The struggle with pride in marriage is real! “Why did I ever get married?” “I would be better off doing this thing alone.” Do those kinds of thoughts ever cross your mind? They cross my mind. Oh hello, my name is Tiffany, and I am a proud person by nature. Today we will look at pride in marriage as we examine the phrase love is not arrogant in marriage.How does pride destroy relationships? Pride in marriage refuses to bend, refuses to give grace, and refuses to see value in what the other person knows and can teach. Click To Tweet
What Is Pride In Marriage
We are digging into 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and applying it to our godly marriage
To go back, click on any of the words in this list:
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act disrespectfully or unbecomingly; it does not seek it’s own, is not provoked to anger, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, enduring all things. Love never fails.“
As we continue on we see a word I believe everyone is familiar with – Pride in marriage – from the phrase love is not arrogant.
Love is Not Arrogant in Marriage – Defined
What does Arrogance in marriage mean or look like? A deep dive into Blueletterbible.org helps us see the original meaning of the word arrogant or proud.
Love considers others better than itself instead of puffing itself up as most important (Philippians 2:3).
Another way to say love is not arrogant in marriage is that love is without pride or self-conceit.
This one is about humility- putting the needs of others first.
It means I should consider others –including my husband – more important than myself.
To fully understand this issue of pride in marriage let’s ask some questions and answer them honestly… I will if you will…
What Are Signs Of Pride?
If I examine myself, I recognize pride when I see anger. Not just anger really, but self-righteous anger. The words, me, my, and I are used a lot when pride has stepped into the situation.
Signs of pride in a person are:
- Making everything personal, or being easily offended.
- Being quick to find fault.
- Not listening to others’ input.
- Feeling superior and going against authorities.
- Not seeing my own mistakes/flaws.
Spiritual pride is an area where I am guilty; Feeling I study more or care more about spiritual things than my husband.
What Is Pride In A Relationship?
Now, take all of that and multiply it by two. Two people prone to pride in a relationship spell disaster.
All the characteristics of a prideful person show up no matter how wonderful your marriage is. We each come into marriage feeling we know the right way to do things and that our way is the only right way.
I caught the signs of a haughty spirit in myself just tonight as I watched my husband load the dishwasher. He had the nerve to put cups on the bottom and load the knife’s blade up. I heard myself begin to lecture him about safety and felt the Holy Spirit correct my pride.
There are many right ways to do most everyday tasks. Pride in marriage can ruin a relationship!
Can Too Much Pride Ruin A Relationship?
The answer is very straightforward. Yes. Too much pride in marriage can ruin a relationship.
How does pride destroy relationships? Pride in marriage refuses to bend, refuses to give grace, refuses to see value in what the other person knows and can teach.
Arrogance in marriage suffocates love. It’s hard to love someone you are forcing to become exactly like you. It’s hard to love someone you are always correcting or picking apart for doing things differently.
When pride is the overarching theme of your life, love whithers. Relationships thrive on grace, acceptance, and choice.
Confessions of a Proud Woman
Have I mentioned that I am a Selfish person?
I spent a lot of time angry about the issue of pride in marriage or arrogance in marriage. Why? I didn’t want to be anyone’s doormat.
I have worked hard my whole life to be strong enough that No man would ever put me under his thumb. Isn’t that how we are supposed to be as 21st Century women?
Honestly though, in the deepest parts of my heart, I was just afraid.
Fear is at the heart of most of the pride issues in my life.
What’s The Big Deal About Arrogance in Marriage Anyway?
I have listed the characteristics of a prideful person and the truth is they are taken right from my own personality. Even reading them knowing they are not godly or good I ask, “Is pride really that big a deal, God?”
How do I, a prideful woman deep in my heart, live in my marriage – and not be arrogant or proud? This is just the way I am wired. Pride is part of my nature, my very core character.
Pride Is Sin
A few years ago I got the answer to this series of questions to God, loud and clear as I found myself on the road to divorce #2. Yikes.
I was led to a deeper study of marriage and learned that the Bible says a lot about how to have a strong Christian marriage.
The Bible’s marriage advice is 100% opposite of the culture’s advice!
Why did that shock me?
What does the Bible say about pride in marriage?
Pride is one of those issues. The Bible says pride is sin.
It felt like pride was part of my deeply ingrained character, but the truth is it was just a sin I had justified in my life.
Why Do We Justify The Sin Of Pride?
Fear. Fear is why I justified the sin of pride in my marriage.
This is what I was afraid of.
If I put my husband first, who will meet my needs?
After wrestling with this fear for a long time I decided to just try it God’s way –because He said so, not because I thought He was right – and see what happened.
How To Love Without Pride in Marriage
So how do you live and love in marriage without pride or arrogance?
- Let go of my need to control everything in my home.
- Put my husband’s needs ahead of my preferences (We will talk more about this later on).
Whew, just two things to do to love without pride, but those two things feel huge!
Lora Story said something profound in her book When God doesn’t Fix It.
“God values our spiritual growth more than our physical comfort.”
This is both my favorite of all the pride in marriage quotes and humility in marriage quotes. Marriage has a lot to do with growing spiritually and being uncomfortable!
A Strong Woman Is A Humble Woman
It actually takes a Strong Woman to let go of control!
Letting go of control in my home means some things won’t go my way… which is physically uncomfortable.
Putting my husband’s needs above my preferences also means discomfort.
Both things require humility and trust in God. Humility is impossible if you are not trusting in God.
Humility Requires Trust In God
Why Can you Trust God? He is faithful.
Remember I promised to be honest if you would be honest? If we were sitting talking about marriage struggles over coffee or tea this is about the time I’d come clean with you.
I spent many of the first years of marriage living in pride, insisting on my own way, berating my husband for everything he did differently than I liked.
The result of pride in marriage, for me, was distance from my husband. I killed his love, and squashed it with unrealistic expectations, and unrelenting standards.
But when I stepped back, my husband began to lead in our home. He began to come to life, want to be around me, engage in conversation, and thrive.
My sin of pride was destroying the strong Christian marriage I was dreaming of.
Will You Give Up Pride in Marriage Today?
The struggle is real. We live in a world that pushes the propaganda of pride at every turn. Because of this, I have to remind myself daily of God’s way to do marriage to keep myself on track.
Will you take up the challenge with me today, the marriage challenge? Give up pride in marriage with me today.
Don’t miss that it is a challenge. It’s a challenge because it is hard work.
If you struggle with control issues, like me, I suggest starting with prayer. Begin today praying for God to show you His will in this area.
Humble love is strong love within your marriage!
Do You Need To Go Deeper?
This is part of the 9-week Marriage Bible Study –Finding Hope & Joy in Marriage. Through this course, we will explore the 9 Biblical foundations of having a successful marriage in God’s way.
This class will include:
- 10 video lessons
- You can watch live or when you have time
- 9 weeks of personal study
- 5 days each week that should take 10-15 minutes
- A private Facebook Group to discuss the homework and talk through the weekly challenges
- 45 Days of Prayer prompts
If you liked this, you will love these posts:
- How To Fight For My Unequally Yoked Marriage
- 7 Ways to Begin Walking in the Grace of God Every Day
- How to Trust That God Hears You and Not Fear