Today is especially challenging in our Marriage Monday Series! Love does not seek it’s own.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is our text this month and our goal is to apply it to our Wifehood. Has this series stepped on your toes the way it is mine?
Today my question is: “Love does not seek its own” what?
The answer is in the original language– Love does not seek its own comfort, pleasure and desire above that of those it claims to love.
That last line makes me smile… so it’s not just me who things some people don’t actually love me as much as they “claim” to. Just a thought.
Love is selfless
What would that look like in marriage?
As I began trying to apply this I 1st had to assess some things.
I know I am a selfish person. Daily I seek my own comfort and pleasure. Is there anything wrong with that? hmmmm
I came face to face with an internal conflict.
A habit of defaulting to my own preferences. I care deeply about my own preferences and seek out ways to get them.
Often I put my preferences above hubby’s needs.
That has to stop.
His needs should outweigh my preferences. Not my needs, those are important, but my preferences.
Let me share an example:
I am a Stay At Home Mom. It gives me joy to engage in activates at night (without my kids 😉 ) I am talking about good things: Bible studies, ladies groups, classes, etc.
Hubby has been trying to find a good job that fits him and our family. During this season he took a 3rd shift job and the only time we had together was in the evening.
This was a good job for him at the time and he learned so much there. To show love to him in a selfless way I needed to step back from my evening commitments.
This was a hard choice for me. I preferred those things and I tend to ” seek my own”. But Hubby needed space to grow here.
My need was adult interaction and time away from my kids. I can find that at other times and other ways. I have in fact. That need is being met in a different way now though I’d prefer it be in the evening.
Do you see the difference?
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Can I be honest?
I battle my feelings about this one. We have been in an ever changing situation for a few years and it is easy to believe my feelings instead of Trusting The Lord in my Marriage.
I can still hear my daddy saying “Feelings come and feelings go but feelings are deceiving”
I feel like:
- Our life will be hard forever.
- If I give up my preference too often B will walk all over me.
- Someone should be looking out for me in this marriage.
- I always have to be the mature one who changes first.
Those are just the tip of the iceberg of the feelings that come when I stop trying to ” Seek My Own”.
Part of my selfishness was a way to keep from being hurt again. There were some things in my life that hurt deeply and I was choosing to hold onto them instead of forgiving…
For years my life was stuck. My Marriage was stuck. Friendships were stuck. My prayer life and relationship with Jesus was stuck. I was angry and bitter and holding on for dear life. It wasn’t until I learned to Forgive that I was able to get moving again. I’d love to show you the Pathway to Forgive I found. I’ve written a small E-book that walks through it.
Selfless love is not natural for me.
There’s something programed into me (probably that Old Woman) that fights tooth and nail to hold onto my way.
When I give up my preferences to meet his needs amazing things happen.
We will dig into this deeper as we go on, but spoiler alert:
- Hubby is growing and I know this will NOT last forever.
- He doesn’t want to walk all over me! Hubby just needs the grace to grow up in Christ.
- Someone is looking out for me in this marriage.
- God is fighting for me!
- B is really doing an amazing job.
- I could see it if only I’d look at what he does right.
- I feel differently when I spend too much time pointing out his mistakes!
- We all have seasons of growth.
- There will be times Hubby has to be the bigger person and give me grace to grow.
Those feelings are not Truths.
Challenge: What are your needs?
They are important. Your needs matter to God. He cares about what you care about (1 Peter 5:7)!
Can you see the difference between your needs and your preferences (1 John 4:1)?
What are your Hubby’s needs (Philippians 2:3-4)?
Do you ever put your preferences before his needs (Psalm 139:23-24)?
Begin praying that God will show you where this is happening and help you make the necessary changes (Ezekiel 36:26).