Do you still date your spouse? Is it as fun as it was when you were courting? Having a fun date night feels like an eternity ago – It’s sad to say we don’t have much fun anymore as a Married Couple.
Date Night used to be a late night playing cards or walking through his neighborhood. That was fun. I remember one evening he challenged me to a Tetris dual. We spend hours in his basement, mindlessly pressing buttons. At 20 that was fun! Probably not so much as 36…
Today we struggle to even find time to go out- let alone have fun.
The pressures of life occupy my mind and Gone is that care free Date night girl.
My thoughts get in the way.
- I think about all the things that need to be done.
- All the thing things we owe.
- I Anxiously worry about the future.
- Burden and responsibility cause me to be more serious than I should be.
In September 2017, Michelle Nietert wrote about How to Reclaim the Fun in Date Night. It really challenged me.
Do you need some encouragement to keep pressing into that Daily Commitment?
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To be honest, we weren’t having date night’s anymore – let alone any Fun date nights. What about you?
My husband wants to Date me.
He says “I miss that fun girl. How do I get her back”. “I thought having kids would bring us closer together, not steal my wife.” Ouch.
I used to argue back, “As their mom, it is my responsibility to raise them well”!
But… I am his wife – the only wife he has. And one day my Little Blessings will leave home.
I will still be his wife when my kids leave home.
This 1 mistake is the cause of many a divorce after the kids leave home. Many couples struggle in the Empty Nest season because they don’t know each other anymore!
We have to determine to Stop the Sabotage of our Marriage.
There are The 3 Big Mistakes I make on Date Night.
1. I prioritize Motherhood over Wifehood
Genesis 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Children are instructed to leave their father and mother and cleave to their spouse. Parents are instructed to train children up so when they are old they will not depart from our teachings.
No where does it say “Mothers cling desperately to your children and neglect the marriage”?
But I was. Raising these Little Blessings is what I always dreamed of. My husband took a back seat to my desire to mother.
To show him he is a high priority in my life we sit down each month and schedule 2 date nights!
We really had to brainstorm about things that would be Fun to do… SMH right now y’all. I created a check list to get it all done and on the calendar – and I gave the anxiety of it all to God!
2. I don’t take care of me
I take care of everyone else first and at times run out of time in the day for myself. Can you Relate?
There are days I fall into bed and think ‘Did I shower today?’ ‘Did I eat?’ and drift to sleep. Sound familiar?
I had to make a plan to prioritize myself. It is hard to believe I’ve neglected myself this long, but I deserve a little of my own time to take care of me. Even writing that sounds weird… #momlife
Ladies, make a plan that works for you – that includes you in it!
3. Not Mentally preparing before our date
As women we wear a lot of hats, fill a lot of roles, and most of them – mom, babysitter, housekeeper, cook- are not fun.
It takes real effort to take that off and put on Wife, friend and lover. So I have this pre date night routine.
- I play fun music to lift my mood.
- Take a long relaxing shower (and shave my legs -haha, when did i start needing a reminder for that 😉
- Lock the door to keep the kids out.
- Remind myself this is about relaxing -not cleaning (ignore the ring around the tub!)
- Pick out a cute outfit
- Ignore all the parts of my body that I think look fat or ugly in it!
- Give myself a pep talk – see why here
- Fix my hair
- Apply a little make up
- Dig out the sweet perfume he bought me 5 years ago
- Hope it doesn’t stink at this point
- Spend time with God praying about the burdens I feel – Joy stealers
- Pray so date night doesn’t turn into a planning session or a time to talk through the struggles of our life. Sabotage!
- So, I added a section in the check list to write out the burdens (Fun Killers).
- Plan another time to talk them through.
- Anytime I start into them- Bud has permission to remind me we can talk about them another time.
- Pray so date night doesn’t turn into a planning session or a time to talk through the struggles of our life. Sabotage!
Only Fun conversations on Date Night!
Truly, I do all of this for meetings or girls nights but rarely for my husband. He rarely gets the best me. Instead he get’s my left overs.
By fixing these 3 big mistakes we put the Fun back into Date Night as a Married Couple.
How are you doing in this area? Are you intentionally investing in your Marriage?
I’d love to pray for you this #MarriageMonday . Drop a comment below or email me anytime at tiffanymontgomery@hopejoyinchrist.com and I’ll add you to my prayer list!
in HIM,
Thank you for sharing the rule stuff most of us struggle with these things but don’t talk about it. I only have about once a month. Lol. I feel so much like you do as I’m sure most of us moms do. I have 4 kids from 10- 4 mths and feel my poor husband is left out so much. And he reminds me of this often. It was harder when we first started having kids he felt abandoned but I would just tell him it was apart of it. We don’t get but 2 date nights a year. But now we at least sit and watch our shows together. No talking about anything except the show. It’s not much but a start. Reading your blogs has helped me to want to be a better wife. Thank you for allowing God to use you to help others. It’s something I have looked for for a long time.
I am so glad it blesses you! It’s what I feel God calling me to do. Thanks for taking the time to comment! It encourages me so much.
Great tips! Love the handout you offer and you’re absolutely right– sabotaging your date nights can be all too easy when the wife is wearing so many other hats! But marriage should always come first after God!
so glad it encouraged you Selina. thanks for commenting.
I love the printable worksheets that you have here, Tiffany! So many times I find myself not trying for date night and just throwing on a tshirt and jeans. Thanks for this needed reminder to try for my hubby. 🙂
So glad you love it! Are you doing the 30 day Marriage Challenge with us – 30 Days of Words of Affirmation to our Husband? it’s been such a blessing to me and the FB Group!
Tiffany I cannot thank you enough for your amazing true life experience sharing. The things you share are so true and it has really helped me think about and prioritize my husband something that hasn’t happened alot as of lately.
Kind regards
Chanté
Thank you for letting me know Chante! It is what God has called me to do… which is humbling but I know it helps others. Comments like this are such an encouragement!