The idea of being surprised and swept away to a vacation spot or being told how beautiful I (Shanique Brown) looked in that new dress I bought was my idea of showing love. So when my husband failed to act the part, I questioned, what’s wrong with this dude? His idea of showing love was just spending some good quality time together. Sure that’s great but a girl could do with some thoughtful gifts every now and then, surely that wouldn’t hurt I thought to myself.
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Four years in I finally decided to read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and what a game changer it has been. It is a book that I have heard lots of great reviews about over the years but never got around to reading it until recently. After reading, we finally realized why we did certain things and especially for me I realized how selfish I had been all those years. Poor guy, but grateful he put up with all my shortcomings. By knowing your partners, love language, you are able to show affection in a way that will make them feel loved and wanted in a language that they truly understand.
What are the 5 Love Languages in a Christian Marriage?
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are verbal compliments or words of appreciation. It was King Solomon who said
Proverbs 18:21 death and life are in the power of the tongue.
This is oh so true, words have the power to uplift as well as do harm. If this is your spouse’s language, throughout the day look for ways you can express your appreciation or give a compliment. You could say things like you look really handsome in that suit or thanks so much for doing the dishes for me today. Don’t just say things to give a compliment only verbalize things you truly mean.
Acts of Service
You seek to please your spouse by serving. Helping them with items that are overwhelming them or doing things like helping them around the house. If this is your spouse’s love language, you can do something as simple as surprising them by washing his or her car.
For this individual, they need to be visually reminded that you love them. Thoughtful gestures are wonderful reminders that you love them and are thinking about them. You could do something as simple as packing their favorite snack in their lunch bag with a note. It is sure to bring a smile to their face when they see your note and a favorite treat. It’s the thought that is really important.
For this love language, think undivided attention. Refrain from doing things like being on your phone while your spouse is trying to talk to you or another form of multitasking. Truly give them your undivided attention. Your spouse wants to know that you enjoy spending time with them and that you are listening to them. Try to schedule regular date nights or other alone time together if this is your spouse’s love language.
While this language speaks for itself, It doesn’t have to be intimate. Simple things such as holding their hand, kissing or even just giving them a pedicure or manicure shows them that they are appreciated and loved.
After over five years of marriage, I would say, putting God first and knowing my partners love language has been the game changers for us. If you would like to learn more about the five love languages and stop riding on empty, join the waiting list for my free 7-day marriage challenge and learn how you can start filling up your love tank.
For more ideas on how you can incorporate the different love languages, head on over to the blog for more ideas.
The Five Love Languages can add Joy back into a Christian Marriage
Knowing what they are and finding creative ways to apply them is a wise decision. But it’s not always enough.
Joy – really comes from your relationship with God. Read more about that here What is Joy and Why do we need it in a Christian Marriage
Is Joy missing in your life? Need a guide to help get it back? I’d love to give you this Free 30 Day Reading Guide to help.
I am a not so newlywed that believes that everything tastes better with just a little bit of spice. I am on a mission to help women focus on the essentials so they can find joy and adventure in the word of God and in their marriages. You can connect with Shanique over at Rock Solid Faith or connect with her on Twitter.