Today we will look at how to be a helpmeet by better understanding help meet in the Bible. Who else ranks that word helpmeet or help mate about like submission? Ug… I’d rather pass if I am completely honest.
How about the idea of finding joy while being his helpmate? Yeah, seems like an odd pairing, but if you are here, you are also asking what the Bible says about marriage and this word is in there.
Thankfully our guest today, Christia from Faith-filled Parenting, is going to share 4 ways to find joy as a helpmeet for him.
Wives Are Called Help Meet in the Bible
Have you ever thought it was possible to find joy as a helpmeet for your husband? Wives are called help meet in the Bible, but that’s not how we think about our role in marriage today.
~Let me tell you my story.
Twelve years ago…
I (Christia) was a newlywed.
I was living in a city where I knew no one.
My husband was away working all day and most weekends.
To say I was lonely is an understatement.
To top it all off, I was a brand new Christian.
So here I am alone, friendless, and not entirely sure how to be a Christian much less a Christian wife.
The Opposite of a Helpmeet Wife
As I look back on the early years of my marriage, I sometimes cringe. I was anything but a godly wife and certainly not a helpmeet wife.
In fact, I was the foolish woman tearing my own house down with my own hands like in Proverbs 14:1.
“The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1 NASB)
I was lucky that my husband stayed and did not take Proverbs 21:9 literally.
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” (Proverbs 21:9 NASB)
I tell you this because I know what it’s like to not be the wife God created me to be in this marriage.
And I can also tell you how I turned this all around.
Ready to learn more?
Spoiler: When you start to view sex as one of your roles as a helpmeet for him, it becomes easier to find time to make it a priority. Click To Tweet
What is a Help Meet in the Bible? A Wife’s Role
What is a helpmeet for him or what is the role of a helpmate according to the Scripture?
The most popular Helpmeet Bible verse is from the Old Testament, in Genesis 2:18.
“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NASB)
God created all things, and then made man in the image of God. The only thing in creation that God said was not good was for Adam to be alone.
As a sociable creature, God created Eve to be Adam’s companion – a helpmeet for him, a suitable helper, an equal partner, a helper fit to complement his needs.
With Eve, Adam would be nearly complete (clearly he would still need the LORD).
God created Eve to complement Adam. Women are different than men.
No matter how much society tries to say that we are the same, I stand by the Word of God that God created man and woman differently, though in his own image.
I love this quote from Women in the Scriptures:
Help Meet Defined: “True power comes when men and women understand that they have been blessed with different gifts, abilities and stewardship and truly work together as equal partners to help each other be successful. Men and women need each other and it is only when they are united, body soul and mind, that God’s work moves forth. We are nothing without each other and nothing without Christ.”
This is part of a 31-day marriage devotional you can get for free below!
The Meaning of Help Meet in the Bible
Some questions to help us define help meet in the Bible today.
What is the difference between help meet and help mate?
- Helpmeet is an old world that we have translated Help Mate in our modern English language.
And, what is the origin of the word helpmeet?
- When I see help meet in the Bible KJV (King James Bible Version) Genesis 2:18, I read that the original language was Hebrew.
Exactly what does the word helper mean in Genesis 2:18?
- Help meet meaning in Hebrew is Ezer Kenegdo.
Define Help Meet In The Bible: Hebrew Word Ezer Kenegdo
The definition of help meet in the Bible is Ezer Kenegdo, but what does ezer Kenegdo mean in the Hebrew Bible?
To understand the help meet Hebrew definition we will break the phrase apart:
- The first word, Ezer – Help – surround, aid, protect
- The second word, Kenegdo – Meet – counterpart to
What does help meet in the Bible mean then? As Christian wives, we are to surround, aid, protect, and be a counterpart to our husbands.
To go deeper into what Helpmeet means check out this piece from Halgraves Hearth and Home. Check out her talk at our Joy in Marriage Conference. It is free and you will be blessed!
How To Be A Help Meet To Your Husband
The first woman created in the Garden of Eden was the perfect example for us of an Ezer Kenegedo. She rilled the role of a wife in a perfect world in the first chapter of Genesis. Then sin entered into the world and it became a challenge to love our own husbands well let alone be a virtuous woman. Yet, we see the call to that life throughout the entire Bible, not just the Old but the New Testament.
How can we surround our spouse, aid our spouse, protect our spouse, and be his counterpart? It sounds like such a big ask for the modern lifestyle. But just because we live in a different time doesn’t nullify this command about being a helpmate in Scripture.
If we can show the qualities of a help meet with joy we can strengthen our marriage greatly. We can only live up to all this Hebrew phrase means with the help of the Holy Spirit. The Good works of bearing God’s image to all living things are possible with His power at work through us.
Bonus: What is Your Role As A Helpmeet?
Honestly, now that we loosely understand what a help mate is, can we apply it?
How to be a helpmate to your husband in 4 steps or less??? That would be great right?
The role of a helpmeet will look different ways in every marriage, but the goals will be the same.
Every marriage and human being are unique so of course, there is not a one-size-fits-all answer.
As you continue to read, you will see how to apply these particular roles to your specific marriage as you strive to be a good wife. Hopefully, you will avoid the frustration that comes when you don’t understand the value of a helpmeet.
#1 Fulfilling Sexual Needs as a Helpmeet for Him
With a rough history, it has taken a long time to see God’s picture of sex in marriage.
I was raised in the mentality that sex was wrong and not a good thing, and it never left my mind.
As I have been married longer, I have come to learn the value of sex in a marriage.
In a marital relationship, the spouse is the only one that can meet sexual needs. Therefore, it should be of our utmost importance as a helpmeet for him as the original word implies.
This means that we make time for it, find ways to enjoy it and we engage in the activity often.
I know what it feels like to be so tired and so over anyone touching me. As a mom of 5 children, I get it!
But I also get the fact that my husband needs me in this way, to focus on our intimate relationship!
When you start to view sex as one of your roles as a helpmeet for him, it becomes easier to find time to make it a priority.
Related Post: Fulfilling Sexual Needs
In a marital relationship, the spouse is the only one that can meet sexual needs. Therefore, it should be of our utmost importance as a helpmeet for him. Click To TweetA Resource To Help Moms Overcome The Lies Hargraves Hearth and Home
Lies Mom’s Believe: And How the Gospel Refutes Them!
“It is a confusing time in which to live and mother, as we have varying voices coming at us every single day about motherhood and what it should look like. The good news is that the Lord has not left us to our own devices to attempt to sort through all the stereotypes, ideas, and even lies on our own.”
In Lies Moms Believe (And How the Gospel Refutes Them!)”, Rebekah takes you through 32 of the most common lies believed by moms today, showing you how the truths of God’s Word really can set you free! This really hit me hard as a wife struggling to make my husband a priority at the end of a long day with kids…
#2: Always Showing Respect
Respect is the only love language I think men have.
Honestly, my husband says that men have two needs: sex and respect.
Men need to be respected at home.
There are times we as women feel more qualified to make a certain decision, but we should never step over our husbands and take the lead. In less, of course, our husbands ask us to do so.
This is super tough!!!
My best tip for showing your husband respect is to always ask for his opinion.
Examples: It is wise to ask for an opinion before:
- Committing to a big purchase.
- Making big decisions.
- Resolving issues that arise with your children.
All of this makes your husband feel respected and included.
While there are many times that my husband simply agrees with me, it is still important to our marriage that I ask his opinion.
Then, it is even more important that I listen to him.
As the man of the household, the husband is the leader.
In biblical order, it goes God, husband, wife, and children. Many marriages could be filled with joy and saved if they kept this biblical order.
It is not my job to coerce my husband into making a certain decision, that is God’s job. My job is to respect my husband by including him in decisions and listening to his answers.
Related Post: Words of Affirmation Are the Best Way of Showing Respect
Honestly, my husband says that men have two needs: sex and respect. Click To Tweet#3: Being His Biggest Cheerleader as a Help Mate for Him
A godly wife, a helpmeet wife, should ALWAYS be your husband’s biggest fan. This is one of the many qualities of a help meet that we need to cultivate! He should know without a doubt that you are behind him 110%.
Early on in my marriage when I was so lonely, I would complain about my husband’s work schedule. Over time, I realized that this was tearing him down. I certainly was not respecting or cheering him on.
Your husbands need your encouragement.
Instead of complaining, I now find things that make his workday better.
- Pray with him each morning before he leaves the house.
- Keep a joyful spirit so he will look forward to returning to me.
- Send him little texts throughout the day
- That I am thinking of him
- And I am so thankful he provides for our family
These simple things go a long way in letting our men know we are their #1 fan! We show him the love of God in this way!
A godly wife should ALWAYS be your husband's biggest fan as a helpmeet for him. He should know without a doubt that you are behind him 110%. Click To TweetRelated Post: What Submission Looks Like in A Christian Marriage
#4: Having a Servant’s Heart Is a Quality of a Help Mate Wife
Having a servant’s heart as a helpmeet for him will look different for every family.
As a SAHM I take care of pretty much everything that goes on within the walls of our home, including cooking, shopping, and cleaning. Also, I homeschool the kids and obviously, take care of them.
This is sort of my domain. My husband has given me these responsibilities knowing that they will be completed and done.
Now, this does not mean that every once in a while things are a little out of control or we have to eat out every once in a while. That happens and it’s okay!
But I take my role in the home seriously, the role of women in the home is critical to a healthy family. It is my God-given job to take care of my home and family.
I view it as a job. I serve my husband and my children in that order.
My kids know that Daddy comes first. I teach the kids how to serve their father as well.
Jesus was the ultimate servant. If our goal as Disciples is to grow more and more like Christ Jesus every day, then we have to serve our husbands as a helpmeet for him.
When I keep the mind of Christ and his role as a servant, it is easier to complete the cooking and cleaning, and laundry because I know I am serving my husband.
Related Post: 3 Powerful Ways to Develop a Servant’s Heart
Jesus was the ultimate servant. If our goal as Disciples is to grow more and more like Jesus every day, then we have to serve our husbands as a helpmeet for him. Click To TweetWhat I Wish I Knew Then About Being a Help Meet in the Bible
As a young newlywed, I wish I would have:
- Realized the importance of my husband’s sexual needs.
- Understood the value of showing respect.
- Been my husband’s big cheerleader.
- I wish I would have served him more.
I did none of these things as a helpmeet for him early on in my marriage. But after a few years, God changed my heart. I studied His word to better understand help meet in the Bible, read Christian marriage books, listened to podcasts, and surrounded myself with godly women who had a heart for God.
Over time, I started to do these things without even thinking.
You too can change and you can start today.
It is never too late to be the helpmeet your husband deserves.
Christia is a homeschooling mom to five children. She is the proud mommy of 4 boys and 1 girl! Her house is loud, fun, filled with laughter, and of course, super sticky floors!
Yet, this was not always the plan! After receiving her degree in Biochemistry from the University of Tennessee, she planned on going to dental school. God had other plans, and Christia has never looked back.
Christia is married to 12-year NFL veteran player Dustin Colquitt. They make it their life mission to inspire and help others from all walks of life.
Christia wants to share her triumphs and struggles in parenting, marriage, and how to make it all work on her blog Faith Filled Parenting.
Her hope is to encourage you to live with intention, while growing a more intimate relationship with Jesus. While neither Dustin or Christia claims to do this perfectly, they pray to grow together with you on this journey of life.
Faith Filled Parenting is all about setting goals, having dreams, and seeing it all happen by planning with intention. The parent’s role in a child’s life is so important that we need to know where we are going! We are not just going to get there. We have to be intentional.
If you enjoyed this, you should check out these posts:
My biggest challenge here, Christia, is number 3, being his encourager. But I love all the challenges you’ve offered us. They truly are expressions of submission and love in marriage! Pinning and tweeting!
Yes, Submission at it’s core.