remind them they are not alone. I want to serve and love and embrace all the feelings. (Well, I want to want that 😉 )
How I Hate Mother’s Day Can Turn Into I Want To Serve Others
God’s had a plan… though I didn’t understand it all those years ago. I wish I could wrap my arms around that 15-year-old girl and tell her God loved her, she wasn’t broken, and shouldn’t live her life hopelessly… but I can’t go back. All I can do is tell you.
God loves you. Goes has a plan for your life and you can trust Him.
You. Are. Not. Broken.
You are not alone.
So what if you are where I was and proudly proclaiming, “I hate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.” You are in good company!
There is hope in Jesus Christ that can cover all the hurt. So many years ago I chose that as my name.. my calling…… Hope Joy in Christ. It can be yours!
if you enjoyed this, you will love these articles:
- 10 Simple Ways Dad Can Win This Mother’s Day
- (Comeing Soon) Bible Verse About Mother’s Day
- 14 Characteristics of a Godly Wife That Will Save Your Marriage