Marriage Monday Week7 [Love does not act Unbecoming, disrepectfully, Biblical Marraige, Christian Marraige, Biblical Wifehood, Marriage Challenge]

Marriage Monday Week 7 [Love does not act Unbecoming ]

Welcome back to Marriage Monday!  We are taking our time working through 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and applying it to our Wifehood.  Just to Re-cap: we have seen Patience in MarriageKindness in MarriageJealousy in Marriage, Bragging in Marriage and Arrogance in Marriage.  Today we will explore what it means that “Love does not act Unbecoming “.   

Marriage Monday Week7 [Love does not act Unbecoming, disrepectfully, Biblical Marraige, Christian Marraige, Biblical Wifehood, Marriage Challenge]

1 Corinthians 13 Marriage Monday Love in Marriage, Biblical Marriage, Biblical Wifehood, Christian Marriage Advice, Marriage Challange

Unbecoming is such an old world word… What on earth does that mean?

Some Bible versions say ~rude, unseemly or disrespectfully.  It could be said positively “Love acts with courtesy and good will toward all men”.

The one that jumps out at me is Disrespect…

Unbecoming = disrespectful

Respect is a big deal for our men.

It is one of the few direct instructions from God to wives.  Respect your husbands.

What I find interesting is that B and I understand respect differently.  What about you and your hubby?

I always thought I was a very respectful wife.  But then, in the middle of our crazy-mess-of-a-marriage-season, I was issued a challenge by my Mentor.  She challenged me to ask B what he found disrespectful.  Let me tell you I was shocked by his answers.

He felt disrespected when I:

  • Habitually criticize him
  • Offer advice about every little thing he does
  • Correct his parenting – in front of the kids
  • Take the lead and leave him out of decision making process
  • Nag him about his driving
  • This is a small part of the list…

What season of Marriage Are you in? 

Do you have a Community of Biblical Minded women around to Encourage and Equip you?  I know I can’t do this alone (This Biblical Wifehood)!  Would you like to join me in a Facebook Community. It is a place of Encouragement and Equipping in our Christian Marriages? Click Here!

Reclaiming Hope & Joy In Your Marriage - Pinterest Christian Marriage Encouragement, Biblical Marriage Giveaways https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReclaimingHopeJoyMarriage/


News Flash for me:  I was acting unbecoming to B!

I was not respecting him in the way he understood respect.  Quickly I had to get a handle on this issue.  The Book Love and Respect by Dr. Eggichs was a great resource for me!

Then I had to take that to God.  You see, unintentional sin is sin.  Sound harsh?  Well, if God said “Wives respect your husband” and I wasn’t… that was sin.

God showed me this sort of Love/Respect sandwich in Ephesians 5:22-33.

Ephesians 5_22-33 Biblical Wifehood, Christian Marriage, Love does not act unbecoming, Love and Respect

God starts it with the wife -respect your husband.  

Then for 10 verses he tells the husband how to love the wife.

And He finishes the passage reminding the wives to respect their husband.  

Now, most of the weight falls to the husband -because that kind of love is intense.  But in that 1 command to wives…  God doesn’t give it any stipulations (No Loop Holes -though I wish He did some days).

So I have to Respect my husband:

  1. Weather I think he deserves it or not
  2. No matter how angry I am at him
  3. Even if he isn’t loving me the way the passage says he should
  4. Regardless of how many mistakes he’s made in the past.

I’m not good at any of that.  What about you?

In learning to show him honor and respect I’ve learn 2 critical habits.

Learning to Respect my Husband the way He understands Repect [Biblical Marriage Advice, Christian Marraige, Biblical Wifehood, Love and Respect]

  • Pray before I speak

I have to check my emotions before I open my mouth (sometimes that means I am quiet more than I speak) because My mouth has a way of showing disrespect.

Consequently, what I say starts in my thoughts.  I have written a whole series about finding Peace of mind in my thought life.  This applies  (and if anything worthy of praise) .Finally, brethren, and if anything worthy of praise, and if anything worthy of praise, and if anything worthy of praise, and if anything worthy of praise, whatever is lovely, and if anything worthy of praise, and if anything worthy of praise and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” 

  • Make amends Quickly

As soon as I know B has perceived something as disrespectful I try to make amends.  Weather it was done Intentionally or unintentionally.

This one is hard because I often feel “justified” in my actions.

Do you know what your husband finds disrespectful?

Challenge Time:  Ask your husband what he finds unbecoming /disrespectful

All men are different so B’s answers are probably different than your hubbys.

Let’s set this challenge into stages.

Step 1.  Pray about this.

Ask God to prepare your heart for hubby’s answers.

Step 2. Pick a time when he is in a good mood

Maybe after a good day at work or maybe after an intimate time with you (that usually makes a lighter mood).

Step 3. Start by telling him you’ve been praying about ways to better show respect

I bet you have his attention now (and probably his admiration)

Step 4.Ask him to tell you what makes him feel disrespected by you.

  • Just listen as he tells you
  • Don’t justify your actions

This is not about right or wrong, it is about how he interprets situations.

If it is in you, apologize for what he mentioned.

Step 5.  Write down what he shared

That way you don’t forget.

  • I tend to post reminders for myself about the things that are hardest…

For Example – Tiffany close your eyes in the car and don’t give “advice”.

Step 6. Begin praying that God will begin to change your heart to see things from hubby’s perspective

God is faithful and He will show you ways to do this better.  Remember He promises to give wisdom freely to those who ask (James 1:5)!

Step 7.  After a few weeks, check back in with him to see if he noticed a change.

This will show him love in a felt way!

(I am such a visual person.  Here is an image I will pin as a reminder for later!)

RespectChallenge. Marriage Monday. Biblical Marriage. Biblical Wifehood. Christian Marriage advice

This along was hard for me because of un-forgiveness.  I struggled to forgive B for the mistakes he’s made in the past.  That’s honestly where I had to start and it’s why I’ve written a small E-book.  I’d love to give it to you to help on your journey!

 

Free E Book on Forgiveness [My story of overcoming Bitterness and Resentment and living in the Freedom of Forgiveness with in my Marriage and Wifehood]

Free e-Book “A Pathway to Forgiveness” (Forgiveness is hard… but not impossible. This is my story.)

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Have you missed some in this #MarriageMonday Series?
Marriage Monday Weeks:

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Tiffany Montgomery

Tiffany is a wife and mother who is passionate about Encouraging and Equipping Women through Biblical Discipleship.

36 thoughts to “Marriage Monday Week 7 [Love does not act Unbecoming ]”

    1. I agree Heather. Seems like common sense… but I didn’t get it until a few years ago.

  1. I think that it should be both way, not only the wife to respect her husband but the other way around too. Marriadge is a friendship based on love in the end where both partners should respect each other the same.

    1. too true Joanna. sadly, I can’t do anything about how he behaves. I am only responsible for me. Too often I would hold out respect until he showed love… but that never worked out! Now I focus on doing my part. He is also working to do better at his part. It is beautiful when it works that way.

    1. I think we all do that! You are not alone. That’s why I say we need our own club-to encourage and lift each other up. I call it “The Wifehood”! Welcome Sarah

  2. I think you raise some good points about being respectful to one another even if you aren’t feeling too many kind thoughts towards them at that point in time haha

  3. Communication is so important in a successful marriage. This is a great series if posts. I will have to share it with a friend that is getting married this summer.

  4. I think it’s really important that partners mutually respect each other. I have correct my husband’s parenting in front of my daughter too. We talked about it afterward and agreed that we try not to talk about parenting mistakes in front of our daughter.

    1. That one is so hard Ave! I get emotionally caught up in that moment and it has taken time to re-train my brain to be silent in that moment and talk to him later – privately.

  5. Respect in a marriage is critical. However, it isn’t just about the wife respecting her husband. Husbands need to respect their wives. It is truly a two way street. Having said that – if for some reason my husband disrespects me, I’d like to believe that doesn’t mean I will automatically stoop to disrespecting him. Instead I try to understand what is going on – there is a reason this happened. Perhaps he had a bad day at work? Marriage takes work no matter what – every day.

    1. So true Athena! I wrestle back and forth with that… but All I can focus on is my part. He should love and respect in return. He does a good job with this for sure. But I don’t always. Just being real. I love all the comments from women who do it so much better! Hoping to be there one day!

  6. We are both non religious couple, but what makes us bond and together are the undestanding and love that we have. Its a good communication and patience to one another.

    1. Yes Blair, it is true regardless of religious beliefs. Religion is not really a part of it… thought it is in my life so I write from that perspective. Respect is just a piece build into us that we need to learn how to live from. Thanks for the comment.

    1. That is true. It’s so important to show grace when either of us mess up. It’s funny though how we understand it differently than hubby does. we really are very different.

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