Having a fun date night feels like an eternity ago. It’s sad to say we don’t have much fun anymore as a Married Couple. Do you?
Date Night used to be a late night playing cards or walking through his neighborhood. That was fun. I remember one evening he challenged me to a Tetris dual. We spend hours in his basement, mindlessly pressing buttons. At 20 that was fun! Probably not so much as 36…
Do you remember that girly ritual of getting ready for Date night fun – no matter how bad the day had been?
- Fixing the Hair
- Dancing around the room to fun music
- Agonizing over what outfit would get a reaction
- A little lip gloss to top off the look
I always made sure I was ready for a Fun Date Night.
Fast-forward to today. We struggle to even find time to go out- let alone have fun. Why?
- A devastating miscarriage.
- Unexpected job losses and debt.
- A mortgage and homeowner responsibilities.
- The burden to raise 2 beautiful Little Blessings well.
- 1 Little Blessing is difficult to leave with a sitter.
Gone is that care free Date night girl.
I sabotage the fun in my life. Wives, am I alone here?
Also, my thoughts get in the way.
- I think about all the things that need to be done.
- All the thing things we owe.
- I struggle with Anxiety.
- Burden and responsibility cause me to be more serious than I should be.
To be honest, we weren’t having date night anymore. Let alone any Joy during a date night. What about you?
But Y’all, my husband wants to Date me.
He says “I miss that fun girl. How do I get her back”. “I thought having kids would bring us closer together, not steal my wife.” Ouch.
I used to argue back, “As their mom, it is my responsibility to raise them well”!
I am his wife – the only wife he has. And one day my Little Blessings will leave home.
But I will still be his wife.
I don’t want to divorce after they leave home. Many couples struggle in the Empty Nest season because they didn’t know each other anymore!
So, I am determined to Stop the Sabotage.
To Bravely – Never Again – Sabotage Date Night!
How do I stop this subconscious Sabotage of my Marriage?
So far I’ve found 3 things that have been in my way.
1. Motherhood can’t take priority over my Wifehood
Both roles are very important. However, the bible gives a clear precedent in the hierarchy of priorities -though is feels backward.
Children are instructed to leave their father and mother and cleave to their spouse. Parents are instructed to train children up so when they are old they will not depart from our teachings.
No where does it say mothers cling desperately to your children and neglect the marriage.
But I was. Raising these Little Blessings is what I always dreamed of. My husband took a back seat to my desire to mother.
His is a high priority in my life.
Now we sit down each month and schedule 2 date nights! We really had to brainstorm about things that would be Fun to do… SMH right now y’all. But we finally came up with a couple things that sounded fun to both of us. Grab your free printable to help you get started: The Married Couples Date Night Check List.
2. Give myself permission to take care of me
I take care of everyone else first and at times run out of time in the day for myself.
I am a Stay At Home Mom. But I also babysit, homeschool, meal plan with several food allergies, write a blog, serve at church, write books, love to garden and read when time permits.
There are days I fall into bed and think ‘Did I shower today?’ ‘Did I eat?’ and drift to sleep. Sound familiar?
I had to make a plan to prioritize myself. It is hard to believe I’ve neglected myself this long, but I deserve a little of my own time to take care of me. Even writing that sounds weird… #momlife .
Ladies, make a plan that works for you – that includes you in it!
- 6:00AM – quiet time with God and a glass of water with lemon (taking care of myself because I am overweight).
- Then a tall cup of coffee (taking care of my family 😉 )
- 6:30 -Brush my teeth & hair- crazy that this needs to be scheduled… just being real Y’all
- 6:40 -Put on clothes for the day and make my bed.
- 7:00 – Fix everyone breakfast – ignore little people while I also eat breakfast – (taking care of myself)
- 7:30-8:45 – write or create new content for HopeJoyInChrist.com Blog (I love this bit)
- 9:00 -Start school with the kids
I am sure to add appointments to have a hair cut, go to the dentist (for myself), schedule time to read and time to shave my legs (again, just being real)!
3. Mentally prepare before our date
The persona of mom, babysitter and teacher are not fun. As all of those things it doesn’t matter what I look like or how I feel.
Most of my day is spent wiping noses, cleaning the bathroom and saying “That’s an outside noise” or “This is your warning”.
It takes real effort to take that off and put on Wife, friend and lover. So I have this routine.
- I play fun music to lift my mood.
- Take a long relaxing shower (and shave my legs)
- Lock the door to keep the kids out.
- This is about relaxing -not cleaning
- Pick out a cute outfit
- Ignore all the parts of my body that I think look fat or ugly in it!
- Give myself a pep talk – see why here
- Fix my hair
- Apply a little make up
- Dig out the sweet perfume he bought me 5 years ago
- Hope it doesn’t stink at this point
- Spend time with God praying about the burdens I feel – Joy Stealers
- I know from past date nights with hubby that I can make it a planning session or a time to talk through the struggles of our life. Sabotage!
- So, I added a section in the check list to write out the burdens (Fun Killers).
- We plan another time to talk them through.
- Anytime I start into them- Bud has permission to remind me we can talk about them another time.
Only Fun conversation on Date Night!
Truly, I do all of this when I am leading worship or teaching, but rarely for my husband. He rarely gets the best me. Instead he get’s my left overs.
I have to bravely decide to make Marriage a priority.
How are you doing in this area? Are you intentionally investing in your Marriage?
I’d love to pray for you this #MarriageMonday . Drop a comment below or email me anytime at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll add you to my prayer list!